What are friendships like for other people?

Post Reply New Topic

My definition of friendship has progressed over the years. When I was elementary school, I didn't know what a friend really means, i.e., I can't tell which among my classmates are my friends and which are not. What I just know for certain is that I talk a lot with this person and I am more comfortable with him compared with others. I sort of needed some explicit (verbal) confirmation that I am his friend before I consider him a friend. Thus, I had few friends when I was very young.

Well, high school clarified my definition of friendship. Friends, for me, became people whom you want to spend time with, whom you can share a bit of information about you which you wouldn't share with other people, whose needs you care about, who also care the same about you. Since I spent about four years with the almost the same people in high school, I had time to make many friends in this phase of my life.

In college, my definition of friendship is still the same. But I made fewer friends because there are no permanent sections in college unlike in high school. I had tons of acquaintances though.

It is also worth noting that there are different degrees of friendship. There is no clear cut classification of friendship, as far as I know, but I can say that to one friend, I can tell almost all of my problems and passions. But for another friend, I can only speak about school stuff and keep my love life a secret. To some friends, I am utterly concern about how they are doing to the point of calling them. Sometimes I just simply miss them that I just call them for the sake of talking with them. For some other friends, we just enjoy doing stuff together but I don't call their phone afterwards. I also don't miss them too much, compared to other friends.

Personally, I don't consider someone my friend unless I have met him in person. I just consider people I meet in the internet as "online buddies." But for some people, they consider them their friends. I think that's also a definition of a friend; it's just that it doesn't work for me.

Yes, it happens in real life. Some people throw surprise birthday parties for a friend. Or they give random gifts. I have seen some myself. Depending on the preferences of friends, some may hug each other or help another in his homework. There are different and varied ways friends express affections for each other. For example, I talk a lot with my close friend for hours about random topics but I do not hug him. It is not that we are not close friends, we just have other ways of expressing our friendship. For another close friend, we also talk a lot and hug each other too.

I think the reason why some people don't answer your emails is because for some, it is easier to talk than to write or type. Also, in our school, when people open their mail, they are in the "work mode." I am not sure if that is the case in your place, but if people are in the "work mode," they are less likely to socialize. Why not try Facebook? You can use the messaging feature there. I think when people open their Facebook, they're game to socialize at that moment. Also, I think it is best that when you message someone to start a conversation, don't send them long messages. You can start with a short message about a topic both of you can relate, then as you chat along you can progress to other topics you want to discuss.

Hope this helps.

I've had situations that I know would've been awkward if I had to talk about emotions with someone. Sometimes, when somebody is in a situation that could be difficult (in the hospital, dealing with a breakup, etc.), the person involved could really appreciate something else so they don't have to focus on it for a while, something to remind them that things aren't all bad and life can be fun, like playing a board game or card game. It seems almost random, but in my experience most people really appreciate this kind of gesture... especially when everyone else around them is going on about the drama of it all. If the person wants to vent, they can still vent while you deal the cards or roll the dice. Even if their emotional talk would normally make you feel awkward, having a game to focus on could help you through it.

As to what my friendships are like... Well, I do not see my friends much. I know a lot more people online than in real life (I'm actually surprised by how many people I have on Facebook.) My primary communication with friends tends to be through Facebook, actually. I have never had anybody spontaneously come over, as I've seen happen for other people, and in television shows. Likewise, I don't think I've be welcome if I did that to others either... though I don't know for sure; I've never done it. If I'm seeing a friend, it usually requires planning weeks in advance. Yet, even then, I've found that these plans are very easily broken... by the other party.

However, I do not think any less of these friendships. I may not have seen or talked to somebody for months, but to me, they can still be a "close friend." When I do see them, we act in the same manner we would've had I just been over the day before. The time gap doesn't matter. At least, not to me...