How do you deal with clingy/needy people?

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While I cannot speak for Ms. Leaf, I have to ask "Where do you think that people learn this behavior?" It isn't as if we invented this aversion to clingy, needy people just for our own amusement; instead, it was being told to "grow up", "go away", and "just deal with it" whenever I needed help that taught me that needy people are burdens that should neither be entertained nor tolerated.

Had I been taught that my troubles were important to others, maybe I would have learned to be more charitable, as well.

Yes, I deal with that.

First and foremost: Congratulations! You must have excellent listening skills. For me, I had to study and practice like hell to develop listening skills. As you've found out, everyone seems to love a good listener, and it has proven one of the key things that I can bring to a true, mutually-supportive friendship.

That's the good news. The bad news is that vulnerable people who desperately need someone to talk to are drawn like moths to a flame. Fortunately, I seem to have a rather stand-offish deportment which can moderate that draw.

For when someone becomes too needy/clingy, the first thing I do is stop doing the "active listening" thing. Because I had to deliberately learn those skills I am rather aware of them and so can turn them off. When thus deprived of their shoulder to cry on, they most often calm down and I can see if there is any potential for a mutually-supportive friendship; often there is not.

"Then I hope you don't expect anyone to ever be a proverbial shoulder to cry on for you..."

my two cents. I think there are times in our life when we are the crier and times when we can be the shoulder. And a person with issues themselves can't always be the shoulder. Some unhealthy people look for another crier so they can be miserable together. Someone who knows they are not a good support is only being honest.

IMHO, it would behoove us people on the spectrum to be more accommodating to each other.

I am needy & clingy within a relationship & I was also attracted to needy & clingy people. My girlfriend's kind of needy & clingy & it doesn't bother me.

set boundaries such as, "i have only twenty minutes to talk right now." no lies or explanations necessary.don't shut them out, but don't let them overwhelm you.

Currently I just deny them attention until they move on. Short, disinterested answers. Invisible on chat programs. "Busy". "I'll look into it." Politely acknowledge an emotional topic, then redirect the conversation.

Talking it out doesn't work in my experience. If I thought things could change by telling someone that they're asking something unreasonable, then I would. I can't save anyone from their sadness or listen to them complain for hours a day.

I prefer friendships where we handle our own problems and stop to help each other when we can. I put a lot into trying to help the people close to me or cheer them up, just not the ones who grab on and start making demands without once thinking of me.