Is having someone move into the family home a bad idea

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stephanie75
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06 Jan 2013, 10:50 pm

My brother is visiting from Austrailia in a few weeks time and he needs a place to stay. He would be staying for about 2 months but I am worried how the transition of having a near stranger move in might effect my autistic daughter. She's only met him twice but they were both a long time ago and she doesn't remember. I've never had anyone come and stay before so I don't know how she'll react. She isn't very good with changes or meeting new people.

So my main questions are
1) Should I let my brother stay or would it be too traumatizing for her
2) How do I help her deal with /prepare for this transition

thanks



IdahoRose
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06 Jan 2013, 11:07 pm

It's hard to say how she'll react because every autistic person is different. But if she has trouble transitioning into new situations and meeting new people, then chances are it's going to make her uncomfortable, particularly due to the fact that it's an unfamiliar male staying in the house. If I were your daughter, I wouldn't want to share my home with someone who is not part of my core family. When I'm around unfamiliar people, I feel like I can't relax, or be myself, or engage in my interests and stimming, because I feel an internal pressure to try to act as "normal" as possible. This has led to meltdowns. At least that's my own personal experience, being an autistic woman who has had to deal with different people living in the house throughout my life.

In order to prepare her, you need to let her know well in advance before your brother comes so she has time to mentally process it. You also need to tell her that when she starts feeling overwhelmed, she needs to go to a "safe place" (such as her room or other favorite place) to be alone and recharge. It's very important that you're emotionally available to her and to be reassuring to her when she needs you. It would also be a good idea to take her out of the house to her favorite stores once in a while, because no matter how nice your brother is, being around him will still be stressful and she will still need to get away from him and spend some alone time with you.

Hope this helps.



Chloe33
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07 Jan 2013, 11:50 am

Do you have the internet chat on your computer where you can see eachother through cameras in the computers? Sometimes the cameras aren't built in.
Maybe if your daughter sees your brother over the computer screen it might help familiarize her?
..just a thought.

Now i'm an adult who has her own home, lives with my partner and it's been brought up about her brother in law and 2 young sons needing a place to stay. Yet Another adult and 2 kids, i will likely veto the idea as i know i won't feel comfortable in my own home with all people about.
Also in the past when in laws were over it almost seems like they don't care or even notice how uncomfortable i am with their presence.
My Mother in law was literally sprawled on the couch in her underwear. Unbelievable! I had nowhere to run and hide. These are not normal NT in laws either, it's extremely hard to read them at all 99% of the time.

If there was some way you could adjust your daughter gradually to your brother staying there it might help. As long as she has her own area, room or "safe zone" that she can retreat to if she needs alone time.

During family holidays over others houses i literally pace.

Yet if you do have the Skype (i think it's called that) where you can chat your brother in a im with live video feed of him, your daughter could get to see him =)



chris5000
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07 Jan 2013, 12:02 pm

it could go good it could also go really bad.
have a plan b if things dont work out. make sure your brother knows about her issues. also you should inform her what is going to be happening a few weeks in advance



ASDMommyASDKid
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07 Jan 2013, 12:31 pm

Is there any other relative he could stay with? I think it would be very hard on her. I hate when people are over and do not leave. 2 months is a really long time.



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07 Jan 2013, 12:51 pm

I have a irritating cousin who calls up on weekends just because he wants to lounge at my place and enjoy freebies during
weekends
Initially i was ok when he came around first time but gradually he started coming every weekend
and started making demands like he wants to go for movie and wants to visit mall
and we had to end up paying from our pockets.
then he went to australia without informing me and i cut him off
he came back after 3 months and same scenario of calling me on weekends just when he needs free food
and place to lounge about
His behaviour is extremely disturbing and i dont think i want to contact him because he is just a
freebie

I dont know how your daughter will react to this uncle
but if your brother is a person who keeps to himself and doesnt disturb others
then it wont be problem
but if your brother as lots of demands like he wants to go out shopping all the time
and whats to eat exotic things and needs to watch TV all the time
maybe your daughter could get exhausted.


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