FOot In Mouth Syndrome

Post Reply New Topic

this is a thread about my foot in mouth syndrome or less, i find writing to be cathartic so im just writing
The class was talking about gender stereotypes and he asked the question why are girls the who ones who are chased in male female social relationships, and i said as an answer, "because good girls say no" there was this huge "whoa" sound in the classroom and i embarrassingly had to explain ok that is the answer to the question not what I personally think. I feel as though maybe i got away with no hard feelings but again i have this insecurity and im afraid as usual im going to be harping on it in my mind wasting my whole day. I usually believe its important not to forget because that is the way one learns. but this was one of those awkward didn't necessarily do anything wrong kind of situations at least that is what I think. really what I think was wrong with that answer is that it was too concise, to well said i dare say. this usually happens when everyone is really relaxed and friendly talking about things before class.
I usually can diffuse the situation by saying "that was awkward" but i didn't think fast enough. that is sort of my johnny Carson "bad joke" routine im just worried the teacher is going to ignore my hand when its raised or i'll get some polite e-mail from the professor, which only happened maybe once before.

I used to be terrible to the point of embarrassment but i have gotten better in part thanks to meds and because i am finally catching up learning social norms and all that. I can say i have no Mens Rea(latin for Guilty mind) i feel crappy when i do it because i feel just as dumb as some other people who do it in class and those people i really dislike the most because they say nothing useful and just kill time. I don't necessary have the wrong idea or answer its just it seems to come across differently to others then what is in my mind. I;m usually the student who always has the answer and wants to say it first not to be a teachers pet but because alot of the time there is a solid minute or even two when nobody has the answer i just want to kill the silence and get the subject rolling on forward.

FOR GOD"S SAKE PEOPLE DON"T LET THIS FORUM BECOME A SCREAMING MATCH ABOUT GENDER RELATIONS...JUST FOCUS ON THE FACT I SAID SOMETHING THAT CAME ACross DIFFERENTLY THAN WHAT WAS INTENDED.

Last edited by Mitrovah on 14 Feb 2013, 7:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

It's about building correct habits. For example, a good rule you can devise from your example is that you should not make negative or stereotypical comments about any ethnic or gendered group other than your own. If you had said something about your own gender (example: "because many men insist on it being this way") I doubt you would have had problems.

Make lots of mistakes and then generalize what not to do from those mistakes. And don't make the same mistakes twice.

it wasn't negative, in that sense as in im a sexist,racists whatever ... it was answering the question what is the perception of the gender stereotypes in society when it comes to female male relationships, in a sense i did answer the question, but i should have said the perception is.....good girls say no... as in men chase women for sex but women traditionally are Expected not to have sex and that is why there is the chasing, because if they didn't say no there wouldn't be any pursuit. the double standard. if anything that is what i did wrong. i didn't say it as something i think personally but it was answering the question as in what is it that other people think, not what I personally think. at least i think that was what the professor was asking. my idea was communicated in such a way that was misinterpreted. the professor sort of did save my ass by saying "well yeah that is the gender stereotype isnt it"
like i said my anwer was TOO concise, without elaboration and that is what put me in hot water. or perhaps i was expecting people to think about my answer.

I understand completely what your point was in the discussion and it is a valid one. An NT could have said those exact words and had it come across as it was intended, i.e. used their tone of voice and expression to communicate that THEY didn't feel that way, but felt that was what the cultural expectation was. I have no idea how they do that, but they do. So I wouldn't beat myself up too much about it. If anyone gives you any grief, just do a soft disclosure, and say that things you say have a tendency to come out wrong, and this is what you really meant. Chances are, you will remember it much longer than anyone else that was there. I STILL to this day remember an almost identical stupid thing I said in college, and I think just about everyone else probably has a similar moment.

I would say that was the most most misinterpreted thing i ever said, i never heard a "whoa" sound out of the whole room.

thanks although i don't come to this forum for validation or to feel better about myself by appealing to others. this answer does that and more. it gives a real empirical answer. and for me i already knew the answer but just writing about it helps immensely. im not a diarist because it isn't really communicating to anyone so it feels a bit pointless.