The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence

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Interesting article: The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence <click>

Cheers that was a good read

My takeaways:

1. We don't teach enough ethics to go with the emotional intelligence. Hence lying, bullying, manipulation, etc.

2. AS people, with their inability to read others' emotions (particularly from body language), are better suited for jobs like programming, car repair, science and other "cerebral" ones.

My takeaways:

1. I wasted ten minutes of my life due to a lack of faith in Comp Geek's summation skills.

Emotional "intelligence" is sooo overrated. You hear neurotypicals talk about themselves like they are angels gracing earth. But there is immense evidence proving otherwise. Yeah way to waste all that "empathy" you guys have. They can barely get along with a human that's slightly different than them, let alone let them live (in peace).

The article only confused me. This "emotional intelligence" stuff strikes me as very two-faced.

When I can use" emotional intelligence when I give a homily on Sunday to my congregation, I'm not trying to manipulate them. I'm not trying to persuade them. I am just trying to be kind and good to them.

So why can't we speak of goodness and kindness and mutual respect rather than emotional intelligence? Why don't we speak of virtue rather than emotional intelligence? Manipulation is always evil. But showing love towards others and being a genuine person is always good.

Am I making any sense here?

Manipulation is an ingredient in all human, - and, for that matter, ape- transactions.

A child wants goodies in the supermarket and tries to negotiate, - and perhaps throw a fit, knowing that the parent eventually will give in.

A friend refuses to recieve a gift, which you know will be of good use for him/her, - out of pride or reluctance towards taking things from anybody. You invent a little story to make your friend feel better about recieving the gift.

Two teachers discuss a project, that should help a group of students, and both have their ideas of the best way.
On the way to agreement, they will present their ideas filtered to match the task as best it can, and in such a way, that their "opponent" can swallow it, - meaning, that some aspects, that will come up, are not mentioned in this particular phase of the negotiation.

That is all manipulation, but of a benign nature.

I suppose being a good role model is a kind of manipulation, too; or showing mercy; or trying to help someone. But there is more to us than manipulation, I hope. I do believe that people do good things not out of reward but for goodness' sake. Otherwise to hell with all of us.

I was just reading something similar the other day:

"Because of the essential irrationality of this power, even the best-intentioned of public speakers probably do more harm than good. When an orator, by the mere magic of words and a golden voice, persuades his audience of the rightness of a bad cause we are very properly shocked. We ought to feel the same dismay whenever we find the same irrelevant tricks being used to persuade people of the rightness of a good cause. The belief engendered may be desirable, but the grounds for it are intrinsically wrong, and those who use the devices of oratory for instilling even the right beliefs are guilty of pandering to the least creditable elements in human nature. By exercising their disastrous gift of gab, they deepen the quasi-hypnotic trance in which human beings live and from which it is the aim and purpose of all true philosophy, all genuinely spiritual religion to deliver them. Moreover, there cannot be effective oratory without over-simplification. But you cannot over-simplify without distorting the facts. Even when he is doing his best to tell the truth, the successful orator is ipso facto a liar. And most successful orators, it is hardly necessary to add, are not even trying to tell the truth; they are trying to evoke sympathy for their friends and antipathy for their opponents." (A. Huxley - the Devils of Loudun, 1952) *my bolding*




Regarding the article, keep in mind that nobody can actually "rob us of our capacities to reason" (unless they're using drugs or similar tactics), we are surrendering them ourselves. Even with the most charismatic of people, the ones who make you feel almost spellbound, you still have the choice of going home and actually think about their words (doesn't hurt to see how well they align with their actions either), analyse their position and message and put them in perspective instead of blindly adopting them on the spur of the moment. Critical thinking is of essence when forming opinions or adhering to a belief system, as basing your choice almost exclusively on feeling and perception can be absolutely disastrous for both yourself and those around you.