Small talk and beyond surface social interaction

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What types of social interaction are 'beyond surface' social interactions?

Also what classifies as small talk please (I know weather but what other things?).

Popular small-talk topics that I have noticed (other than weather):

Sports
Movies
TV Shows (The so-called reality shows like Bachelor, Who's Got Talent, etc. seem to be very popular topics.)

A common denominator I have noticed is that small-talk on the above items is mainly focused on current events. That is, talking about last night's episode of Bachelor is small-talk, but launching from there into a historical overview of Western culture mating rituals would count more as a special interest.

I know people who have deliberately cultivated an interest in a sport and team just so they can be more effective in social networking. Given how important social networking can be in one's professional life, I respect their dedication.

I'd want to talk about the historical overview myself...Unfortunately I do not watch reality TV shows.

There's also the matter of knowing when to let the other person speak, which HFA people tend to NOT do very well with.

Not usually a problem with me as I get brain freeze in social situations and either I can't think of anything to say or take too long to think up a response and so miss my moment.

The only time I might monologue is if talking about something I am fascinated by, then I can babble excitedly and forget to let people speak now and again (if I forget myself and too into what I am talking about). I certainly don't experience that with small talk though. I really don't like small talk, I don't really know any small talk except mentioning the weather.

Good job I don't have a fascination with meteorology. Back when I studied earth sciences and Geography I preferred the sections on volcanoes and rocks myself. Fossils can also be interesting.

Mostly though I am quiet socially, people actually complain at me for not talking enough.

They do tend to talk a lot about reality shows actually. My hairdresser is an example of that, she talked about celebrity big brother. I don't watch the program (although I have heard of it) and didn't know any of the celebrities in it. I mostly remember shows and celebrities from the 70's and 80s such as Knightrider with David Hasslehoff (the hoff) and The incredible hulk with ferrigno and bixby. Out of touch with today;s celebs except maybe sandra bullock, keanu reeves etc.

Now had they been interest in sharks I could have mentioned that there is a stuffed squatina squatina (angel shark) and tope at the Castle museum in Norwich and a live black tip reef shark and bonnethead (hammerhead species) at the Hunstanton Sea life center. I could have also mentioned the book I am reading at the moment which is still 'The Shark That Walks One Land' which is the epaulette shark. It mentions other sharks and marine life as well however such as the black scabbard fish, the greenland shark, velvet bellied lantern shark, cookie cutter shark, basking shark, sleeper shark, 6 gill shark, goblin shark and various jellyfish and mythical beings such as mermaids. Good book it is. I also have nearly 25 shark films now and several documentaries. I saw Sand sharks last night..silly movie about a prehistoric species of sand shark still living in the modern day but which has adapted to be able to swim in the sand. I am now trying to get hold of a copy of Ghost shark and Sharknado.

My other topic of interest is Palaeolithic nutrition and the paleo diet but not many people want to chat about that either. Some people don't know what the palaeolithic is. I used to have an interest in nutrition and mental health but that has moved over to paleo nutrition instead.

So I don't speak much socially.

my sister received good advice for small talk, assuming the other person is engaged in the conversation, just repeat the last two words/ important words with a questioning inflection. This will prompt them to talk more. This is similar to reorder and repeating what they said but more concise.

Eg.

x: hey you, how's it going?
you: not bad, How about you X?
X: can't complain, just got a promotion at work
You: You just got a promotion at work?
X: Yeah it was a long time coming but I worked hard and my boss came through? etc etc

Oh and I am also teaching myself piano from a couple of books right now (until I can afford lessons) and am into listening to and watching Evgeny Kissin play but no one has heard of him, well not out of the people I get to speak to. I did ask at the library if they had any of his CDs but they could not find any and the lady did not know who he was.

My baby (keyboard):



Excuse my wall I am preparing to decorate and it does need painting.

Most people I meet don't care about piano playing either.

I have tried topics such as parapsychology but people ask strange questions such as do I see auras. No I don't. I am interested in the scientific study of paranormal events (I like to find explanations for them even if it is mundane and earthly in nature) I don't 'see' things.

Other topics I could talk about include exercise techniques..I sometimes do yoga, swim and have just started weight lifting. I also knit and do cross stitching but spend more time doing those than talking about them unless people want to see my collections. I have a collection of nearly 100 cross stitching kits, a good range of DMC threads, various Aidas in a variety of colours, a good collection of cross stitch chart books (must have around 10 hard back books and some paperback all containing different themes and designs ie oriental, fairies etc) and 3 years worth of stitching magazines I won't throw away as they have charts in. I also tried my hand at tapestry for a while but am still getting used to working on canvas rather than aida (it is different). Plus i did counted cross stitch and the design for the tapestry is printed on the canvas instead, meaning you don't use a chart to do that. I'd like to try black work next.

Knitting I am still learning but am presently working on a purple scarf in basic knit stitch.

Other than that lot I am out of chitty chat. Unless people want to see or know more about my cross stitching collections (it was my main hobby for 6 years before I moved over to riding around on the bus and taking photographs of beautiful blue which I still like to do when I am not learning piano or listening to Evgeny).

I'd like to go horse riding again (had my own pony when I was growing up as my dad was an ex amateur national hunt jockey when he was young whereas mum was ex army) but I can't afford that right now so I don't presently indulge that interest.

Last edited by bumble on 20 Jan 2014, 11:28 am, edited 2 times in total.

Besides the aforementioned I notice that people where I live tend to talk about their families, especially their children. If they know any of my relatives they ask me how those people are doing. I think they expect me to ask about their families too but it just doesn't really occur to me to ask.

Small talk: Talking with the purpose of gauging the situation, making someone feel welcome, maintaining acquaintanceship or passing the time without much emotional or intellectual commitment.