"I have Asperger's" is no excuse.
I use I have Aspergers as an excuse for why I pull away from another person's touch. I have found telling them I am autistic instead of yelling don't touch me keeps them from being insulted.
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I pull away from people because I have fibromyalgia and it frigging hurts to be touched. People go from insulted to understanding when they understand the reason why they are being rejected. Why should it be any different for Asperger's? If you can't make eye contact with your boss and it is causing him to distrust you or question your work ethic telling him you have a condition that causes this reaction not only teaches but also protects your position against the perceived 'negatives' that would get a normal person fired.
If you want to walk walk around insulting people just to get a reaction - then flip them off with 'I have asperger's' then you are just an as*hole who is making things harder for the rest.
I'm just afriad that this question is one that can force alot of people into self imposed exile. If people feel they cannot go out in public because they are going to screw up and they don't want to 'use an excuse' then this thinking is too toxic to tolerate. If someone goes out and makes some spectacular blunders and in the course of an apology explains 'I have Asperger's - I did not intend any offense, alot of the time, I'm not very aware for what is and isn't offensive. I wasn't trying to hurt you and I'm sorry that I did." It may repair a relationship, it may not, but at least it empower someone to keep trying to get it right. It's a reason - not an excuse, just as a double amputation is a reason to use a wheel chair. No one would accuse a double amputee of just being lazy and wanting primo parking...
Verdandi
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If you want to walk walk around insulting people just to get a reaction - then flip them off with 'I have asperger's' then you are just an as*hole who is making things harder for the rest.
I'm just afriad that this question is one that can force alot of people into self imposed exile. If people feel they cannot go out in public because they are going to screw up and they don't want to 'use an excuse' then this thinking is too toxic to tolerate. If someone goes out and makes some spectacular blunders and in the course of an apology explains 'I have Asperger's - I did not intend any offense, alot of the time, I'm not very aware for what is and isn't offensive. I wasn't trying to hurt you and I'm sorry that I did." It may repair a relationship, it may not, but at least it empower someone to keep trying to get it right. It's a reason - not an excuse, just as a double amputation is a reason to use a wheel chair. No one would accuse a double amputee of just being lazy and wanting primo parking...
I actually have to agree with this. I think people might also be quick to label this as "using it as an excuse" which is of course not the case. Explanations are distinct from excuses.
But you're not being an as*hole if you don't know you're doing something wrong. It's not about knowing the rules and then breaking them anyway, it's about breaking rules that you never knew existed. Add that to the fact that nts would rather bring on the personal insults than help you out and let you know what you're doing wrong and the misunderstandings just keep coming.
To me "using it as an excuse" means doing stuff on purpose and then using the label or just blaming stuff on it that may not have anything to do with it or when it has nothing to do with it.
Like let's say a person in a wheelchair thinks they are entitled to run people over with their wheels because they are in a wheelchair. They go around and run over peoples toes and not even be courteous and say excuse me to get through or not even say sorry when they do it on accident just because they are in a wheelchair, now that is using your wheelchair as an excuse. But let's say they can't participate in a sport because you need working legs to play, that is not using it as an excuse, it's a reason.
I grew up that "excuse" meant a cop out, not a reason. If you have a reason, then you are not using it as an excuse. Like let's say I am on my way to work and I get stuck behind the train so it makes me ten minutes late to work, am I using the train as an excuse for my lateness? No, it's a reason. What other options could there be to prevent this? What other options could there be to make me be to work on time? None so therefore it's not an excuse, it's a reason. When people saying something is not an excuse, they mean there were other options you could have taken and I interpret that as they are using something as an excuse.
But if people want to call those excuses, oh boy I be offended if they said them to my face because I think they be accusing me of making excuses and bullshitting. But if they went no no no, I mean you had a valid excuse but to me it still means it could have been prevented but I chose to not take any other options.
Sometimes I think people are using irony when they say someone has an excuse now such as food allergies so they have an excuse to not eat something they are allergic too and I take that as irony.
But of course I have finally realized just because I can think of other options and someone had an excuse for it doesn't mean they refused to do those other options, maybe they just didn't think of it. After all not everyone is as smart. So I wouldn't call them excuses they have or else I am implying they are making it up and they are using it as a cop out. But sadly lot of people lack this TOM because they assume those are excuses because they think there were other ways and they don't even bother to ask "Why didn't you...." or "Couldn't you have..." they just assume they knew of those other options or assume those options would have worked for them.
But you're not being an as*hole if you don't know you're doing something wrong. It's not about knowing the rules and then breaking them anyway, it's about breaking rules that you never knew existed. Add that to the fact that nts would rather bring on the personal insults than help you out and let you know what you're doing wrong and the misunderstandings just keep coming.
I think he means refusing to learn social skills and intentionally saying things you know is rude and then saying it's your AS. That's how I interpreted his post or else it be absurd if he meant the other way around which is how some members like you are interpreting it.
leejosepho
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But you're not being an as*hole if you don't know you're doing something wrong. It's not about knowing the rules and then breaking them anyway, it's about breaking rules that you never knew existed. Add that to the fact that nts would rather bring on the personal insults than help you out and let you know what you're doing wrong and the misunderstandings just keep coming.
Sure enough, and then we have new opportunities to learn and to do what we can so we do not offend in the same ways in the future. For example:
I know a man who wears a colostomy bag, and there is nothing he can do about the occasional sound of involuntary activity there. However, he does not take that fact as license to *not* still do whatever he actually *can* to make the entire experience of being near him just as pleasant for everyone as humanly possible.
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ShenLong
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Hey guys. Mind if I drop something here? Let me fetch it out of my knapsack. Here
*places it upon countertop*
This should make up for the wrongs I've caused you guys. Anyways, I have to go! My mum(lolwut he's liek 20) is taking me to see The Hangover Part 2!
*Waves and clumsily steps over threshold of the front door*
*camera pans to card on the desk*
ShenLong
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If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all.
I find this dehumanizing.
I've been essentially mute for 34 years and you're telling me to not say anything at all?
No... just no.
I agree. No one ever "Knows what to say". What does that statement even mean? It's rhetoric. Garbage recycled by parents without original thought in an attempt to socially bandaid thier childrens communication missteps. It's rediculous too, without making mistakes and just remaining silent, you will not learn or grow, your opinions and contributions will remain unheard.
Sorry if this offended you... maybe you're misinterpreting it a bit... but, when you say the "wrong" thing or "slip up" the results can be disastrous and this for me has been a general rule of thumb that has served me well and prevented a lot of problems.
I'm not mute, I just don't say much to people until I'm comfortable around them.
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Seph
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I'm not mute, I just don't say much to people until I'm comfortable around them.
I was probably reading things too negatively and reacting too strongly when this thread went around due to depression. I still stand by the principle of what I was trying to say though. I find it extemely bad taste to say blanket statements about how people use Asperger's and ASD as an excuse without regard to the fact that there are lower functioning people out there. I do understand the point trying to be made though.
My disasters have come from not speaking up when I really needed to. And I'm not mute mute. Just effectively mute. I still talk some.
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Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill? -Cypher, Matrix
I'm not mute, I just don't say much to people until I'm comfortable around them.
I was probably reading things too negatively and reacting too strongly when this thread went around due to depression. I still stand by the principle of what I was trying to say though. I find it extemely bad taste to say blanket statements about how people use Asperger's and ASD as an excuse without regard to the fact that there are lower functioning people out there. I do understand the point trying to be made though.
My disasters have come from not speaking up when I really needed to. And I'm not mute mute. Just effectively mute. I still talk some.
On a more humorous note, if you are able to tell anyone you want to f*ck off and have no repercussions, then you have succeeded in life.
Seph
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lol I'll have to add that to my list of goals in life.
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