Becoming aware of that which you are unaware of

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This has been a major theme of my journey since getting a diagnosis - becoming aware of that which I was previously unaware of.

It has taken me a long time to realise that pressure is quite important for me and that sound can be an issue for me too, so I have to wonder how much else there is that I'm simply unaware of.

Another thing is that when someone asks me about my awareness of, say, non-verbal communication, how can I possibly say? To say implies that I know that others percieve more than I do, which is particularly difficult for me since I've always operated under the assumption that everyone else has pretty much exactly the same information to work with as myself, so until the diagnosis I just tended to assume that people are overly presumptuous.

Moving on... When I got my coloured glasses, one of the effects I noticed was quite obscure - something that I wouldn't've picked up on had I not very recently realised my problem in that area (being unable to sense a connection with someone/appreciate their company when not directly interacting). So this indicates that there are probably a number of effects that the glasses have on me that I'm simply not aware of.

So right now it happens to be timely that I try to work out if and how my executive functioning is affected, and I'm confronted with the same bizarre situation where I have to try to become aware of that which I'm unaware of.

I welcome and encourage personal reflections forthwith.

I think it's quite difficult to develop self-awareness, and in my experience it only comes in retrospect, sometimes after a number of years.

I have chronic fatigue and for a long time I thought I was just lazy and that other people had more fortitude and drive than I did. But understanding fatigue is a lot easier than understanding the subtleties (and sometimes not so subtle issues) of AS.

I used to think that other people thought the same way I do, and I would get angry and frustrated that they were so obtuse, and sometimes, it seemed to me, so dumb. It took me a long time to appreciate that other people just see things differently, and that I have to suspend my judgment to try to accept and take in their point of view. I'm still not very good at it.

I have gotten myself into bad situations in the past by being too inflexible and too angry, and unable to see that other people had motives that were hidden to me. I don't know that I would be better able to cope with it now, other than I am less likely to jump to conclusions, and also less likely to stick my neck out, especially when I perceive some injustice, which was the one thing that always made my blood boil.

There are other things I know now, since I have discovered that I am on the spectrum, like the fact that my skin is very sensitive to touch and pain, and that not everyone experiences that in the same way. Or that when I get overwhelmed by having too many people around, it's not the same for others and that's why they can't understand why I react so badly, sometimes by yelling or crying, or going into full meltdown mode. I had no idea until recently that meltdowns were AS related.