Abusers denying abuse?

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ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY!! !

"Now see what you made me do? Go wash that blood off while I clean up this mess, and don't tell your mother!"

"If you weren't so stupid, no one would pick on you!"

"Stop crying or I'll really give you something to cry about this time!"

"You deserved to get beat up because you're such a wimp!"

Yeah ... I'm very familiar with receiving this type of treatment ... abusers always seem to find a way to blame their victims.

I'm sorry you went through that Fnord. It's awful. And anyone else who has been abused.

When I was brought up physical punishment was commonplace. Teachers were allowed to use the cane, slipper or ruler, the local dentist hit children who cried and the vicar who visited my school used to throw the board duster at children. Therefore I never really questioned being hit by my father over and over without understanding why. Years later, I understood the difference between abuse, being when the abuser loses their temper and hits out unreasonably, and physical punishment. Not that think physical punishment is OK but in my childhood it was not questioned.
However, many years later, I asked my mother why my father used to hit me like he did and her reply was the above. I realised that she would never understand it was wrong and I let the matter lie although it really upset me to be told that. When I realised that I had AS, I looked things differently. I thought I must have been such an annoying child, my father really disliked me and lost his temper. Yes, I know it wasn't my fault and if only he could have understood maybe he could have restrained himself.

Exactly. And they very very very rarely change.

Very true. Most abusers are not sociopaths. They are impulsive and can't control their anger, and then decide not to do anything about it the first time their anger hurts someone, and keep on deciding not to do anything about it until they terrorize their families. Or they are immature, and don't have the wisdom to be parents. Or they don't think far enough ahead, they want something for themselves and then end up depriving their families because they couldn't manage their income... common with alcohol/drug/gambling problems. Some parents just don't want to be parents, and instead of doing the rational thing and putting the kids up for adoption they try to pretend they aren't, neglecting their children physically and emotionally.

Emotional instability, addiction, etc. are not guarantees that a parent will become abusive. The critical factor is how they react to those things. Do they go, "I have a problem that could hurt my children; I am going to take steps to ensure it does not"? Or do they ignore it, pretend there is no problem, blame others, perhaps even blame the children? Some parents actually justify it to themselves by claiming that the children deserved it, that no one could be expected to treat such horrible children nicely. They believe it, truly, and the children may come to believe it too. No child grows up without doing some small thing wrong... blaming yourself is almost easier, because it implies that you have control over the situation when, usually, you don't.

I think they do, yes.

I think a poor/abuseive upbringing combinded with a very very minor mental issue(like bipolar or a personally disorder) with the denial of either or both can lead to a very abusive person. I can relate to the OP, I have met meny like this over the years and adding personal distance between you and them is usually the only way to fix the issue. A problem can't be fixed if the person can't admit to having it in the first place.

I think if they have the integrity to even ask that, then they won't get to the point of abuse in the first place, and admit when their reactions and treatment are going too far.

Sadly even aspies can be abusers too because of their condition. I have read horror stories about being raised by aspies and all their parents sounded abusive and neglectful. I wish positive ones would be posted too but lot of people don't post when something is positive because people post to mostly rant, not talk about how great their aspie parent was and everything. It seems to be taboo to talk about good experiences or else "you're bragging. No one will post "My aspie parent" and talk about what a great parent they were and the normal parenting things they did. Instead it will always be negative and they talk about what a crappy parent they were and how they emotionally abused them and neglected them and didn't care about them and their school and stuff and never showing up to their things.

But yet I don't like saying someone was an abuser because of their AS or it implies AS causes people to be child abusers and they are unable to be good parents.

it's normal among family members , to think like that.
i have that too with my brother who kicked the s**t out of me for years for no reason , even at the age of 20 iv'e still gotten a beating.
now he is doing like everything is fine , and stuff like that never happened.