Question for diagnosed Aspies: Do you care about fitting in?

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Sometimes so. Sometimes,not.

The older I get, the less of the former.

For a long time I didn't know about the concept of "fitting in." I think I picked up on the idea in my 20s, as I started to socialize more and would encounter pressure to think/behave in certain ways. That, for example, some of the people I knew seemed to be more interested in applying social pressure toward consensus and agreement than they were in whether what they agreed upon was accurate or correct.

I find that when someone applies this pressure to me, that if I listen to it, it makes it harder to function in that context because it is difficult for me to adopt a perspective that I don't believe is correct. The alternative, of course, is to argue against it. Arguing creates friction, as people tend to be committed to their perspective.

I am not saying I am always objectively correct, but rather what I perceive as correct, which can turn out to be wrong.

I am not opposed to fitting in. But if I don't fit in, it is often the case that I do not want to fit in.

I'm not sure this is precisely what the OP means.

All of your responses have been helpful, so thank you. Pretty much confirms my thought that there is a wide variety of attitudes about this in Aspies, just like you'd expect to see if you surveyed the general population.

To clarify what I mean by "fitting in":

Do you worry about other people judging you for being different? Do you make an effort to adjust your behavior so that other people don't have a negative opinion of you? Are you preoccupied about whether you are understood by others?

This last one is a particular source of anxiety for me. I didn't used to be like this. In my high school yearbook several people complimented me on "not caring what other people think," and I had no idea what they were talking about. I didn't know there was any reason to care. In college I started noticing people reacting negatively toward me and misunderstanding my words and actions. Then when I was 21 I studied abroad and was forced to be around the same group of people for four months and I REALLY felt like the odd woman out. I realized I didn't know how to carry on a conversation very well and would respond to people in ways that offended or confused them, when that was not my intention. These things have improved with great effort on my part.

I want to not care! It's exhausting. I did not/do not have much emotional support from my family. I internalize my anxiety and it makes life very uncomfortable -- particularly with regard to the workplace. I have an irrational fear of becoming poor and going insane. I just want to feel safe in life.

I've sought a diagnosis of Asperger's after reading these forums and reading papers/websites about it, particularly the characteristics of women with Asperger's, which I relate to very much. I've also related to the description and experiences of people with borderline personality disorder, and of adult children of narcissistic parents (my dad is one). So I'm really not sure what fits, though I am leaning toward Asperger's because unlike borderlines I am more or less incapable of manipulating others and the last thing I would ever seek is to do is have power/control over someone.