Aversion to Touch? What Has Worked Best For You?

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I have learned that when I am stressed out, when my mother puts her hand on me, I some how calm down. She also rubs me. Sometimes I wonder if she does this to stop my repetitive body movements. I am not always aware of my body movements and I get very embarrassed when they are pointed out to me.

Other times I do not like being touched. I can get very angry if someone touches me and I am in the middle of something. I just throw the person off (not literally). Sometimes touch is painful.

I do not like to be hugged but however I am flexible when someone asks for one and I like to cuddle to keep warm and I love to be rubbed.


I shake hands but I don't like it. Sure if I am with a stranger and they touch me all of a sudden, I am fine with it. When someone I know touches me from behind, I don't mind. My mom told me I used to freak out when I get touched from behind but therapy fixed that. I was more defensive to touch as a child. Mom told me when I was little I come home from school and they hug me and I would be wriggling and squirming and they ask me what is the matter with me and I'd say I don't feel like getting hugged. For some reason they couldn't seem to understand that. I guess all kids like being hugged when they come home from school but not me. I just reacted to it. This was long before my AS diagnoses and before my mother knew I had sensory issues. As I said in some of my other posts in the pasts, she probably thought I was being a wuss so she get mad at me and start hitting me to get me to cooperate. It always worked though because being hit was more painful than what I was dealing with.

I often feel my personal space is being invaded so that I why I do not like touch. I do not understand the affection people need and too much of it for me is overwhelming. I feel my anxiety build up inside me when I put up with it. I just don't do it. Every now and then I let my husband hug me and kiss me.

I want to thank everyone for your very helpful input so far. Unfortunately, touch is many times associated with sexual touch, which I'm not at all talking about here.

One of the best suggestions I read came from Brian King, an Aspie at SpectrumMentor.com. He suggested the use of a rolling pin to give deep tissue massages. He says his wife gives those to him and they are very calming.

Have any of you ever tried that?

Deep touch is so much nicer than light touch in almost every way. Placing a hand firmly on me is nice, lightly running it over my skin makes me physically twitch.

Actively increasing deep touch has been good for me. Weighted blankets are great for someone like me, as are strong firm hugs from people I trust. If I'm stressing out be extra careful about light touch.

Random touch is unexpected, unexpected is bad. However random touch from my boyfriend is different than random touch from anyone else - he has permission, others don't. Others asking about hugs is good.

For me, light touch makes me feel like I need to be alert, deep touch makes me feel protected and like I'm able to relax. Lately the only time I've been able to feel like I can relax is when I have deep touch.

Noone, and I read all the posts again, not ONE person mentionned sexual touch. Where did you get THAT from??
Some said "intimate", and in the context of their post, did not mean sexual. A touch on the arm is intimate. You need to re-read while paying attention, if possible.

I'm not much for "intimate" types of touch (trying to be PG), and I find light touch (such as my boyfriend stroking my hand or upper arm) to be downright painful- maybe it's the repetition, but rubbing the same spot over and over HURTS after a couple times.

At the same time, I really enjoy heavy, non-motion based touch, IE, pressure. I love it when someone lies on top of me, and sleep with a heavy blanket.

For the most part, the only kind that I have to deal with every day would be if the beau was over, and he was trying to hold me when I was busy trying to do something or upset. My tolerance for sensory sensitivities goes even further south when I'm stressed, which makes sense.

EDIT: I mentioned sexual touch (as delicately as possible) because that's one of the many types. That he didn't ask about it specifically doesn't change that it's touch-based and therefore relevant.

Exactly. I've learned to anticipate when a handshake may be required and steel myself for it but my family and people I know, know not to touch me.

I forgot to mention this earlier, but as well as deep pressure being better than light pressure broad pressure (spread over a larger area) is better than fine pressure.

Even as a baby, I've not liked to cuddle or be touched. My mom says I would try to push her away as a child.
Just growing up, I hated people to touch me. I never wanted hugs or anything either. It also feels very uncomfortable to have someone I'm not familiar with, or close to, to touch me. Even then, I dislike them touching me without me knowing about it, or me initializing it.
One reason I avoid going to church is because people I barely know, especially the women, will walk up and give me this hug, touch my shoulder, my arm, and say "I'm so glad to see you." That always confuses me, because I don't know them, and so why would they be glad to see me?
It seems like, if we know we are in control, and not in some sort of danger, we are able to deal easier with the touches and brace ourselves for it. Sure, it'll still make us cringe on the inside and want to get away, but we can control our reactions a lot easier.
From what I've read: Do not touch us unexpected. Ask for our permission. If we say, "Do not touch me.", or "Go away." we mean it, and we do not want further consoling. =)

ediself, I'm sorry, I don't remember where I got that notion, and you're right, I may not have been paying attention at the time. It could have been due to an article I just wrote about appropriate ways to tell children about sex, which is a whole other topic altogether.

A firm overall deep touch is great. I love deep back scratches, they are so soothing, but they have to be deep enough to make my skin red.

I hate light whispy touches like someone brushing up against me, I agree with another poster it feels like creepy crawling bugs on skin.
I have certain parts on my body that are off limits even to loved ones. Firstly I am asexual because touch bothers me so much and sex in not a good topic for me as some here know. My legs, front core area, and of course sexual areas, are off limits. I hate to be rubbed back and forth....it makes me cringe and I get that bugs on skin feeling, so patting, deep masage, or deep scratching or bear hugs are allowed on my arms, shoulders or back. I do love my hair played with though...it is very soothing.

rolling pin??? I have to try that and report back to you.
I have heard weighted blankets are very therapedic and can even calm a meltdown in some people. I have a heavy croqued blanket that serves that purpose and it feels very calming.
Also being underwater is very soothing and tranquil feeling. I learned to swim underwater before swimming on top of water. The fluidity and weight of the water is super calming. I am never happier than when I am in the deep end of a pool swimming underwater, coming up just enough for air and back under again. I used to pretend to be a dolfin or a mermaid as a kid and we had a in ground pool at the house I grew up in. I miss that pool.

Jojo

Alright, now I feel bad....sorry for having been so harsh, I don't know what it is with being misunderstood that triggers so much irritation in me, but I should learn to be softer than this
I understand that the goal of your study is to find a remedy to touch sensitivity, and I don't know if that's at all possible. I noticed you were NT from your profile, and maybe what you need is to be able to relate to what it feels like, to understand how to desensitize someone to it, and if it can be done or not. I think the closest feeling I can find is a light electrical shock, but there's no telling if you and me feel those the same way, either.
Like, that static shock you get when you're wearing wool and touching your car? that can be likened to a sudden hug from behind. I feel I have to add to it the feeling of having warm jelly poured over your whole body, or something like that. A mix of electricity and light disgust. "ouch and ew".
I bet you can desensitize someone to the disgust feeling, slowly , but I don't know that you can get someone to get used to surprises.....
As for sensitivities to some light touches, like light fingernails on a forearm, it's probably doable. It's hard for me to picture how you would go about it, though, I just tried rubbing my own fingernail on my forearm, and there's no way to stop myself from rubbing it vigorously afterwards to get rid of the feeling. Because the feeling lingers, and crawls up my spine, and I start getting cold chills.....
As for texture sensitivities, there's nothing to do about those, I'm 90% certain. I don't say 100%, because I have in fact gotten , not used to, but able to block out the feeling of a wool sweater, which used to drive me insane as a kid. But my nervous system itself has not "matured" as some would define this, because cotton wool sends horror shivers down my spine, and picking up eggshells make my teeth on edge. My son can't keep the pages of his copybooks down as he writes, because he "feels" the sound of the finger on the paper. He hears mine too, though, so it might be a sound sensitivity, or acute empathy.
As far as desensitizing goes, i don't think you can go about it the same way people do with phobias. It's not being able to "look at a picture of a spider, then holding a spider for 10 seconds, then allowing it to crawl over your arm". I'd liken it more to "getting used to spiders by allowing them to bite you repeatedly", and I'm not sure it would work out

Dealing with the aversion to touch, for me, is about like most people dealing with dental work. When we must accept, we must accept. Otherwise, avoid at any cost!

Trying to keep this concise, I'll just say that I feel the same invaded and perhaps physically assaulted feeling when touched by anyone at an time, with the exception of my wife. She is very respectful of my autistic traits, and we work well together on those things. I think there might be a threshold of sorts, when it comes to intimate touching vs. casual touching (i.e. shoulder pats, etc.) . With casual touching, I just have to tolerate it in order to fit in to the NT world without being found rude or unfriendly. I can cope, but it's a lot of work to act as if the touching doesn't bother me. Regarding the threshold as I call it, with intimate touching, I guess it progresses to the point where other sensations take over from the invaded and bad sensations of the initial touch. I am sure I could explain it better, but I'd have to think about it in order to get it down accurately.

Charles

Leather jacket w/ electrified spikes. Very effective touch repulsion system. ( <- I make joke!)

I kind of like being touched or hugged, but only when I know it's coming. Touch is overwhelmingly intense, it blots out the other senses and derails my train of thought. I can be having a nice conversation, then someone puts a hand on my arm, and it's over. Can't remember a thing about what we were discussing.

Also, touch triggers memories for me almost as intense as smell does. Touch my arm and I remember every time my arm has ever been touched. Including the "bad" memories like being punched. I relive the physical sensation of all those moments in a flash. So, touch my arm and you just caused me to feel being punched about 100 times.

If someone gives me a heads up first, or better, asks permission ("would you like to share a hug?"), it's ok. I can ready my head for it and focus on the moment. I will still lose most of my train of thought, but it deadens the tactile memories being triggered. It's only the surprise touching that triggers me.

My main problems with touch are the "startle reflex" (unexpected touch can be unpleasant because it can cause a big shock/fright) and oversensitivity to touch, which can wax and wane at different times (if it's a bad day being touched, hugged, or in close contact with another can make me feel as though I'm suffocating).

To rectify these problems I have trained myself to be more of an initiator of touch in my friendships/relationships - to take the startle factor out of it, and retain more control. I also trained myself to hug tight, close, and short - which can have a numbing effect and thus remove much of the oversensory unpleasantness. Certain types of touch can be very pleasant for me - such as very light slow touching, or hair brushing, or gentle massage, and I inform friends/partners/family of this and encourage them to show their affection for me in ways that are pleasant to me - most people are more than happy to oblige. Over time, I also try to train myself to "harden up" (so to speak) and become more accustomed to, and prepared for, unexpected/overly close contact, and one of the best ways to do so is to practice becoming an initiator and develop a habitual numbness to the most socially common forms of physical contact.

I'm getting better at hugging and shaking hands, I didn't used to understand how to reciprocate a hug and if I thought i might be in a situation where one might occur then I would run in the opposite direction for sure. When I was younger I wouldn't let anyone near me at all and that's quite a hard way to live.