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I remember the same situation, quite frankly I'm NT and a pretty chilled out person, yet I still wanted to explode into furious anger, and slap interfering people, there were some tense moments, its very very stressful. So actually it's normal to feel the way you do, and I reckon it sounds like you are doing quite well.

Think of all this baby-room and wedding stuff as a kind of trial by fire, just hang in there as best you can, you will make it, many of us have also been down this path and it does get better

awww.. that's so cute.. see you really love her, you have a good time being with her, you have moments.. so don't let go.. anywhere anybody anytime would be in some difficulty, at least you're with the one you love.

and come one, give momma in law some credit if it wasnt for her, you wouldn't have the girl you are with, and everything she is and about, and how she is.. and if it wasn't for her you also wouldn't have those little things you laugh about with your girlfriend.. right?! hehe..

its part of relationships and part of life everyone will go through something similar.. see, nostromo knows what you're talking about, just go with it, live it; it doesnt have to be something to be survived, though it could feel that way.. don't concern yourself too much with their concerns, be concerned with what you choose and what really concerns you and focus your mental energy there so you wouldn't be all bothered or exhausted.. and i think i should shut up now.. hehe

I tend to be extremely eh.

My social skills are usually out the window....the thing for me is emotional engangement and emotional argument don't work on me. So all the baby stuff, and the whole "don't you want to be there in the first check up because that's your baby blah blah blah...why choose a class over your future kid". Is an emotional argument. And I don't listen to emotional argument.

I feel sometimes like I'm a horrible person. I just don't have that great amount of emotional connection to agree with them. I feel those kind of arguments are straw men arguments and illogical.

Sometimes I just feel like a non human. I feel like a monster sometimes because I get a lot of comments about being cruel hearted. Someone made a nasty comment to me, about how can I be a dad if I don't understand someone's emotions. Someone through another ridiculous argument at me, "What if your kid was bullied? How can you connect if you're a robot?" A lot of people call me a robot as well, mostly family members...not on my side. Since I have two brothers. One more "rain man" like [in quotes because its just a steorotype and not the best example. He isn't as bad, but still around there], and the other one more aspergers a little more like me.

My dad never connected to me emotionally when it came to bullying. He connected to me logically. I suspect my dad is semi on the spectrum as well.

My dad has always been logical. He never touched basis to my emotions. I guess I semi learned logic from him. But then as a kid I had a hard time defining emotions as well. They were just these odd feelings. Logically I know what they are. Emotionally, empathy and sympathy, I don't know what they are.

Its weird how I can attach myself so easily to an animal. I guess because they are simple emotions, like me. But for a person, they are random and messy and confusing.

I worry about a few things, since in my family three of three sons are all autistic. Is it more likely the kid I have autistic as well? And if so, then its my fault. I burdened them with something that is a blessingand a curse. I use to call it the Blurse.

And if they aren't. How do you explain the uncle who's a little unorthodox? Or the dad that just doesn't like going outside?

I can't sleep some days because thoughts run through my head.

Its funny how my thoughts feel emotional. But I can't connect them anywhere to an emotion.

Will I even be a good father? When I feel so inhuman, when I feel like a horrible and terrible person all the time.

Ok.. First, "Blurse" is genius. Me likes..

Second.. I now feel bad.. hehe.. what you just said are more likely like of my aspie's. And more probably I may have had invoke similar sentiments from how I may have had behaved in the past or recently.. anyway..

Anything and Anybody could be a blurse. its just a matter of perspective. now for a curse to be a blessing may not be a popular perspective but the possibility is still there, right?! Nobody is permanently how they are, everything changes and develops. Somethings may not change but some things may even will.

You are not a monster, a robot or inhuman. Those who loves you knows that and accepts just how you are, they may just not be as careful with how they may have had behaved towards you. And however or whatever displeasure you may have caused anyone, i am sure you did not mean it. Intentions changes everything and you intended none of it, so you're not a monster, especially not a bad person.

Do not let other people judge you; they may, but don't let it change how you would view yourself. however anybody is, they could be both bad and good to anyone or towards any situation. i am sure you have a lot of good things to offer to your girlfriend's family and much more to your child. none of it would have had happened if its not meant to be or that you shouldn't be a dad. plus in time when you are officially a dad, things and yourself would probably change fitting to your new role as a husband and/or a dad.

you did not burden anyone with anything, try to find a way to see and realize that. there's always good in everybody and in everything. everything is good for something. it wouldn't be what it is if it's not good for anything or does not serve a purpose. there maybe some things you wouldn't be good at or even able to provide, just like everybody else. but having had said that, there are also things that you would be good at and only you could provide.

however the child may be its a gift, and its life however it grow up to be, it could share goodness to anyone that will be a part of its life. may not be conventional but in profound view or in a bigger picture, it is a gift.

Thank you for that.

I never thought of it that way, that's stunningly true and simple. Speaking as the grandmother

Does delivering a child not make you un pregnant either?

I'm still bewildered that people think it's a possibility that she would abort simply because he's having an episode. He doesn't have a choice in what she does with her body and the very idea that she'd do that for that reason is ridiculous. If you don't want to be a husband and a father, go away and leave them alone; but the idea that you can control her life and end the baby's life (that she seems to want because she didn't choose to abort) is just insanity. You really need to just grow up, PB. Marriage and starting a family are huge life steps that you're taking and both require an intense amount of responsibility and maturity to do well and not mess up.

Here's some questions nobody's asked you before:

If people asking questions drives you crazy, how are you going to manage a toddler who asks "Why?" to everything?

How are you going to manage your daily routine being shot to hell because the baby sleeps at odd hours?

Are you just going to exist in your own little world while your fiancee does all the parenting?

How will you react when you're alone with baby and the baby won't stop crying?

Have you been reading any Baby books or book about fatherhood?

Have you been considering the expense of child care, comparing cloth and disposable diaper options, discussed with your fiancee if she wants to breastfeed and for how long, considered the expense of formula, created a 10 year plan that includes a savings for the baby's college tuition?

Do you have any plans on being able to put that little person ahead of yourself in your priorities?

Have you done anything except think about how hard you've got it because people ask you questions?

That's a little different. The child is asking why because the child wants to learn and understand the world. My parents always raised me as if I was growing up to be an adult. Which means I'd never talk down to the child, and it means being able to give the child the foundations of logic and learning. There is a clear difference between people expecting answers to questions obviously unable to answer right now. To a child learning the world around him.



I sleep at odd hours myself. I actually stay up to about 4am most mornings. So its only natural that I'd be up around odd hours.



I never said that, now did I? I do need space though or I do collaspe.



Did you forget that I have two other brothers? I'm the oldest and had to handle them both. And one is high functioning autistic. So, I'm fine with that.



Pop psychology. No. I will not read books about pop psychology and mainstream psychology. I know how I want to raise the kid and I will raise the kid the way my father raised me. With the foundations for my child to succeed me and the child's mother. With the foundations of knowledge. When I was a kid my dad always challenged me mentally, with word games, and mind games. I will raise the child with the same foundations.



I have. And my parents never set me up a college tuition.



Yes and no. College is a must for me right now. Thus, I will do my college 1 year program.



No. The day I wrote this thread I was just venting and having a bit of a meltdown after the fight with my fiancee and wanting to scream at her mother.

I have been planning stuff.

I can't fault that. People try and guilt others into what they feel is appropriate. It might be..'a prudent idea' if your wife is a 'touchy feely' type - just for her sake to do a few things that are expected, but in your case wife seems to understand you fine, and it's about understanding..the rest don't really matter much, and if they don't understand and accept..well that's their problem you can't control that.


It's very important to try..can't ask more than that, but there really is nothing more important than to guide a child into life, you are all they have.

This. Even though the PandoraBox might simply be very stressed right now and might make a good father 8 months down the line, I found the comment about him debating whether to end the pregnancy very disturbing.

It does, but on the contrary, it makes you the mother of a living child, the vast majority of the time.

I agree with Cockney Rebel. I am hoping the girlfriend chooses not to abort with or without the support of the father. I am speaking from experience. An abortion is something that cannot be changed. It is a decision that can turn out to be the biggest regret of your life. Whether you view this baby as a living thing or not, it is..... It is not just a group of cells at this point. It is a human life that will (if God is willing) continue to grow and come into this world as a living, breathing, human person. I am fortunate that I was given another chance to be a mother. But to this day, 21 years later, I still regret having an abortion. I was also pregnant another time but miscarried. I was able to hear the baby's heartbeat at 8 weeks.

Pandora, I feel for you. I know these are big changes and you may face some obstacles. But I am hoping that you and your girl can work things out. I know that you think from a logical point of view, and all of this stuff is highly emotional. Other people (including your mother in law) are just excited about things. I hope you can find a way to cope with all of this, but if you can't, I hope that you will not influence your girlfriend to have an abortion. If you love her the way you say you do, then don't let that happen. It will leave a permanent scar.

Oh, and BTW, I am the proud mother of an Aspie whom I love dearly.

I find it a contradiction then that having an abortion wouldn't make you un pregnant, but yet when you deliver one, it makes you un pregnant. It doesn't make any sense.


@Pandora, I applaud to you for being able to answer all those question wefunction asked. I wouldn't have been able to because I am always afraid of judgments and criticism being thrown at me and I don't want to hear them so I would have avoided those questions in a heart beat. But you were brave. I have always avoided answering those sort of questions, especially about money when a few people would ask me about it.

@angelbear, CR, Lene, wefunction, and anyone else who feels about abortion, I once thought about having an abortion last May because I was scared of losing it again and going through the same thing again like I did in my first pregnancy but at the same time I wanted a baby but I was so stressed out about it because I didn't really feel pregnant and I had no insurance and I had all these negative thoughts going through my mind about the what ifs. But I am glad I stuck with it or else I wouldn't have had a beautiful boy. Plus abortions are painful to have and my husband would have been very upset if I did it behind his back and I didn't want to lie to him by saying I had a miscarriage again or hurt him. The lie would have hurt him too if he found out. Plus I wouldn't even want to lie about having one as a cover up because then I would end up with fake sympathy and I would feel even more guilty. And the secret I wouldn't even want to live with and continue deceiving people.

While it depends on the patient's pain tolerance, abortions are no more painful than a rough day of menstrual cramps and there is prescription pain killer provided to the patient for that time.

I believe it's also important to point out that abortion is an issue of Individuals. One woman's experience and decisions cannot affect or influence another woman. We all live different lives and every one of us deserves to make our own decisions based on factual information and a safe ability to choose what's best for ourselves.