Autistic Burnout

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I had my first burnout back in '99. I was working in manufacturing 50-60 hours a week. I did pretty well at the very repetitive job that I had, but then I was transferred to a much harder job that entailed much less linear thinking. This was because I had done so well at the previous job. I shortly became very ill and when I returned to the job I found that I just could not do it anymore. I quit in less than 2 weeks.
I returned to manufacturing about 4 months later to a job that I had prior. I had been a printer by trade. This I tried to do for 13 years and I always struggled to keep up. I could mostly do it, at the expense of my family. Generally, all I could do in the evening was try to recuperate for the next day. I finally quit 1 year ago this past February. Last fall I found that I was most likely Autistic. I have been slowly letting go of my facade since I quit my last job. I am lucky because my wife owns her business and I went to work for her. I am becoming happier with myself as time goes. The stress of trying to fit became overwhelming, until I simply crashed. Today, my small circle of friends (most of whom I know through my wife) seem to accept me for me.

I'm pretty burnt out.

I had the most severe episode of depression I've ever had in my life after graduating from high school.

^^ that is exactly what is happening to me in my life right now. I no longer have the energy to keep the facade up. To keep pretending to be normal. It's too hard. Most of my family is accepting. They are having trouble adjusting though. I think they keep hoping that I will get better and be less autistic. As for me I have finally accepted myself. I have finally felt ready to change my name to Âû on Facebook. I had to go through a grieving process first. Similar to the one that Karla went through that she talks about on one of her slides on her Karla's ASD page. I have come out the other side much happier and finally at peace with myself ♥

This thread is amazing. Thank you to everyone who posted. For those of you who had commented in the very beginning a couple of years ago: how are you doing now? I hope you all have managed to get through this okay.

I'm finding myself on the brink of a burnout right now. I've been struggling, STRUGGLING to finish my thesis for my master's degree, and I have been working part time (which is an easy 1 day/week), plus taking care of my 18 month old during the day. I can take care of her and provide for her needs just fine, but the executive function I have for myself is nearly nonexistent. My husband is very understanding and has been taking care of the household chores and cooking dinner and going grocery shopping when he gets home. By the end of the day I am completely drained though. I collapse into bed and can't think straight, yet my mind runs a million miles a minute.

I feel as though I've hit a wall and that wall is about to swallow me whole unless I figure out how to back away from it. The weird thing is that all I want to do is hyperfocus on the things I find interesting, and that's about the only thing in my life I have seemingly limitless energy for. I have this overwhelming need to just be alone to read or write or paint (all things that recharge me), but I can't do that for more than an afternoon maybe once a week at a time, and it's not enough. I feel like I instinctively know what to do in order to heal, but the time and things necessary for doing that just aren't feasible in my life right now.

Like what many have said in the previous comments, I have begun to drop the NT facade and be my more "natural autistic" self and that has helped a little. At least the energy that was being spent on doing that is now freed up to allow me to care for my daughter and even the most basic needs for myself. This whole burnout has been building up since at least August, (though I suspect it's been looming for the past two years, but I've been able to keep it at bay until now) and around September something just kind of snapped in me and I found that I just couldn't keep up the act of normal anymore. I had been working on a project for an online magazine (which I thought would aid me in starting my career, but it ended up being a bust) and the girl who ran it kept piling on more and more (despite telling her I didn't have enough time to do it all) and I just stopped caring. I would get on my computer, try to work, and my mind would just go blank. So, I quit. My husband and sister say it's not my fault and that that girl was demanding too much and taking advantage of my time (which is true, as a few other people quit around the same time) but I still feel like it was a failure.

Anyway, so when that all happened, I just kind of threw my hands up and stopped with worrying about being "normal." I don't have the energy to do so anymore, so why bother? I have grown apart from one of my best friends because of this, which has hurt, but my other best friend has been very understanding, as has most of my family.

My dad has autism, but he doesn't really understand me and I can't really talk to him about this. I feel incredibly alone in this, and I feel like no one in my life understands what a struggle it is just to get through the day. Also, as previous comments mentioned, this is definitely different from depression. (Though I realize that these can coincide and/or lead to one another, I'm sure.) I have interest in things, and I love being alive for the most part... I just have hit a wall and I feel as though I could sleep for a thousand years.

What you wrote and I bolded sounds so very tempting. I do hope this is not permanent because I really do not want to sleep through everything. I hope the old pre burnout me comes back because I want to see how much I can accomplish with a combination of the old energy plus all the new knowledge.

I recovered from the burnout period in 2011, at least to some extent. I was slowly building up structure and routines to manage my meals, laundry, etc. when I developed hypothyroid a few months ago and then got a nasty flu last month and everything fell apart. I'm trying to put everything back together but I came down with a sinus infection a few days ago which undid some of the reconstruction process.

I also yet again lost my ability to play video games for serious lengths of time, which may not sound like a big deal because it's recreation, but this inability is reflected in many other things (such as going to bright loud crowded stores) where it is difficult to focus and function properly without having everything break down from overload again.

6 years ago my psychiatrist told me that my case was the most serious case of human exhaustion he had ever seen..

He gave me zero chance for recovery...

But never giving up is the secret to my success....

And yes... i finally did completely recover back to a state of something which i can only describe as human bliss..last year starting in July...

Rather than repeating it all here again..

I did a blog post to describe my life in general..and my recovery this year..

in hopes something in it might spark someone else's recovery as well..

I was a complete introvert before and now am a complete extrovert..

The potential of human beings through epigenetics and neuroplasticity..is almost limitless in my
personal opinion..in my life now..

At 53 i am much stronger..healthier ..and happier than ever before in my life..and even coming out of a period
of being a complete shut in for over 5 years..with little ability to even move..or use my eyes or ears...
now folks tell me in real life..i have not aged in 2 decades..again more proof of the regenerative potential..
in a human being...

And my therapist described it as a real life miracle..in how fast i regained my emotions and ability
to reconnect to people..when my recovery went into full speed last July...

But anyway.. before i write a novel here on it..which i probably could..

Here is the link summarizing my recovery..with background information....

http://katiemiafrederick.com/2013/12/31 ... in-review/

I am so glad I am not the only one. What a relief.

I feel the same way; how awesome would that be to have the old energy back with the knowledge gained from this whole experience!




That makes a lot of sense. I personally have found that I can't really sit through a movie lately, and yes, that is reflected in a lot of other things, as you mention.

Take care of yourself. I hope you feel better soon and get that structure back. It's amazing how being sick a couple of times can throw everything off.


Thanks, aghogday- I hope I can recover from this half as much as you have recovered!

I'm finding it really difficult to be honest with myself about how much I really can and cannot do right now, after basically forcing myself to function at the energy level of an NT for so many years (despite a few other minor burnouts and one other major burnout in my past, though I didn't realize that was what was going on). I wish this was a more talked-about thing.

Burnout describes my life experience as well. I pushed myself way past my ability to cope, and finally just broke down, and can barely function at all anymore.

This is a fantastic thread, so I'm gonna keep it going.

Had my burnout about 11 months ago. Took close to 5 months to become stable, and I still haven't recovered completely. Certain cognitive functions have diminished significantly, and I am scared to death that they will never come back all the way. It is like having a stroke that stagnates intelligence. It's very frustrating, though learning about ASD has been one of the most emotionally comforting discoveries I've ever happened upon. Thank Krishna for that!

I'm very familiar with the concept of burnout; I went through a major breakdown a few years ago where I quit my job due to negative sensory overload, lost my apartment without money to pay the rent, and almost ran out on my family on Christmas Eve. It took me the better part of a year to get back on my feet, but I did it thanks to my brother taking me in for a while. What I don't understand is the "drop the façade/mental redecoration" thing some of you are talking about.

How can I possibly do that? Putting on a very shaky "normal" act is the only way I can communicate effectively in person, which I must do in order to get by. I've been doing it so long that I don't even recognize an alternative. My differences, when I failed to hide them, were always an embarrassment and an excuse for my parents, peers, and religion to judge and reject me, and their judgments cut me to the bone. I've never healed; I just relive the pain over and over. Even now after leaving the religion, letting all my peers drift away, and limiting contact with my family, how can I simply choose not to worry about what people think of me? You can't just disregard a 29-year-old inferiority complex. I think that being myself--even if I knew how to go about it--would be even harder. It would mean communicating and venturing out even less than I do now. It might also alienate my family and cost me my job. Without income and people who can help me out, I'm screwed. Knowing that, can I ever be honest with myself?

I'm miserable this way, but I see no other path. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel helpless.

For me, the only way I can do this, is for the fact that I am retired. I am more of my non-verbal self in real life, and happy when I am dancing in a 'stimming' kind of way wherever I go, but I know fully well that it is not the social norm, and I could pay a price in the work place for this abhorrent behavior in my fairly small locality of immediate city population. Retirement is what freed me. And amazingly I meet new friends who feel my abhorrent behavior is brave and free, although not nearly of my age group at age 54. They are folks mostly in their 20's that I see when I dance in stores, and the Rave club I go to with them.

If you ever saw the movie Frozen, oh boy did I really LET IT GO, but it feels so good to be free without worrying about repercussions in the workplace area of necessary subsistence.

I retain my intellectual barometer of what is acceptable and not acceptable, but I do taste freedom, and it does taste good.

And to be clear, I realize that in the abstract concept of Autism there are many folks who do not need to stim, and I too after burnout was extremely overwhelmed by all environmental stimulus, but in my earlier years as it is now, I crave environmental stimulus and am living that way again.

So what I am saying here is try to find the best balance you can to stay as relaxed as you can. Different things work for different folks. A TAI CHI way to balance my mind and body works for me. For some other folks it might be walks in nature. I like music too, with my TAI CHI and that works for folks too. And my goodness there could be almost an infinite number of things that might work for the individual person.

But in the real world to fit into the social norm well enough to maintain a job, a certain amount of give and take, is realistically required.

Stress is cumulative, I build my strength again, but I am not foolish enough to go back into the work place in the type of stressful administrative job as supervisor of scores to over a hundred people, ever again at my age in the mid 50's. And thank goodness my psychiatrist and doctors have enough understanding of my condition to never send me back, as I am retired on civil service disability from the government and reach normal retirement age at 56 in less than two years from now, where i will then be able to secure subsistence with regular retirement and also perhaps find paid work to do, that I can accommodate with this condition of Autism safely, and protect my health from harm.

Nah, it won't nearly likely be at the range of 60K that my other retired job now pays, but I was never cut out to do that anyway, undiagnosed as such, with Autism in middle age.

And yes, the real lifesaver for me is a wife of close to 25 years, who will never likely understand me close to fully, but loves me enough to tolerate my differences that are at times extreme, but even if she cannot personally accept some of the behaviors from her personal viewpoint, she still loves me in the unconditional tolerance type of way. It works. It works. It works enough for me and her. And that's enough. :)

Good fortune to you. I wish the best for you. I know it's not easy. But it's possible.

I alternate semesters in a never ending cycle. The first is usually where I work passionately and block out the stress that is slowly building up. The following semester I develop a gradually worsening burnout where I can barely focus or get anything done. Also burnout and depression go hand in hand, so a single or multiple negative experiences can slowly escalate into a depression with a lasting burnout.

I don't know how I will explain an employer that I can work twice as hard one half of a year, and only a fraction as hard the other half. Even though I can get more done in the first half of the year than most of my peers do the entire year, I'm afraid they will simply fire me once they see I'm burning out and they are unable to see the bigger picture.

For me, I grew up following narratives that did not resonate with me. Originally, I was forced to do activities in school that did not resonate with me, creating a feeling of resentment, both from those in authority as well as from me. I was constantly told/given what I was supposed to enjoy, and I tried to convince myself that my enjoyment was sincere, though I hauled my chronic depression around with me wherever I went. 'Fitting in' was a top priority, probably due to some bullying and childhood abuse, and I did it very well for a very long time. Did the whole girlfriend thing, on track for long-term plans, but none of it felt appealing or as a part of "me" on a deeper level (not even a bit). It was all a facade I kept up for most my life. I still use the skills to "act normal" when absolutely necessary in everyday life, though those skills never went into effect when I was around my closest friends growing up, and I no longer let NT narratives dictate how I plan and live my life, how I think of myself, how I choose to portray myself to others.



Context is key. Figuring out how to distribute your mental/social resources in a way that's not overwhelming. I know rigid thinking had me convinced that my identity had to be consistent, and this is not the case. I was fortunate enough to have a close friend help replace overarching, general rigid thinking with strategic, particulars thinking (ie, shifting frames. That way, I can still use my style of thinking, but I approach the problem in a different, more helpful/productive manner). This will probably look a bit differently with everyone, and perhaps would be best done with the help of a counselor. Psychology programs associated with schools tend to have a sliding pay scale to help work with those in need, maybe that would be worth checking out.

I'm not gonna preach as if I have it all figured out though . I was lucky to come a long ways, but still have a long ways to go! From what I've read others say on WP, as well as my own experience (though it took 18 years to convince me), it is possible for things to improve. Good luck Chuck! Don't give up (the mental health and cultural-social system are not built to help people like us get the best help we can get, so it can be very difficult and frustrating to maneuver, but that doesn't mean that adequate help and advice is not out there. Keep on looking)!