These are the worst days for me.

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The days where everything goes right. And then it ends. And everything stays the same.

There's nothing like having your day ruined by a smile. One minute, you're fine. You've resigned yourself to the life you're living. You're content. You appreciate what you have. And then a sly smile and a meaningful glance tear your world asunder.

You're no longer happy. You're no longer content. A few kind words and a gentle laugh stoke the flames that had died down, buried, asleep. And now the fire comes roaring back to life. And it's burning a hole in your soul, consuming your thoughts. A burning need that won't let you forget that your youth is fading, that your life is passing you by.

I can't return those smiles. Or that glance.

In that moment, I'm not there. I'm locked away. I can't be reached. It's like I'm watching, through someone else's eyes. And all I can do, is scream, and cry. All I want to do is reach out, take her face in my hands, and kiss her deeply. Love now. Live. Now. While I can. Before I die. But I just sit here. Watching the world go by.

It feels like I'm dead already.

I am going through the same stage. Every once in a while, which is happening now, I feel like giving up. It helps me to cry and look down on other people's misfortunes. One of my friends friend was stabbed a few days ago. I analyze this as a blessing to continue to breath.