how did you find out about eye-contact?

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The psychologist who diagnosed me as having Asperger's in my late teens. I guess through public speaking/acting, or life, I had tried to copy what others did and look in their eyes, but I never realized it. She pointed out that my gaze seemed either too piercing or fleeting, to the point where she did not know if I understood the information she was communicating. I never realized it before, but when she asked, I said that I guess I never knew how to make eye contact properly. That was the first time I realized how important eye contact was to other people.

I honestly don't have a problem at looking people in the eyes, that can't even tell if I'm lying or not.

I just thought of this silly thing: What if you had to listen directly at people's ears every time you talked to them?

I read about it in a German version of the wikipedia article about autism.

Throughout childhood, I had been told/ordered to loudly and insistingly by one of my grandparents to "look at them/a person" or to "look them in the eyes" all the time (that's what it feels like, as if I was told every day or every other day).

But usually, I couldn't do it (couldn't move my eyes to where they wanted me to look) and when I managed, I look straight ahead (or to the ground because ground = very interesting structure) and couldn't comprehend why I was told to look at (or why my head was not-so-kindly moved to look t) the fabric of pants and when I had grown taller, at shirts and stuff before I turned away again?

Pants? Skin and hair of knees (in summer)? Sweaters? It didn't make sense to look at that.

(And when they said "up" or someone had the supreme idea to move my head up by my chin, there was... the ceiling or the sky. Huh. I wasn't drawn to faces.)

I couldn't "see" the eye-contact and I cannot recall a single memory until age 17 of ever having observed someone intentionally looking at another and looking another in the eye. I realise that eye-contact must have happened all around me but I was oblivious of it and I didn't follow their gazes with my eyes to see what they looked at..

I never really understood the whole "eye-contact" thing. I just did what my parents told me to do: make eye-contact, because if you don't, it's considered rude to people. I remember not always being able to look into people's eyes. Once I found out about AS, I began to realize that eye-contact can really make me uncomfortable depending on the person I'm communicating with, the level of anxiety I'm dealing with, and many other variables. I never really thought about it until I was around 17 or 18- I just listened and did what everyone else did.

I just had it hammered into me as a child, and I thought all people had problems with eye contact. I can make eye contact, but it just makes me feel incredibly awkward, I prefer to stare out of a window while talking to people. Sadly, teachers don't let me do this as I am not statemented, so I have to make eye contact with them or they might call me rude.

Someone noticed I wouldn't look at eyes when talking or being talked to, instead I would look off to the side or my eyes would flit around the room. This person said they had similar issues and gave me some sound advice, "try, otherwise people will think you are strange. If you are too uncomfortable, here is a cheat: stare at their mouths while they talk. 99 out of 100 people won't be able to tell the difference, it will be less uncomfortable for you and it will give you something to focus on so you can seem like you are paying attention when, in reality, you are bored to tears" It works. I stare at mouths. Sometimes I forget to do it and find my self absorbed in the lovely painting on the wall instead of what whoever is droning about...

I first realized it had significance for people when I was accused of lying since I didn't look into my teacher's eyes. He yelled at me until I did, and kept contact long enough. It was torture, especially since I wasn't lying. This happened repeatedly.

The school nurse also kept badgering me about keeping eye contact. This was the early nineties, so the only reason she could think of for my lack of it, was bad manners or lies.

This continued throughout primary school. I had adopted my current way of making an illusion of eye contact (by meeting people's eyes momentarily at a more or less set interval) over a decade before I even suspected I had AS.

Age 4(getting in trouble about somthing)

Mother "Why did you do that"
Me *looks down*
Mother "look at me"
Me *looks up*
Mother "I shouldn't have to..."
Me *looks down*
Mother "I need your eyes"

That went on for an hour......and happened every other day

Much later in life. I've never heard about it at home and I never realised I didnt make this, until: At 25, a lady said directly to my face, " My daughter is not getting in the car with someone that has shifty eyes."

At work, " I cant trust a guy that can't make eye contact."

Apple rolling close to tree: I've never heard about it from my immediate family because he doesnt do this himself.

I don't remember how I learned what was normal eye contact, but I always knew I didn't like to look at other people's eyes.

I've never been forced to do eye contact, probably because I've done the "looking in the general direction of their face" thing from an early age.

I wonder if this is why I feel like i have to actually be looking at someone when they are talking to me. I feel like I can't hear them if they aren't facing me and I know that if i can see their lips i can "hear" them better. . .I just never thought about why that might be. . .I actually had my hearing checked to be sure. . .but I typically do hear someone, even if they aren't facing me, but I always end up saying, "pardon?" because I'm still processing what they said. . .

Lack of extra visual input is what makes phone conversations so hard. I never thought, though, about not being able to see someone's lips because of it. Hmmm.

Yup, my experience as well.

Large amounts of being screamed at with a sprinkling of physical violence.

Interestingly enough the only time I make eye contact with people now is when I'm ready to rip their feckin head off, the instinctual lesson I had 'drummed into me' was that making eye contact was for extremely hostile situations involving violence.

My brother told me, "You have to start making eye contact with people." Easier said than done.