Why did I crack?

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This is more of an analytical post, so I didn't know where to put, but I think here is the best place.
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As you know, this past June, I cracked over the pent-up frustration in my life (which I've gone over many times)........ and slit my wrists. I ask you, why would I, a normally very upbeat man, slit my wrists out of anger? I think this frustration building within me over the past 10+ years did it to me.

I think you nailed it. Everyone has a breaking point and aspies are no different. In fact, we probably have a lower threshold than other people do due to our unique neurological makeup. I have found myself crying for reasons that seemed silly when I looked back on them, yet my emotions got the better of me at that moment.

I guess the wrist-slitting did it for me...... I didn't faint, IIRC.

I feel like I am going to faint just thinking about it! Then again, I don't like the sight of blood and have almost passed out during a consultation with an oral surgeon because he mentioned knocking me out with an IV.

This was really unlike me. I actually wept as I did this..... and then I get a card from my 'brother', and it said, as I have posted before:

My next Q is....... how can I stop myself from cracking like this again?

It's an interesting question and hard to answer without knowing you and your situation in person. However, I will take a stab at it (no pun intended!). You have to limit your obligations and stimuli. This means not taking on a lot of projects and learning when and how to say no to other people. It's something I have had to learn to do in my own life and found that it helps.

Since I don't know enough about your life, I will give you some examples of how I have done it in my life. When I was going to college last time, I had a lot of problems in my life. The back porch roof on my house was collapsing from rot, my wisdom teeth needed to be pulled, and I had several cars in pieces all around my house. I was also working full time and not really making ends meet. Add to that having to do some fairly difficult classes and it was just too much for me to bear. What did I do? Well, I finished my semester with good grades and put everything else aside. I then quit school for the time being. After that, I worked every hour I could to try and save money. First I got the roof fixed. I then almost completely finished one car (it had no windows and was sitting outside and the interior had been stored inside the house, making a big mess.). I didn't totally complete it, but I got the body, windows and interior done and got it running and driving. After that, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. I also bought my Geo Metro which cut my fuel costs in half. I am now finishing the car I started before my teeth were taken care of and then doing a second one, both of which will be sold. This brings me back to a point where I can deal with school again this coming spring. Now, you'll note that when I did these things I did not attempt to multi-task. I did them one at a time and limited my stimuli to just the project I was on at the time. This helped me limit my stress level. It doesn't mean I didn't get overwhelmed at times, but it gave me a roadmap for dealing with things that I could use outside of my emotions. Eventually, my obligations lessened to a degree and life became more tolerable.

Sounds like you do what I do and let stuff build up until its too much and you can't take it anymore. I actually think I really did myself in this time starting to question wether my last bad 'panic attack' was a panic attack or a straight up mental breakdown. Because I was not doing so well before anyways but I haven't gone back to my previous not so great state I've been stuck in an even worse state sense.


The only real advice I have is to try and limit your stress like try to avoid situations that are going to set you off too much, or if you cannot do that maybe it would be a good idea to try and learn some coping techniques to deal with too much stress without resorting to self harm. That is all easier said than done, and I don't always succeed but thats the only way I can figure to deal with it. Or if its really bad maybe try to schedule and appointment with a doctor/psychologist whatever as they might be able to provide more professional help.

I find that many of my physical symptoms of anxiety decrease, when I allow myself to crack a little more often. I know that outbursts are not socially appropriate, so, rather than reaching out, am more inclined to isolate myself, to let my guard down. I am not saying this is necessarily safe or will work for you, but I find that I can be more emotional, when the situation is harmless or non threatening to me.

I coulda been sent to the hospital and died of blood loss, given what I did.....

Often writing a journal entry or poem will help me.

Of course, what results often isn't fit for publishing, but it helps to metaphorically "vomit" before I get to the point where I (for example) slit my wrists.

I used to cut myself...so yeah.

I think at some point when you have a condition like aspergers your life around you can make you feel like this,i have been there done it and wore the tea shirt about 4 times when i was younger with the frustation of not being able to understand why i was diffrent from others,and not being able to live a happy normal life like other people.
sometimes you just want to give up on life if you cant live a happy one,so understand you very well.

I know the feeling. Glad your okay but all these threads may have contributed to your poor emotional regulation?

Maybe posting less and more precisely starting less threads will alleviate your emotional problems?

It would sad if your ongoing barrage of negative threads affected others negatively, then you would have a karmic debt to pay...

I totally read this as "why I did crack". Was expecting a completely different OP.

I'm looking back on this now; and I have thought a bout getting some sort of pistol....... it's not what you think it's for, really. Slitting my wrists seemed like a bad thing for me to do, especially for someone who is VERY upbeat like myself........ what am I to do?!

Theres alot of talk on the whole subject of AS of not knowing your own danger signs for emotional states. I was at a particularly stressful interview thingy last week and by the time i had done for the day, (7hrs in total) i had a massive headache and felt a bit tired.

When i got home, my partner kept telling me i looked pi$$ed off - which was news to me, as i felt ok, but tired. ABout an hour later i stubbed my toe on the
door frame and exploded - nearly punched the door to bits actually.

Partner seemed a little shocked by such an extreme reaction - me too tbh - but its not the first time emotions have kinda snuck up on me and then leapt all over and smothered me in such an extreme context.

Trouble is, without outside influence, its hard to notice when your current cirucmstances are actually getting to you - i read its all about neurons in the brain not contacting properly etc - but thats all fine and dandy - what do you actually do?

I suppose realistically the best bet, is to take the time once a week to vent - wether you feel like it or not - me personally i do weights - and usually you know if you needed to do it or not, as if you can go for the whole 2 hours you know you had the excess aggression / emotional buildup to use.

Im not suggesting we should all work out however - but on a more amusing note, think how much more seriously NT's would take us, if we were not only more intelligent than alot of them, but BUILT and ripped too