sometimes i feel jealous/ left out in the aspergers category

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What are they at the moment?

I'm 52, my whole life feels like a struggle at times, but to tell you the truth I'm pretty happy (except in those moments when my brain causes me to forget to do something at work and I get embarrassed or I have a social problem or something like that). I have a special interest in physics, but I really am SOOOOOOOOOO slow at learning it, still very basic and probably always will be - but I still love it. I love learning. I hope you find a way to be happy, and don't forget to challenge yourself sometimes - that's the BEST feeling.

I think you are a really valued member here, that's a talent!

My IQ is a little above average. I did well in school, but had essentially no social skills. I am not a genius in anything, and while I do love computers, don't ask me to build one for you, to write a computer program, or do any fancy reppairs. Not unless you want a disaster on your hands.

I continue to have problems dealing with social situations and interacting with people, especially if they're strangers. I have few people I can call personal friends, and can tell my relationship with them isn't the same as what they have with others.

If not for a community of people I became a part of thru my family when still young, I know there'd likely be NOBODY in my life today.

I just don't have the skills to form decent relationships. (Not on my own, anyway.)

Once it looked like it was starting to be recognized I'm on the spectrum (which I'd suspected for years), I explained to one of those few friends I have about Autistics having problems with small talk, special interests, etc.

He began to protest "You do okay with small talk..." then thought for a second and continued "...but you always talk about the same few things."

"Uh huh," I replied.

He'd gotten the point.

I'm also frustrated with the limitations my "condition" (whatever it is...no true autism diagnosis yet) leaves me with, but as I said to someone here the other day, YOU HAVE TO KEEP TRYING.

Sure, I can't be out and about like others can, and I'll never be a social butterfly.

My brain lacks the mechanisms needed for that.

I can still try tho, and the last thing you do is give up.

I do far better now than when I was younger. HFA people are known to be able to grow and improve.

A friend tells me that when I was younger and he first met me, I had all the social skills of Mr. Spock on Star Trek, but admits I do better now. (He also has me represented on his cell phone by a photo of Spock...I gave it to him.)

Do your best with what you have to work with, and don't give up. If a blind person loses his cane, you might imagine he'll use his voice to ask for assistance, and even his hands to feel around. Use what you have, and keep finding new ways to use it to do and be more. I can't see how there's any upper limit. If HFA people can grow and improve, develope better coping mechanisms, take a step or two closer to NT, there doesn't have to be an end to that growth and improvement.

Just keep trying, and be happy with whatever small improvements you note. Can't note any right now? Keep trying, and be glad you're not backsliding.

You're alive, and that means in some way, you can grow and change.

As long as you're breathing, it's never the end.

Last edited by Sethno on 27 Jan 2014, 12:00 am, edited 2 times in total.

I don't think it's just asperger's. I have just good ol' run-of-the-mill autism, and it causes me a lot of problems. I am smart though, which allows me to get around things somewhat. I actually have what I like to call "spiked" autism, where I'm totally legit okay in some areas and really really bad in others.

Asperger's doesn't mean you're necessarily smart, although higher functioning autistics tend to have higher intelligence as a trend.

I don't wanna sound like I'm brushing you off but I think you'll find your niche, dude. You're 16. I had no idea what I would be good for as an adult when I was your age. I honestly believe that everyone has a special talent, and I'm sure you do too. An IQ only measures a specific kind of intelligence after all.

It's been said that Asperger's IS a form of HFA, the only difference being that Aspie's don't have language loss/developement problems. That seems to be the only difference, with everything else being, pardon the expression, a crap shoot.

As for your "spiked" autism, okay in some areas, really really bad in others, umm...

That's what lots of Autistics are like. Everyone has their pluses and minuses, strengths and weaknesses. The spectrum is, unfortunately, a free for all.

I agree with your advice for the OP. Someone who's 16 has no idea what they can grow to be, NT or on the spectrum. There can be good things coming if you don't close the door to them.

Ha! I must have been distracted in my original post. I thought I said something about those lines but after rereading my post I didn't... ouch

Well, as they say, you meet one, you met one. People say I'm more extreme than the "norm", whatever the heck that is >.<

But yeah. I have a buddy who's blind who feels the same way man. But you know what, he's an amazing guitarist and I think he will contribute to the world with his amazing music. He didn't know when he was your age. He was confused, if not even more confused than you are now. But I think he's learning what his purpose is. He is getting better every day (and he was amazing to begin with!). People feel uncomfrotable around him because like many autistic people he "stims" and has trouble showing his facial expressions in a way that is considered "normal" (if you ask me, I think me and him show off what's natural and not some society mask!). But he's so damn good that people turn their heads and say, "holy crap. He's amazing".

When you find that purpose (even if it really is just made up by you) your life will get better. When I found I was a programmer people still criticized me for being a derpy person, but then people also realized that I was good as a programmer. And that's how I got my job. I believe that if you work hard that everything will fall into place.

Do you have an obsession like many aspies/autistics? One of mine happened to be Pokemon, and a friend challenged me to make the game from scratch. And I did! And I learned a lot, and improved my programming even more! And, not only that, but I had the most important thing of all - SOMETHING TO SHOW PEOPLE. In all the interviews I may have been the most awkward and "derpy" but I was also the one who showed that I was a talented programmer and had a project that showed that I have dedication and have a purpose. And now I have a great job.

It's all about learning your strengths. With that, you can find what you're amazing at.

If you work hard the chance that things will fall in place improves. But it is far, far from guaranteed especially if your social skills are weak because many people like to work with people that they are comfortable with.

Not everybody is amazing at something. Most people are good at something and everybody likes something.

So find out what you are at least good at and that you like because if things don't work out at least your life is not 100% negative and you do improve your chances, so MAYBE things will fall in place, at least temporally. But if you do something for the specific reason of having things fall into place you will have nothing to fall back on if they don't

It's more like making things happen instead of things falling into place. Working hard on the things that you are good at and like is the right way to go.

Sometimes, I think of myself as the super zombie that can't be killed in horror movies, no matter how many hits it takes, and I find that this somehow helps me when I am struggling with something.

I must digress slightly but that's a very pessimistic way to look at things. It's true that not everyone is equally matched but if you challenge yourself to do better at what you enjoy you will get better at what you do. It's true that I am not the best at everything, but that's why I try harder. To me, "being the best" is not something that is obtainable. "Being amazing" is, and you can use that as a way to help improve yourself.

I mean, you can wallow in yourself and talk about how you are autistic and complain about the problems that you have. People make me feel incredibly nervous, I have very obvious stims, I have trouble communicating and understanding others effectively in speech, I have sensory issues and I have things that are difficult for me to do, such as driving in certain conditions. Thing is most of us can relate to that. But a defeatist personality is what will definitely defeat you, because at least if you try you have the potential to improve (and a lot actually).

Failure happens but if you don't try and believe in yourself then it's much more likely to happen. Things don't just "fall into place", you do have to work for a lot of things, and yes, you have to work a lot harder if you have a disability. You're talking to someone who has a friend who's blind who I've helped get him on his feet too. It's not impossible with most people. You just have to find out what works for you.

Yes, I got lucky with my position, but if I was just some lazy dopehead who did nothing with their life because I felt like I couldn't do it because of my own weaknesses, and I succumbed to those weaknesses, I would have nothing to offer them. Sure, I could write code on the board, but what good is that (and I wouldn't have been able to do that even if I gave up like I almost did in 2012). I found out what I enjoyed and yes, I got lucky to hear about the opportunity I have now, but if I just gave up and told myself I was good-for-nothing I wouldn't even have that. Opportunity does knock but you better be ready to answer.

Don't call it quits until the fat lady sings, man. I mean that. I almost did. But I pulled through. I tried my hardest and I feel like I climbed a mountain 5 times taller than Everest. You can't just give up.

Well guess what. I'll give you something to be jealous about. You are talking to an electrical engineering genius once child prodigy with an IQ of about 154. That said. I am willing to bet that somewhere in that jealous fantasy that your having about me your thinking. Wow! This guy must have a great career with good pay, Right? Wrong!! I happen to be living off wealth fare and unable to get a job because of the social handicap cause by my aspergers. How's that for bursting your jealous fantasy bubble. Let me tell you something, jealousy is envy, It's a sin that does nothing but breed discontent and in the end. You will mostly find yourself being jealous of something that isn't real or true.



You odda take a look at Steven Hawking. Greatest theoretical physicist of are time. Absolute genius and yet take a look at just how pathetic his psychical body is. The most he can do is barely wiggle a pencil in his mouth. This guy need 24 hour care and talks through a synthesizer.

I have similar story of being ready and able when opportunity knocked, or rather, when I sought it out, but it was like combo of things being just right for me to get and pursue the opportunity. I agree with what you and others said about never giving up. You can temporarily withdraw, but must not give up in long term.

My fascination is with roads. Always has been. I would collect maps and study for hours. I would draw entire highway systems. I was also interested in architecture. I work in a job now where I draw using AutoCAD. it's very loosely related to my interests, but at the same time my symptoms have pretty much ensured I have gone as high as I can get in my profession. I don't have a gift of gab, any sort of conversation is a chore (even small talk for more than a minute or two). So, I'm at a point where I need to look into something else, hopefully where I can somehow use the few skills I do have.

I have an above-average IQ, but yet struggled in school much of the time. I never got straight As, never even made the honor roll until 12th grade.

I don't have any special talents or a useful special interest either. Sometimes I also get jealous of people who do.

being limited isnt to do with whatever inteligence a person has,its their attitude and self esteem.
many people with high IQs have a negative attitude with a crap self esteem and think they cant do anything which puts up barriers.
people need to stop comparing themselves to others-as will always come off looking worse,theres always going to be people who can do certain things better or worse than self,its just life-we all have strengths and weaknesses better/worse than each other.
am LD [us=intelectualy disabled] and dont understand how people make out inteligence to be something which limits their success and how they feel.

am not someone who sees limitations by being LD, am a special olympics UK athlete, a paid member of staff for two different social services LD teams,a local autism and LD awareness campaigner,a advocate for people with profound LD...able to understand basic penetration testing,a computer geek who helps out many people,had also sucessfuly bred many rare breed chickens from egg in an incubator after being taught with pictorial easy read information for a year,sucessfuly deshelled/demembraned shrink wrapped chicks,and got paid fifty pounds for breeding some pet chickens for a woman.
we are what we make ourselves to be,our inteligence doesnt make us.

I might fit your stereotype (in IQ and special interest genre). However, I have not been particularly successful in career.

I am sorry you feel left out.

I do also sometimes feel like (some) people's expectations of me are not things I can ever reach. Just because I can do some things does not mean I have the whole cognitive package to properly succeed.