Have you ever tried to be extroverted and ended up depressed

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Sorry for the not very specific title, there was a character limit.

A couple of months ago I decided I was not enjoying life being introverted and effectively a loner, I had no friends, just one acquaintance. So I went to college with the objective of being as social as possible and in general just a 'nice' person.

The first couple of weeks people seemed to like me and I had made several acquaintances despite not knowing anybody(I went to a college where no one from my previous school went to)- which to me was very significant since this was greater than what I had made during 5 years of school- but on several occasions comments had been made about my general demeanour which all generally held the same sentiment that I came across as odd.

In the first couple of weeks despite being relatively social and receiving positive feedback in my pursuits I found my self very stressed and getting 2-4 hours sleep a night, and sometimes skipping sleep altogether.

As time further progressed I found my self having made one friend and more acquaintances, yet I just find my self alternating between highs and lows- it seems that being a loner provided a sense of security and stability that extroversion never has done for me.

Also, academically my grades have suffered, I've gone from getting 100% in the subjects I like to getting grades varying from a low A to Ds. That and I feel less articulate than I used to, less intelligent in general and almost as if an important part of my identity has gone. In general I just feel very slow and unaware, I think that I underestimated how much mental energy people used in being social etc.

I don't know. Is this normal for someone with Asperger's? Do you think I should go back to being a loner? I feel that I can't me moderately introverted and that I have to either be extroverted, bordering on plain irritating, or a very asocial introvert who occasionally comes across as misanthropic etc.

The past couple of months I've been in denial of my Asperger's and need for alone time, and I think the consequences are starting to become apparent, I don't know. Recently I've been feeling very depressed.

Thanks for any replies.

I like to be introverted except when it comes to a relationship and a few acquaintances.I want people to respect me thought.Even when i may go out with friends or acquaintances i sit alone i my own world smoking.But this forum ruined me because every depressed here is because of extroversion and it somehow brainwashed me.While i was a happy introvert person.Now i am depressed and maybe even suicidal even though i won;t commit.In fact some things may be of another topic but i am too tired to talk about it now.

So you feel extroversion has made you depressed too? Sorry, it's hard to tell from your post.

Same thing happens to me. When I try to be extroverted I become so stressed that I can't concentrate on my schoolwork or anything else. People don't understand when you're extroverted and suddenly become introverted.

It's good to have made a friend, though. You know you can do it.

You need to lighten up on yourself. Others' opinions of you don't matter as much as you think; as long as you have a good attitude towards others there will be some people who like you. You need to take care of yourself first.

Take some you-time every day just to get off by yourself. Turn the cell phone off and do your own thing, even if it's just vegetating.

Another thing: if you know and accept yourself for who you are, it will help you get along better with others.

It can be very exhausting putting on a front that isn't being your true self-it expends lots of precious energy especially if you are not used to doing it-you have to process everything you do and say and its not natural in some of us-I am the same way I tried to hide my moods and it is tiring to say the least.

I don't really know what's making me depressed since if anything I seem to care less about people opinion's of me than I did when I was introverted.

I think the main problem is that I feel I have to chose between the stability of introversion and prolonged solitary or the unpredictability of extroversion and the highs and lows etc. I know that the ideal would be hybrid of the two but I genuinely feel it has to be all or nothing :/.

I'm also only being social in college, outside of college I spend all my time in my room or outside walking by my self, so the only way I can get more alone time is by being less social during lessons, but I know that this would damage my relationships I've formed with people.

Thanks for the optimism, I'll try and continue being extroverted but it is a bit worrying regarding my grades and emotions.

I can relate to this post a lot, you've effectively articulated how I've been feeling the past couple of months. Even after constantly filtering everything I say there seems to be a tendency for people to verbally express that what I'd just said is odd, and it makes me wonder how often they keep these concerns to themselves.

I just don't know if it's worth it, whether I should resign to introversion or continue with this uphill battle with extroversion; to put it melodramatically so.

Sure have! Anytime when I try to behave in an extrovert way I end up hurt. It is just something I am really not even though it took me a long time to realize this. I always thought that one can choose how to behave and modify oneself with constant effort. However now I think this might not be the case. The main problem with extroversion is an enormous amount of information that comes with it and I cannot turn it off w/o depressing myself.. Hope I make sense I am too introverted to explain myself properly.

Generally I think that people like me when I try to socialize, I am aware of all those rules and try to be kind and nice etc, but not too much etc. But it drains me out and anxiety that comes along just drives me nuts. I feel constantly stressed. And then eventually depression appears for numerous reasons, mostly for feeling that connections made are inadequate. Idk, it's just too much to comphrehend.

All in all nowadays I enjoy being a loner even though I have no clue how to deal with loneliness. It is so incredibly peaceful and I can concentrate on my work in amazing ways. Hopefully I will find the middle ground one day (or it will find me..). I don't know how to start socializing again and I am not sure whether I should at all. But anyhow socializing is important in so many ways and I think that most people struggle to find that middle ground. But I am not advocating this sort of lifestyle - if you somehow manage to keep on track and it's not too bad+ there are no other major problems eventually it might pay off. That's how it is w/ college - first year is for socializing, people get bad grades etc, then second year they have already formed relationships and much less effort is required to mantain them. And in third year one is happy to have them as a pleasant distraction from stresful sprinting to final exams. And then you might be lucky to have found a friend or two for life, not to mention improved social skills which are so necessary and part of the expected college experience.

I can relate to that a lot. All the socializing I've done has almost split me in half creating various fake, contradicting personalities...If that makes sense Putting an enormous strain on my core understandings. Something like that.. Putting on an expected show raised a lot of questions to me, wondering why is it that I have to play by those ridiculous rules and not otherwise. Luckily once I left college I found myself in a much more introverted surroundings..

I think I know what you mean.. And we both know that we are wrong.

When in my early 20's I tried to put on the outgoing costume of extroversion, because I thought "introversion" was a defect. I heard: "Well, dear, you don't get out of it anything much" in a condescending tone. Or "you are are introverted" with an implying tone of inferiority, etc. You can get the impression there is something wrong. I really wasn't aware of my difference as being significant from my P.O.V.

I used to think if I just practiced I could be interested in small talk or bonding on a surface level .......... that it would re-program my 'bias' to do this in the place of solitaire activities.

Well it doesn't work. The fact is this is a 'personality' and is my entire essence from the beginning of time. Introversion is my natural state. It is not a choice.

I'm INTJ baby.

I'm not sure now if I am an introverted Aspie or extroverted Aspie. I am shy and unconfident and have 0 self-esteem and don't seem to know how to begin to like myself, but I like friends and somehow think that having friends and having a social life is important (not a tremendous social life, just enough to be able to say ''I am not a loner''). I'm not the type of Aspie who goes around believing that I should never be part of the social world.

But I must say, trying to be the confident person that I'm not has made me feel very depressed.

I spent a good chunk of my 20s trying quite successfully to be an extrovert. Sadly it was pretty much completely alcohol fuelled and ended badly with a divorce and a horrible depression. I still drink too much and must drink in order to be even remotely social. I think that extroversion cannot be forced or faked, if you aren't that way you just aren't that way.

I started out at college trying to be extroverted. It took all my energy. I hated it. But unfortunately I feel a strong desire to be like extroverted people, even though it's just not me. :/

Yeah. Totally get what you experienced--it'll drain all your resources and leave you running on empty. Ergo: It's a bad idea to try to be extroverted if you are naturally introverted.

Being an introvert is not pathological. It's a personality trait also found in about 25% of NTs.

Let yourself be an introvert. Find a small number of valuable friendships rather than trying to get to know everyone. Introverts often know themselves better than extroverts do, and have deeper relationships. There are benefits to either interaction style--learn the benefits of the one that's natural to you.

I know that often times the world tells us that we have to be social butterflies; but in truth, many people are simply not made to be that way, and won't be happy that way. Being a happy, confident introvert is a great deal more satisfying for many people, including me.

Extroversion makes me exhausted too...and usually with a hangover. Sometimes I talked so much the night before I really start regretting it. It's just not with alcohol too. My meds make me talk a lot too. I'm an opinionated person too and some of things I say make me wish I could keep my mouth shut. I'm impulsive too.

If you want to be extroverted you need to allow for some rest after. Get to know your limits. Most of the NT's I know who are naturally extroverted get caught up in peoples dramas and really just stressed out, and don't allow for time to wind down.

I lack the emotion, attention, energy regulation so I've really got to watch myself.

In my high school I too decided to be more friendly...not that im rude - just never made an effort!

Anyway a couple of years down the line I was stressed out, couldn't handle the responsibility of having friends, and was feeling generally down.

I actually left school and have become more familiar with who I am again if that makes sense?

Word.