Replies from people who accept their autism, please.

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CockneyRebel
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04 Mar 2012, 3:12 pm

When I was on my coffee break at work just a few days ago, an autistic man at my job was asking me about my autism in a roundabout way such as, "Do you have any friends with autism at Stepping Stones who drive?" I said that I was sure that there were a couple people on the spectrum there who have their licence. Than he turned around and asked me, "Have you ever thought of fighting your autism and achieving the things that you wish to in life?" This man has more problems than I do and he had the nerve to ask me that question.

I felt very insulted when he asked me that question, because I took it as him implying that I was lower functioning than he was because of my biological gender that I don't go by on WP, any more. I told him that I embrace my autism, I accept it and I've been able to achieve all the things that I've wanted to in life. I told him that I like to celebrate all of my quirks and differences and autism happens to be one of them.

The first question is, has something like this ever happened to you?

The second question is, what should I tell him if he does that again or what should I do?

I feel that there's nothing for me to fight, except for ignorance.


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MrXxx
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04 Mar 2012, 3:30 pm

Nothing like that has ever happened to me, but that may only be because I haven't really known for sure for most of my life that I've had it.

All I can say is that it is what it is. With what I've learned about it over the past thirteen years, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to fight it. Fighting it, IMHO, would be just as pointless as refusing to accept the realities of society, which is what Autism has caused me to do for most of my life, mainly because I didn't know it was there, and didn't understand it. I've learned to accept society and all of its quirks. It only makes sense to me to accept myself as well, and deal with me as I am, not try to fight it. Fighting who I really am caused problems. Accepting who I am has solved most of those same problems.

Autism (high functioning Autism anyway), isn't best fought. It's best cooperated with. I have certain skills and strengths partly due to it. I just work with those now, instead of fighting the weaknesses it gives me. Focusing on the negative is almost always a pointless approach.

I don't even try to fight ignorance anymore. It's too much like a whack-a-mole game, and I get tired and bored with it. Not to mention that it distracts me from doing what I AM good at, which I think if more of us did, in the long run would do far more to eventually reduce ignorance than trying to stamp it out every time it rears its ugly head.

If MOST of us would just focus on what we're good at, and make whatever contributions we can to society, they would see better that we're not just a bunch of fuck-ups, and are in reality valuable people.


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glider18
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04 Mar 2012, 4:09 pm

I was diagnosed with AS when I was 44 back in 2008, so I am relatively new in learning of AS in my life. Before I was diagnosed I was relatively uneducated about the spectrum. So I read a lot and learned a lot from the WrongPlanet from people like you. I realized very early in my joining the WP that you and I were a lot alike in our philosophy of autism---by embracing it and being positive about it. We enjoy our interests, etc.

Now...looking at your questions. First, I haven't exactly had that question asked of me. But I did have someone with a low functioning child ask me once, "I want to know how you can get up in front of a group and speak and do the things you do with autism?" The person's tone made me think she resented me. I later learned that she was really seeking help for her autistic son. Upon reading the second part of your question, I really had to think how I would handle responding to such an uneducated person. Upon reading how you answered back to this worker I am thinking, I couldn't have said it better myself. Perhaps this person needs to know that autistic individuals are more than capable of contributing vast amounts of things to the world. Many people (scientists, writers, inventors, leaders, etc.) have been autistic that have made great contributions to the world. I believe that my autism (and yours) has not held us back at all, but has instead allowed us to do wonderful things not possible had we been born NT. I believe it takes both autistics and NTs to make the world work effectively---we work together. I believe your coworker needs to know that.


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hartzofspace
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04 Mar 2012, 4:30 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
The first question is, has something like this ever happened to you?

I've had people just plain not believe me, which is just as annoying and invalidating.

CockneyRebel wrote:
The second question is, what should I tell him if he does that again or what should I do?

Maybe you wouldn't want to say this, maybe you would. You could reply, "Have you ever considered fighting what you are, to please somebody else? If so, why?"

Or, say "You seem to think I am not happy being the way I am. Why is that?"

CockneyRebel wrote:
I feel that there's nothing for me to fight, except for ignorance.

In reality, we can't fight ignorance. We can only fight to keep our temper and sanity when people are being stupid! BTW, I think you are a cool person, CockneyRebel! :)


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Ann2011
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04 Mar 2012, 5:50 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Than he turned around and asked me, "Have you ever thought of fighting your autism and achieving the things that you wish to in life?"


I think it's more like embracing your autism and achieving the things that you wish to in life. Instead of fighting, you can spend the energy finding your strengths and improving them.



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04 Mar 2012, 5:54 pm

I tend to block out things people say, if I don't like what they say; Unless I can come up with an adequate reply, which doesn't happen to me very often anyway. I think I'd be offended, but I'd ignore him.


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Nim
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04 Mar 2012, 6:38 pm

Hai.

I actually told my psyc once that I felt fine with who I was and felt I could survive without meds, but I'd like to pursue my issues with depersonalization.

She kicked me out... :lol: I'm not quite so sure people can understand being happy if your not the same as them.



Last edited by Nim on 04 Mar 2012, 6:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CockneyRebel
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04 Mar 2012, 6:45 pm

I could keep changing the subject if he keeps asking.


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04 Mar 2012, 6:47 pm

Okay, I'm not sure what this is about actually (specifically, what the problem is) but what you answered him is the best thing you could have said. That you achieved all the things that you wanted to achieve so far. Sometimes, wishes we have go along fine with what our autism is like, that doesn't mean anything other than that people have different things they strive for in life even if they are autistic people.

As for me, I often get the opposite thing from people. That I really shouldn't try to achieve certain things in life and that I should decide on wanting something else from my present and future because autistic people can't do certain things/can't achieve certain goals because they're autistic. I guess that's somewhat similar to the question you were asked.

I can't even take such statements seriously for even a second. It's overgeneralising and limiting and shows that whoever said it only looked at things from his or her perspective and didn't bother to "think outside the box".

Now, that it's "unusual" or "difficult" to achieve certain things as an autistic person - that statement I'd be okay with. But outright claiming that some things are "impossible" without knowing me or knowing whoever someone said can't possibly do a certain something... that's plain silly.


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Jtuk
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04 Mar 2012, 6:57 pm

Perhaps he was simply trying to work out if he could do the same and wasn't intending it as an insult. You might be reading too much into a communications cock up.

Jason



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04 Mar 2012, 7:56 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
The first question is, has something like this ever happened to you?


No....I've had conversations with people who seem to be insisting that "trying harder to be normal will lead to success" (I insist that accepting yourself as you are and doing the best you can with what you have will lead to success), but those conversations weren't specifically about autism.

CockneyRebel wrote:
The second question is, what should I tell him if he does that again or what should I do?


Personally, I would give the question back to him--meaning I would say something like:

"I don't think I need to fight my autism to be successful in life. What about you? Do you feel you need to fight your autism to achieve the things that you wish to in life?"

I'd respond that way because it might get him to explain something about why he asked his question in the first place, and because I wonder if your co-worker was really thinking about himself when he asked his questions.... Specifically:

I wonder if maybe he's feeling negative about his own autism and/or feeling really hopeless about his life....?

And if maybe he's heard so many people talk about autism as a Very Bad Thing (and/or been treated so badly because of his autism-related differences and quirks) that he's adopted/developed the belief that Autistic=Miserable+Failure and "Normal"=Happy+Success.....?

If both of the above possibilities were true for your co-worker, he might assume that unhappiness and a negative view of autism were shared by most (or all) other autistic people...if so, I wonder if maybe he was looking for someone to relate to. He might have asked you those questions because he hoped that something you said would show him that he was not alone....Maybe he was looking for hope in your response (i.e. the knowledge that autistic people can succeed, and he is not doomed because he has autism), or for practical ideas/information about how he could succeed and be happy. (It's the kind of thing I would do...ask an ambiguous question like your co-worker did, because I'm interested in their opinion or looking for support/advice/understanding/different perspectives and can't think of any other way to start a conversation.)

If your co-worker was thinking about himself when he asked you about fighting your autism, then giving the question back to him gives him an opportunity to talk directly about whatever might be on his mind.

If he was/is judging you, giving his question back to him might be a way of implicitly drawing boundaries between what's his to care about and what's really none of his business (you'd be communicating an interest in what he has to say about himself, and completely ignoring whatever he might have to say about you ).


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04 Mar 2012, 8:04 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I could keep changing the subject if he keeps asking.


Yes! Change the subject to something about duck mating season or Angelina Jolie at the Oscars.

Asking if you fight your autism is like asking a person of color if they've tried bleaching their skin. How rude!


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MakaylaTheAspie
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04 Mar 2012, 9:08 pm

We all have our quirks. It's being able to live with them that's a challenge.

As for me, all the Aspies I've met in real life accept themselves for who they are. They don't even talk about "fighting" it. It's like trying to kill yourself.


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MrXxx
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04 Mar 2012, 9:20 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I could keep changing the subject if he keeps asking.


Or you could answer his questions with questions.

"Why would I want to fight it?" It's really a rhetorical question, but if he's smart enough, he ought to realize what your point is and drop it.

Oh wait. He's Autistic, isn't he?

Crap. That may not work then. Well, he may not drop it, but it may open the door to an intelligent conversation about why you don't want to, or feel any need to. Might even get him to think a little differently about himself and his own Autism.


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04 Mar 2012, 9:23 pm

I'd debate warning against fighting it too much, because that leads to burnout. Burnouts are no fun.