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Dizzee
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19 Jun 2012, 12:44 am

I think socialising isn't really a necessary feature to live. Humans are just too much connected to each other. I would probable live a better life in an empty island where I could make my own rules rather than here where you have to be a part of something to survive. We aspergers are self-dependant.



Sweetleaf
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19 Jun 2012, 12:50 am

Dizzee wrote:
I think socialising isn't really a necessary feature to live. Humans are just too much connected to each other. I would probable live a better life in an empty island where I could make my own rules rather than here where you have to be a part of something to survive. We aspergers are self-dependant.


I don't think I could deal with constant isolation 24/7, I'd go insane quicker than I am already.


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2wheels4ever
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19 Jun 2012, 12:59 am

Friends and acquaintances are part of my routine. With family I do get cranky because they're around all the time but if I come home to find the house to myself unexpectedly I get anxious until someone returns


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Delphiki
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19 Jun 2012, 1:03 am

I am not self dependent at all.


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Atomsk
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19 Jun 2012, 1:23 am

2wheels4ever wrote:
Friends and acquaintances are part of my routine. With family I do get cranky because they're around all the time but if I come home to find the house to myself unexpectedly I get anxious until someone returns


The same thing happens with me.

I also like having people around because of my music - just to play it for them or to play it with them. Playing solo is fun but I like having other musicians to play with, and my autism causes difficulties in playing with other musicians in many ways.



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19 Jun 2012, 1:41 am

Although I prefer to spend much of my time alone, I do get very lonely at times, so I actually do need to visit with friends and family occasionally.



FishStickNick
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19 Jun 2012, 1:45 am

Socializing isn't always easy for me, but I need human contact and other people in my life. I just...need my alone time too.



Dizzee
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19 Jun 2012, 1:55 am

Just as I said before NT's are just too much connected to each other, in a survival only enviroment you can easily survive alone.



outofplace
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19 Jun 2012, 2:01 am

Dizzee wrote:
Just as I said before NT's are just too much connected to each other, in a survival only enviroment you can easily survive alone.


Yes you can, but long term you will end up going batshit crazy and talking to a soccer ball you named "Wilson".


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Jasmine90
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19 Jun 2012, 2:12 am

I can do without contact with other people in social situations, since I feel like a completely different species. Close family is different, they're part of my "pack" and I don't think I could do so well without them. Personal space is essential for us to get along, though.

I live with my mother, that is enough daily human contact I need.



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19 Jun 2012, 2:39 am

Asperger's is not a "social thing". It's a fundamentally different cognitive and neurological structure. There are people with AS who socialize exactly as much as they want, are satisfied by the quality and amount of socialization they get, and are still very disabled. I would call that "having a disorder". I think that sometimes we unnecessarily entangle the idea of "this is a disorder" and "this causes distress".

The fact is that having a disability or a disorder (or whatever) does not have to be viewed as a bad thing. A lot of times, especially when they have no experience with disability, people automatically assume that the experience of having a disability must be universally negative, and that not having a disability is preferable in every way. But that's not actually true. People with disabilities have pretty much the same amount of satisfaction with their lives as people without disabilities do. Disability is a normal part of human existence. I view it as neutral rather than negative.

So you've got AS and you don't like to socialize much? Cool. When ability and desire match up like that, you're in luck. But just 'cause you're not going woe-is-me, my-life-is-horrible, doesn't mean you don't have a disability. Disability doesn't mean woe-is-me, my-life-is-horrible. It just means that your skills and society's expectations don't match up.

Dominant cultural reasoning:
If you have a disability, your life must be horrible.
My life is not horrible; therefore I cannot have a disability.

The trouble is that the first statement is incorrect; you need to change that premise. Disability doesn't mean your life must be horrible. (It also doesn't ban you from having talents, being competent and independent, being seen as an equal, or even being seen as non-disabled by the casual viewer.) If you consider the idea that disability may, in fact, not be a terrible tragedy at all, you start to realize that you don't have to reject the idea of disability in order to reject the idea that you're living a useless, tragic life.

Since you're obviously not living a useless, tragic life, naturally you have to resolve the contradiction somehow--it takes a bit of lateral thinking not to take your culture's idea of "disability is horrible" for granted. But once you don't, things start to make a lot more sense.


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Chris71
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19 Jun 2012, 3:02 am

Well said Callista; and written with a very balanced perspective, may I add.

Yes it is a disorder, like it or not. Generally not a good thing, but doesn't have to be a bad thing either ; depending on the individual.

For me personally, I cannot be alone for more than a few hours, but cannot do forced socialising (e.g. work-related events) for more than a few hours. I think this goes for many of us, we need the balance of some friends, some chatting time, and some time to ourselves. Just like most Neurotypicals I know actually.

Some Aspies seem to deal with the condition by focusing on the more positive qualities of their personalities and pointing out there's no need to live hopeless lives compare oneself with NTs ; and such threads follow a similar 'mood' of this thread, which is fine I guess. However what really annoys me are those postings we get each week where someone starts another Aspie 'superiority' thread which turns out to be NT-bashing "all NTs are the same" "all NTs are stupid" etc..



Dizzee
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19 Jun 2012, 3:11 am

Well then you can call me egoistic, I can't do something that I know I can't really be good at. You can try copying other people but you'll never be good at it as they are.



Valkyrie2012
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19 Jun 2012, 3:19 am

@ Callista - you just saved me a ton of typing! I couldn't have said it better.. Thank you :)



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19 Jun 2012, 4:03 am

Callista wrote:
Disability is a normal part of human existence. I view it as neutral rather than negative.


I have always felt the same way - I was diagnosed with HFA as a young child - I was too young to really grasp the whole concept of what it all meant - so to me it seemed like there was nothing wrong with having HFA; to me it didn't mean there was anything wrong with me, I was just someone who had HFA - I didn't grasp that it really made me different until much later. Even now I have very strong symptoms and very autistic behaviors, for an adult - but I was much worse as a child.

Even though I was -very- different from the other kids, I did not really realize that I was different from them. I am bad with theory of mind now and it was even worse then. I had lots of involuntary stims (lots of hand flapping and such), as well as compulsive movements which would literally stop me in my tracks walking, MANY MANY MANY times a day - I would stand on one foot and do these twitchy compulsive movements until I completed them in sets of 3 or 7, repeated until I did them properly enough - I remember many times, where, during elementary school, we would be walking in a line somewhere (something that happens MANY times per day in elementary schools where I live, and I imagine around the world), and I would start having to do these compulsive movements, and often the kids behind me would push me, making me have to completely restart the movements - they would also often yell at me and make fun of me and stuff, because of that. Even some of my teachers would do mean things because of it - I remember one who would -always- just skip completely over me when I'd go into compulsive stuff, when I raised my hand to answer a question or talk and she let me talk and I went into the compulsive stuff.

I did not realize until I was in late middle school/early high school, what having HFA really meant.

But my view on both Autism and on disabilities in general is that disabilities are neutral - neither positive nor negative.

My last girlfriend was blind, and she told me that both her and her mother found it surprising that I was not "weirded out" (her words) by her blindness. I viewed it as neutrally as I view autism, and I do the same for all disabilities.



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19 Jun 2012, 4:08 am

I think mild/high-functioning AS is a disorder or disability because it causes so much barriers and also you're expected to function in NT society because you can't claim disability/incapacity benefits or receive the help you want because you're too ''normal''. And to function in NT society, you need social skills. I am struggling with finding employment because I don't have the required social skills employers are expecting/looking for in applicants, and also my AS is so misunderstood that I am expected to be normal. Also I have normal self-awareness to the extent of NTs so that means I feel embarrassment and fear ridicule and dread rejection, which makes me more anxious which prevents me from going out and doing tasks in public, like attending doctors appointments on my own, going into the post office on my own, and so on.

So yeah, it does hold me back and have an affect on my life, causing so many barriers.


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