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Reyzaburrel
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30 May 2012, 3:45 pm

I don't know why do doctors and teacher say when we can I mean that just bs saying that we can't right



pokerface
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30 May 2012, 3:52 pm

Reyzaburrel wrote:
I don't know why do doctors and teacher say when we can I mean that just bs saying that we can't right


People probably think that we don't have emotions and feelings because we find it so hard to express and show them to the outside world.

I think that people with autism are far more sensitive than NT's.
When we get overwhelmed by our emotions our system shuts down and the result of that is that we don't feel anything at all anymore. My theory is that it's just a protective mechanism that autmatically does it's job when we get overstimulated by emotions that are too intense for us to handle.



NTAndrew
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30 May 2012, 4:04 pm

There are also a few people who post on this forum who claim they don't have feelings/emotions.



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30 May 2012, 4:55 pm

That really drives me crazy. I've been treated like crap by people who don't seem to think I have feelings. I was treated like crap by somebody who doesn't think I have any feelings at work today. I had a good cry when I got home, but that woman probably feels no remorse at all. I don't get how some people can get that way towards us and still go to bed at night, thinking that it's okay.


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30 May 2012, 4:56 pm

I have strong feelings for family members and "friends" that I respect and trust, but they are in the few and I feel that I don't "love" my mom because she lies, never follows through, and has told me she doesn't like the person i've become. I do still feel strong depression though because of all this. Not being understood, for the most part. I'd call that having emotions. I have deep affection and gratitude for my partner, and I'm sure when I have my baby in 7 months I'll show emotion and love like I never have before. =) I guess it just depends on the individual, but I am one of those who is more sensitive and overly emotional.



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30 May 2012, 5:17 pm

I know a lot of people think I don't feel emotions because I lack the ability to be empathetic unless I've experienced the same thing and reacted the same way, I don't sugar coat things, or I think of the most logic solution when an NT would think of the most emotionally based one. Also I'm bad at recognizing and expressing my own emotions, I know happy and not happy, usually my head goes right to angry if I or someone else is not happy, and it takes a lot of effort to figure out the actual emotion. Probably the lack of being able to read non verbal or subtle cues or "reading between the lines" and missing that someone may be upset/ bored/ some other emotion may be part of it. It's not that we don't have emotion, we just understand things differently I think, and that includes emotions.



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30 May 2012, 5:24 pm

In times of tragedy you'd see people giving group hugs and crying and saying things like, "They're in heaven now." None of those grievers would be me. Sometimes a group of people would be standing around tearful or crying because a sick baby or pet has died. None of those grievers would be me. To some folks I guess I'd seem like a heartless bastard. Maybe some may even wonder if I'm grieving in my own silent way. I'm not. I suppose this lack of empathy is an aspie/autistic trait. Maybe I'm too logical to fall prey to those kind of emotions. I don't know. :shameonyou:



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30 May 2012, 6:25 pm

Reyzaburrel wrote:
I don't know why do doctors and teacher say when we can I mean that just bs saying that we can't right


People have trouble understanding or perceiving the feeling of people who are different from them, people with AS have to at least try, because they are different from most people and have to deal with them whether they like it or not.

NTs can afford to dismiss others because they can live their lives without any significant interaction with them since when they assume everyone is like them they are more likely to be at least partly right.

Ironically, the reason some people will think that you have no emotions is because they themselves lack the capacity to read the emotions of people who are different from them, and to avoid recognizing this deficiency they deny their failure to find emotions in other people by telling themselves that there are none to be found there.



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30 May 2012, 6:39 pm

I just hear the other day that someone I know died. I liked him. We went hunting together several times. I don't know any of the details as to what happned. I was surprised, but I don't really feel anything beyond that.

We weren't really close friends but for the most part, he was fun to be around.

I've only had 2 family members that have died. One of which I was there for. In both cases, we knew it was gonna happen before hand. My dad's mother had a stroke and died a few days later. I felt really alienated from my dads family for a couple reasons. They were obviously grieving and I wasn't. And they are VERY religous and I'm an atheist. All of them just kept saying 'she's in a better place'. It just made me feel like I was at a funeral for an entirely differttent family.

My mom's mother got worse over several months until she died. We knew it was gonna be that day so everyone was there. We were in the room when she was declared dead by the nurse. everyone started crying except for me. It wasn't until my mom csme to me and gave me a hug that i suddenly felt really sad abd started crying too. It wasn't because my grandma just died though. It was more seeing my family grieving that got to me. My mom's side of the family is not so big on funerals or wakes so we ordered several pizzas and told each other about their own memories about grandma.

I know it'd be different if it were a parent or sibling that died. I wouldn't be okay for a long time.


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friedmacguffins
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30 May 2012, 7:20 pm

To be fair, many of those socalled magic moments don't click with me, until well after the feeling has passed for other people.



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30 May 2012, 11:56 pm

I think those people who think we don't have feelings are blinded by their ability to see body language. Since most people are good at body language, they think that everyone expresses emotion that way. So if someone doesn't do it, they assume that the person doesn't have feelings.

I've only been directly told I have no feelings by my mom (two weeks ago), who I think is the worst person to hear it from. She should know by now that I don't express them well.



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31 May 2012, 12:20 am

Honestly, a lot of people's "feelings" and "emotions" seem fake anyway. They wear this "I really care" attitude, but in reality, it's a joke. At least we aren't lying to these people by pretending we care when we actually don't. I'd rather have barely any emotions and express myself to people than lie about how I feel. It's much more genuine that way.



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31 May 2012, 2:52 am

pokerface wrote:
When we get overwhelmed by our emotions our system shuts down and the result of that is that we don't feel anything at all anymore. My theory is that it's just a protective mechanism that autmatically does it's job when we get overstimulated by emotions that are too intense for us to handle.


Kinme wrote:
Honestly, a lot of people's "feelings" and "emotions" seem fake anyway. They wear this "I really care" attitude, but in reality, it's a joke. At least we aren't lying to these people by pretending we care when we actually don't. I'd rather have barely any emotions and express myself to people than lie about how I feel. It's much more genuine that way.


I relate to both sentiments. I live on a "hippie commune" and everything is hugs and smiles, including hostility and envy. People generally treat me like a vending machine, then wonder why I'm so shut down.


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31 May 2012, 3:28 am

Like many things in my life, my feelings/emotions are over sensitive. I have them, lots of them. So I have learned to hold them inside and not show them for fear of them all tumbling out and becoming overwhelming.

Yes, Aspies have emotions, often too many, so we don't show them.


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goodiesguy
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31 May 2012, 6:34 am

I was watching a thing on the news with these parents crying about their 2 year old triplets death, and the newsperson said something like 'You'd have to be a monster to not start feeling sad and like crying for these people'. I honestly did not give one f**k about them or what happened to them at all. I'm not a mean person, but If it's not happening to me, or someone I love, then I honestly don't feel anything.



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31 May 2012, 6:42 am

pokerface wrote:
Reyzaburrel wrote:
I don't know why do doctors and teacher say when we can I mean that just bs saying that we can't right


People probably think that we don't have emotions and feelings because we find it so hard to express and show them to the outside world.

I think that people with autism are far more sensitive than NT's.
When we get overwhelmed by our emotions our system shuts down and the result of that is that we don't feel anything at all anymore. My theory is that it's just a protective mechanism that autmatically does it's job when we get overstimulated by emotions that are too intense for us to handle.

This.