Page 3 of 8 [ 123 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ... 8  Next

bethaniej
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 9 Mar 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 162
Location: Charlotte, NC

10 Mar 2010, 11:15 pm

This if my first post here...so I hope i do it right. My daughter was recently diagnosed with aspergers after years of my trying to figure out why she wasn't 'the same' as the other children I work/ed with. This thread interested me because of the lying issue. What my daughter told our psychologist when asked is that she "can't tell a lie for long." I've found that to be true about her. She can lie convincingly (I couldn't lie as a kid...I'd go red in the face and start shaking, that was my tell), but she can't hold it. For her that's like holding onto a secret (another impossibility for her). For instance, at Christmas a friend took her shopping for my Christmas present. She got it home and couldn't wrap it because she was too excited and needed to tell me/show me right away. When I tried to call my friend to say thank you, I can't wait to open it; my daughter began yelling in the background that it wasn't under the tree or wrapped and that I'd seen it already. I felt really embarrassed, but when I asked her about it, she said, "It isn't right for you to lie. You're the Mom." Even though I was trying to spare my friend's feelings about the gift, to her my being honest was more important. That said, when she does lie, she has to come tell me the truth within a week. The bigger the lie, it seems like the harder she tries to hold it, but the more likely she'll tell anyway.

Bethanie



arisu
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 161

11 Mar 2010, 12:58 am

glad to see this topic show up. early on before diagnosis, when i was considering the possibility of AS i thought my ability to lie might be a disqualifying factor.

i can lie really, really well and as far as i know have never been caught in a lie. but i had to learn at a very young age to keep my family's deep, dark secret. it also helped that my NT sister lies about everything...rather badly since she doesn't even necessarily tell lies that make sense. pathological? maybe. either way she proved a good learning experience.

i think it's easier to lie to people who know you because they don't expect you to have any expression on your face. NTs who don't know you may distrust you straight from the offset because they can't read your face and so may assume you're lying either way.

mostly i lie when i don't want to deal with something so not necessarily that often. a typical situation: an evangelical christian comes up to me in a bookstore and wants to chat. first question is something about the bible. me: i've never read the bible; i'm a buddhist. this answer generally shuts them up pretty fast. i dunno, i suppose they don't know what to say to the notion of ME being buddhist. (a bit stupid in this day-and-age to assume that anyone cant be any religion.)


_________________
"Life can be very confusing...filled with good things and filled with bad things. But it's my life...and I have choices." -Amber Brown


unityemissions
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 69

11 Mar 2010, 1:07 am

I wouldn't post info like that. It really wasn't hard for me to figure out your families secret. I won't say, but just know that IP addy's are easily tracked, and you could possibly have FBI raid your place in a flash.

Peace

P.S. The lying you display disgusts me, though I understand. You're somewhat immoral because of how your family is. Hopefully you will find someone you can look up to one day who can teach you right from wrong...The truth is always easiest in the end...you could easily have told the Mormon that you think God to be the personification of the super-ego, and demons to be disowned unconscious desires (ID). It's not like they could have you locked up or anything. Or you could have simply walked off without saying a word. Or you could have just said, "I'm not interested, leave me be". So many easy things you could have done that didn't require a lie...


_________________
Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.
--Thomas Jefferson --


Brittany2907
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2007
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,718
Location: New Zealand

11 Mar 2010, 1:12 am

I didn't know whether I was good or bad at lying so I asked my mum. She said to me..."You didn't lie as a kid, either that or you were extremely good at it and never got caught". Maybe that's why I couldn't remember - it never happened in the first place. Strange I know because most kids do lie to try to get out of trouble.


_________________
I = Vegan!
Animals = Friends.


arisu
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 161

11 Mar 2010, 1:32 am

unityemissions wrote:
I wouldn't post info like that. It really wasn't hard for me to figure out your families secret. I won't say, but just know that IP addy's are easily tracked, and you could possibly have FBI raid your place in a flash.

Peace

P.S. The lying you display disgusts me, though I understand. You're somewhat immoral because of how your family is. Hopefully you will find someone you can look up to one day who can teach you right from wrong...The truth is always easiest in the end...you could easily have told the Mormon that you think God to be the personification of the super-ego, and demons to be disowned unconscious desires (ID). It's not like they could have you locked up or anything. Or you could have simply walked off without saying a word. Or you could have just said, "I'm not interested, leave me be". So many easy things you could have done that didn't require a lie...


uh...wow. first off, this wasn't a mormon i was talking to. second, i'm polytheistic so anything i said about "God" would be a lie. third, my family's big secret was that my mother is mentally ill and was beating me and my siblings bloody every day. so...i don't see how the FBI would get involved with that. apparently you didn't figure it out after all.


_________________
"Life can be very confusing...filled with good things and filled with bad things. But it's my life...and I have choices." -Amber Brown


unityemissions
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 69

11 Mar 2010, 2:10 am

arisu wrote:
unityemissions wrote:
I wouldn't post info like that. It really wasn't hard for me to figure out your families secret. I won't say, but just know that IP addy's are easily tracked, and you could possibly have FBI raid your place in a flash.

Peace

P.S. The lying you display disgusts me, though I understand. You're somewhat immoral because of how your family is. Hopefully you will find someone you can look up to one day who can teach you right from wrong...The truth is always easiest in the end...you could easily have told the Mormon that you think God to be the personification of the super-ego, and demons to be disowned unconscious desires (ID). It's not like they could have you locked up or anything. Or you could have simply walked off without saying a word. Or you could have just said, "I'm not interested, leave me be". So many easy things you could have done that didn't require a lie...


uh...wow. first off, this wasn't a mormon i was talking to. second, i'm polytheistic so anything i said about "God" would be a lie. third, my family's big secret was that my mother is mentally ill and was beating me and my siblings bloody every day. so...i don't see how the FBI would get involved with that. apparently you didn't figure it out after all.


Oh, my bad for assuming with the Mormons. It's irrelevant if you're polytheistic or not. That has no bearing on the situation. Sure, you could have said that you don't believe in one God. You could have said that in your opinion, God is a lie. You could have said that God doesn't bother you, so why should you bother him. Really, you could have said thousands of things without lying. Err...you really don't think the FBI looks into issues like that?! To be honest I was thinking of something different, though.


_________________
Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.
--Thomas Jefferson --


Notsurprised
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 84
Location: Canada

11 Mar 2010, 2:30 am

Find it hard to lie in cases where it could hurt or cheat somebody.
The reason probly is I fear catching hell if caught. I worry about wether people believe me
even when I am just stateing things the way I see them.
A theripst once told me that telling people what you think they want to hear is lieing too,
like trying to seem interested in what stupid things they might have done on the weekend.



unityemissions
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 69

11 Mar 2010, 3:49 am

Notsurprised wrote:
Find it hard to lie in cases where it could hurt or cheat somebody.
The reason probly is I fear catching hell if caught. I worry about wether people believe me
even when I am just stateing things the way I see them.
A theripst once told me that telling people what you think they want to hear is lieing too,
like trying to seem interested in what stupid things they might have done on the weekend.


Definitely a lie, and one that society accepts day in and out. We're programmed to think this is acceptable on many fronts. It's inauthentic and harbors compliance and complacency. If something is wrong, say it! Let it be known. If someone is pigeon holing you into a certain type of answer, call them out! Screw what other people expect in us. We are as we are. Take us in our entirety or not at all. The choice is not ours to decide.


_________________
Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.
--Thomas Jefferson --


justMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Nov 2009
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 539

11 Mar 2010, 4:04 am

This statement is a lie.


I dislike lying, they're jagged, incomplete, unaesthetic in my head.

Not very good at it because I don't transmit the physical cues to "sell" it either.


Well, to be fair, either people assume I'm completely honest, or completely dishonest, due to the lack of cues.

Happily I love deadpan humor, and am quite good at selling thoroughly ridiculous jokes that way.


The truth is useful, it has the ability to produce new truths, a lie is only useful for illuminating itself, and contrasting other truths against it.

Lying, from my perspective, is like saying 1 + 1 = cat, then continuing that cat + cat = chair, and cat * chair = table, except that is a logically constructed, if ridiculous structure, so it's more like saying all that, then stating that table + chair = cat, which is absurd.



Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

11 Mar 2010, 5:39 am

I know an aspie who lies all the time, and is totally manipulative. I think it's part of a kind of coping strategy she's adopted, her being unable to get what she needs in a straightforward way.

I rarely lie as I find it a lot more work than being honest.



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

11 Mar 2010, 6:33 am

When I lie I feel dishonest doing it, so I rarely do it.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

11 Mar 2010, 7:02 am

I hate lying. I find it hard to do due to guilt. I find it so easy to lie when I am embarrassed about something. I often feel like I am lying when I don't get everything out of my mouth or tell everything.

I lied a lot as a kid because I didn't like getting into trouble so I would lie to stay out of it but it never worked. My mom always knew it was me. She always knew I was lying. I rarely got away with it.

But I have never tried lying to see if I get caught or not. I know I can jump on a forum and claim to be diagnosed with cancer and people will believe me. That is so easy to do but can I keep it up? I don't like to lie so I always tell the truth. I don't say things about myself that are not true. I have also admitted things too I did online and didn't deny it when someone called me out on it.

I did troll AS Partners and pretended to be NT and claimed for my husband to be aspie and my dad and relatives. I found it hard to do because it was like I was telling a story and I had to think up a story to make posts. But it was also fun getting the attention. But I was caught. I assume they found out I was an aspie. Why approve my posts and then take away my reply button? So I think I was caught being an aspie.

I have gone to Yahoo Answers and trolled and found it lot of fun and getting all this attention. But I would also feel a little guilty because people would take my question seriously and they would give me a good answer. I felt bad for that because they wasted their time with a troll making that answer. But hey at least they got two points but still. I haven't done any trolling there since January. I got bored because not all my troll questions got attention. Now bunch of replies or they had none. But when I made them more trollish, it got more attention. I see trolling as a form of lying because what you are saying is not true. Even the things you say are not your genuine opinions or views because the whole point is to get reactions out of people and to see what they say and what their reactions be.



StuartN
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jan 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,569

11 Mar 2010, 7:06 am

Did telling the truth to your psychologist or psychiatrist or general practitioner ever get you in trouble?

I think these people want the truth, in some abstract sense, but in reality they do not ever expect to hear it. So when they ask me a question and I tell them the answer, because there is only one answer, it can drive them into total panic and get me in a load of trouble. For instance, how is anyone supposed to answer "Do you have suicidal or self-harmful thoughts?"

I suspect that people with Asperger's syndrome get into trouble very easily if they are examined by a psychiatrist for anything other than Asperger's.



Kilroy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Apr 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,549
Location: Beyond the Void

11 Mar 2010, 7:07 am

I lie all the time, I can be a very manipulative, sometimes spiteful person when I want to be.
That whole myth of all AS people are sweet and genuine-lol
big lie

the irony
but yes, lying is easy for me and I don't feel anything if I do
I lie when I need to, for personal gain
as what most lying is (or to spare someone's feelings-I do that too)



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 27,205
Location: Pacific Northwest

11 Mar 2010, 7:12 am

I know I have been manipulative in the past but it never worked. I don't even try to manipulate because I also see that as being dishonest because you trick people. I only find it okay when you are a parent. Of course you are going to punish your kids to get them to listen. Of course you are going to threaten them with a punishment so they listen. That's the whole point in parenting, to teach your kids to follow rules and treat others with respect, etc. or you get a consequence. Now that isn't tricking because it's all genuine. if your kids don't listen you follow through with your punishment.



zombiecide
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 200
Location: Europe

11 Mar 2010, 7:59 am

anandamide wrote:
I usually don't have a clue what people outside my family are truly feeling or thinking unless they tell me or give me some really clear sign, so I am not able to tell very well if they are lying. Although I can assume what they might feel and need through a kind of reasoned judgement, I am usually clueless if they have some personal hidden agenda.

That's mindblindness as well? I thought it was ... normal.


I have trouble lying directly, because I get nervous, make more eye-contact that usually, my eyes also drift to the left. My whole self-experience changes and I suddenly feel like 'I' am very small and my body is a shell, and I have no idea how this shows.
I however am good at omitting part of the truth and leaving gaps that other people usually fill with what they assume has to be there. When talking to other people, I often pause to rearrange my thoughts and my conversation partners often suggest what they think might be the word I was looking for. I don't know if this behaviour is common everywhere, but it is very common where I grew up, and it's a way to show you're being attentive. So, when I don't want to tell the truth about something I use this behaviour by pausing when I don't need to think, and usually the other person 'helps me out' by finishing the sentence with what they think should be there. I do this to avoid confrontation and in the hope that it buys me time to fix whatever was wrong. Often it does, sometimes it doesn't. :roll:
I lie a lot more than I want to because I don't have the guts to tell the truth and face the anger or disappointment of other people (with me, but also with the situation or with other people.)


_________________
My name is BUPANTS and I'm a superhero.
Also: http://languagelearners.myfastforum.org