Talking too much or not enough

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Yeah I can relate to that.

The worst thing about being quite is because I feel that social pressure to say something, to talk about anything. But my mind goes in a spiral of trying to come up with something but then comes some anxiety and a fear that if I say something it will attract people's attention and they'll look directly at me and judge what I say, how I say or even just judge me as a person.

that was my mom's main complaint about me.

"Never been accused of talking too much , I usually say very little unless it's about a subject I know about and even then I try to be as succinct as possible"

some precious lil "people" told me "you're talking so much i can't hear myself think", or "you talk too much". some precious lil "people" told me "why are you so quiet?" and "she don't talk?" ("she" meant me).

and then they have the nerve to tell me "you sound/look like a girl/boy."

if you make it "succinct" then they act like you were curt. a former precious lil "friend" told me that her crush told her, that her crush saw me, at Trader Joe's, and i "blew him off."

okay.

wtf

so what if i did not want to drop everything, sit down, and have an entire conversation. not everyone feels it necessary to broadcast every thought and emotion going through his/her head.

big deal.

seriously though. sometimes though i would like to talk more. but precious lil "people" won't listen or hear. and then they don't understand. and they do not know that they do not understand, and they act like they understand. or the do not care. or they "care," but "care" means "to attend to" and "care" is not always positive. or they don't believe me. or they completely misconstrue what i was trying to say. including counselors. especially counselors. they make me wanna puke. they act like they know everything and they are morally superior. then they mishear things.

if you say something they like they say "cool". if you say something they do not like they say "why", as if they are putting up a facade that there is a good reason, but the reason you gave them ain't a good reason. then they half listen when you talk. and then they interrupt. at least one counselor did that. and then they grunt "huh" and "what" like "what" is the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me."

even counselors expect you to believe everything they say. even when what they say is completely ambiguous. vague. and subjective. just an opinion. and serves no functional purpose.

for example, the previous licensed clinical social worker had the nerve to interrupt me when i said a sentence that contained the word "dojo". and then she said "what?" when she interrupted me. instead she should've waited for me to finish talking. big deal. she was getting paid (and much more money than her services warranted. justified). to interact with me. so it's not like she was in a hurry to go anywhere anyways.

then she had the nerve to tell me that someone "stupid" can't make use of the community college. seriously what is that. that ain't the dictionary definition of "stupid".

and then she acted so innocent. like she was some angel. like she had never done anything wrong before.

I have been told I talk too much, by many people. I once had a boyfriend who later confessed that, initially, he was turned off by how much I rambled.

I think, as I grow older, I'm more aware that I talk an abnormal amount. There's also the issue that I use an abnormal amount of sarcasm and somehow turn everything into a joke. I'm not formally diagnosed yet, but I read an article the other day about "communicating with people with Autism," and it mentioned a couple parallels there.

I also feel pressure to talk, which is why I think I ramble... to fill any silent voids. I find myself feeling so overwhelmingly awkward when I'm with someone and everything is quiet. The last few years, I've been able to remind myself that quiet is fine and that people sit in silence with each other all the time... but it's weird to me and I'll usually end up rambling after a point.

^^^^hiya Psychh welcome to the club

"I also feel pressure to talk, which is why I think I ramble... to fill any silent voids."
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exactly. when you do not talk, they act like you are curt and aloof. someone had the nerve to tell me "why are you so quiet?".

when you talk, they act like you are a public nuisance. the barber asked how old i was. i answered. a different barber had the nerve to tell me "shut up." (what?) i only answered b/c someone asked. and then when someone asks a question and i do not immediately answer, they have the nerve to ask "huh?".

The first time I noticed this in myself was when I was in high school. The teacher asked the class to say one thing no one else knew about us. I never kept secrets so I had a hard time thinking of something to say. Then it occurred to me that I had never kept secrets because I would speak my every train of thought to my family at home.

So I said, "I actually talk a lot at home."
Someone asked, "then why do you not talk at school?"
I thought about social rules and said, "because you are supposed to be listening and learning in school, not socializing," which made my teacher happy.

But, in college, I tried to give myself permission to socialize more with my classmates. During an interpersonal skills class, which I thought would be an easy class (how ironic), the teacher asked the class to write something that we wanted to say to each classmate on the paper that was taped to their back. All of my classmates wrote, "you have such insightful ideas, you should speak up more." I thought I had been.

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31st of July, 2013
Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Auditory-Verbal Processing Speed Disorder, and Visual-Motor Processing Speed Disorder.

Weak Emerging Social Communicator (The Social Thinking-­Social Communication Profile by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke and Stephanie Madrigal)

"I am silently correcting your grammar."

I thought about social rules and said, "because you are supposed to be listening and learning in school, not socializing," which made my teacher happy.
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part of going to school is learning how to get along with others.

hence groupwork.

When at work I say almost nothing. I go through my day silently, hardly interacting with others at all and have become known as the silent (yet helpful and friendly) one in the office. My wife says when I get home it is sometimes like I have bottled up all these thoughts all day and need to let them out. She calls is verbal diarrhea and says others can't get a word in.

our politicians can speak for hours without actually saying anything.