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OliveOilMom
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13 Aug 2015, 8:01 am

My daughter was talking about this last night and we had a long discussion about it and I thought I might want to post something about it here since the topic comes up from time to time. One thing she said was that people seem to misunderstand when you when you are strong and think you don't feel negative feelings, but you do. You feel just as scared or hurt or sad or what have you as other people do, but the difference is that you force yourself to suck it up and go on anyway and do what you need to do and handle your business or deal with your day to day s**t even when you feel like you want to die, or you are scared s**tless, etc. That doesn't mean if you are in the depths of clinical depression that you can make yourself get up and do something, but at other times it does.

You basically go on and don't show others what you are feeling, and you learn over time to put them in the back of your mind and function normally. Doing this makes them bother you less when you are trying to get things done. It doesn't make them hurt less, it just makes you able to not think about them.

You learn to do this over time. You start out forcing yourself to do things and it gets easier over time.

Does that make any sense?


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kraftiekortie
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13 Aug 2015, 8:03 am

It's true: it's better if you don't "show your feelings" in public.

Only to your friends.



glebel
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13 Aug 2015, 12:17 pm

I find that "armoring" myself against the world helps me cope. It doesn't make me unfeeling, though many people take it for that.


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kraftiekortie
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13 Aug 2015, 1:44 pm

It's really a requirement for civilization, really--to "armor" yourself and to restrain yourself.

If people didn't restrain themselves, they would probably have gone extinct very quickly.

One cannot just let out every single emotion in the street. Do that on your soft bed, with your soft pillow. Avoid walls at all costs!

LOL....this is coming from a guy who howls in the streets.



glebel
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13 Aug 2015, 1:49 pm

Yeah, walls hurt.


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Cockroach96
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13 Aug 2015, 1:53 pm

I don't think you can be a strong person if you have Asperger's.
If an aspie tries to stand up for himself, he will only make things worse...


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kraftiekortie
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13 Aug 2015, 1:59 pm

I stand up for myself in the world. I stand up for myself here on this Site.

I'm a Spectrumite--but I'm a human being, too.



OliveOilMom
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13 Aug 2015, 2:03 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
I don't think you can be a strong person if you have Asperger's.
If an aspie tries to stand up for himself, he will only make things worse...



BS. I have AS, diagnosed professionally in middle age. I'm stronger than many men I know.

ETA: I also always stand up for myself. The worst thing that could happen is getting my ass handed to me. It hurts but I'll heal. The fact that I'm 51 now means that isn't even likely to happen now. But I stand up for myself and I'm intimidating as hell and not easily intimidated at all, not one little bit.

It's not what you have, it's what you learn.


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Cockroach96
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13 Aug 2015, 2:14 pm

Quote:
The worst thing that could happen is getting my ass handed to me.

What does that mean?


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starfox
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13 Aug 2015, 2:17 pm

:ninja:

Cockroach96 wrote:
Quote:
The worst thing that could happen is getting my ass handed to me.

What does that mean?


Beat up.


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kraftiekortie
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13 Aug 2015, 2:18 pm

That means somebody might try to kick her butt, whether physically or verbally.

When you "get your ass handed to you," that means you've gotten your butt kicked.



Cockroach96
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13 Aug 2015, 2:21 pm

Being beaten up is what happened to me every time I tried to stand up for myself.


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OliveOilMom
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13 Aug 2015, 2:23 pm

Exactly. It means getting my ass kicked. Like I said, unless it's another chick near my age that probably won't happen cause at my age it's not seen as nice to put hands on me, but I'm still in shape and there's no problem with that. I'm a grandma but not THAT KIND of grandma lol.

But I stand up for myself and I'm strong and I certainly wasn't when I was younger, I had to learn how to be and do and think and act and go through so very much hell in my life, but I made it through and it also gave me perspective on the other crap that happens in my life. I wouldn't be who I am today without all the s**t I went through, so in a way I'm grateful for it. It was worth it.


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starfox
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13 Aug 2015, 2:24 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
Being beaten up is what happened to me every time I tried to stand up for myself.

Your brave though. Even if you lost the fight


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OliveOilMom
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13 Aug 2015, 2:26 pm

Cockroach96 wrote:
Being beaten up is what happened to me every time I tried to stand up for myself.


Happened to me a few times too, but it heals and it's pride that hurts the worse about that. You heal and then you try again. That's what you have to do. I did. Also, learn to fight. I did that as well.

Pick your battles too. As for fighting, well you really only have to do that once and win good and then word gets out. I didn't take any chances first time I did, I grabbed a ball bat and commenced to whooping. But nobody bothered me as much after that. I'm not suggesting you do that either, or even fight unless they hit first, I rarely throw the first punch unless it's somebody I'm going after and those days are pretty much gone. But learn what you are doing.


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goldfish21
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13 Aug 2015, 3:20 pm

I can agree that when in those states of mind, "stronger" people are able to get through them better.

However, I've found that the healthier & happier I get mentally, and stronger & fitter I get physically, I don't really have those thoughts or feelings to have to overcome in the first place. I rarely have negative thoughts, and don't have regular depression or anxiety to deal with. The odd time that I have something like that float through my mind, though, I have such an increased capacity to deal with it that it's really quite easily overcome and I don't even have to be strong to do it - it's just my regular state of being now that I have the ability to innately cope with almost anything life throws at me.


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