Something needs to give....

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**yes this is a double post from the media thread, because this needs to get out there**

No I'm not here to debate a cure by any means, but all the lurking I've done on these forums, I've come to the conclusion that an alarming amount of us seem to suffer a great deal. I for one, know I do a great amount.

I'm definitley not promoting any kind of cure and I don't wish to stir that pot either, but I feel something needs to be done whether it's therapy, medications, advocating, job place adjustments, societal adjustments....maybe a combination of all of these, I really do not know, but I feel something needs to be done.

I see too may people, young and old alike, talking about how suicide might be the most sensible means to end their pain. I can speak for myself here in saying that, I am truly burdened by my ASD, so much so that I think about checking out merely everyday.

There are cancer patients that live with dire pain everyday of their lives but still find pushing through it worth it to see another day, and the fact that some of us here suffer so much emotionally that they seem to think another day doesn't hold that same value.....It breaks my heart and all I want to see is this pain and suffering brought down to a manageable level.

Most of us here are completely verbal, hold average or even above average IQ's, but even with those assets in mind, many struggle to find fulfillment and happiness in life. Genevieve Edmonds, a well known advocate and author publishing books related to autism, had sadly decided to end her own life. I've done my research and there seems to be a trend among aspies and suicide that isn't being taken seriously enough.

What does will it take? How many more cries for help and posts of teen's and adults posting their plans to eventually die by their own hand, before we can finally do something about it.

Don't get me wrong, I am clueless as to what needs to be done but I'm consumed by the thought that something needs to be done and done quickly.

Any suggestions? What can we do as a community or better yet as a society to help people on the spectrum live more fulfilling lives? There's gotta be something or someone that can help....

Thank you for your concerns, Crazyfool. I have given a lot of thought to this issue myself and can maybe give a more detailed response tomorrow when it's the weekend and I have more free time. It seems much more difficult for many of us on the spectrum to maintain the necessary self esteem and mental willpower one needs to get through stuff, and that a good many of our members have a day to day struggle.

There's no simple solution. I have learned a great many things since joining WP and would like to help wherever possible, which is one of the goals I had even at the time I joined, along with the desire to get as much info as possible.

We have The Haven of course, but doesn't seem enough... actually maybe we could start a thread in which those battling with suicidal issues can be asked for their input as to how we can help them. Issues such as depression usually need a medical professional's involvement but sometimes one may just want the strong shoulder of a "peer" to lean on: someone who's been there and understands them. They may not have such a support system among family or friends so our online community need to form a bond with them.

I think it really doesn't help that the general public and a number of parents of autistics have major misconceptions about autism and autistics. How you'd inform them I'm not really sure but some sort of campaign thing by autistics would help. I watched a video from buzz feed (or similar) that was on Facebook about Muslims saying I am a Muslim but I am also .... And I've seen other about things about Islam. Maybe something like that would be an idea to educate the general public. People seem to like things like that. Something that is simple not overly complicated. Like lots assume aspergers means almost nt, rather than it being autism, they always assume that to be autistic you must be 'low functioning' even though all that technically means is a learning/intellectual disability is present. A lot also seem to think that once you're over 18 you are no longer autistic or you just cease to exist. Maybe another thread could be made to create some sentences explaining some things, that can be used as a post elsewhere as an awareness thing or some thing like that? Just an idea.

On the other things I'm not really sure, as I'm pretty happy. I'm often completely oblivious to some things which probably helps with my contentedness. That's not really much help to anyone else though. I think often people try too much to be like nts, which won't work because they're not nt. there needs to be a certain level of compromise, however nts need to start compromising a wee bit more rather than the other way around.

I think the problem is basically that autism directly impacts the ability to both give and receive social support. Everyone needs support in life. If you are disabled in some way you need more support than usual. And bad things can happen to anyone. But people with normal social ability usually know how to connect with people and find support when they need it. Autism directs limits that ability. And other people don't understand that limitation, so it's essentially invisible, and the invisibility of it only adds to the difficulty.

It's not just about having emotional support, it's all kinds of support, having job connections, people to help you pack your things to move, someone to give you a ride if your car breaks down, someone to help you if you get sick. Everyone needs help with practical things in life. If you are disabled, and/or depressed, those practical things alone can stack up fast and become really overwhelming. It makes it that much harder to deal with an emotional hit, like a death in the family, or losing a friendship. It all just keeps adding up. So it feels like there's nothing to look forward to, except more of the same, or worse.

For me personally the most crushing thing is that almost every connection I make with another human being ends up being really disappointing and hurtful, to the point that I'm just emotionally devastated and exhausted. If I had a great personal connection with someone, a partner, a close friend, a relative, I would feel different. I could find the strength to endure. But without it, all I can see is empty years stretching ahead of me.

A lot of things are missing in my life, and some of it could be helped with better support services or societal changes, but it still wouldn't give me that personal connection that I'm missing. I keep thinking there must be something fundamentally flawed or broken in me that makes other people unable to really love me. I don't know how many here can relate to what I'm saying, maybe some do and some don't. But I guess some probably feel the same way I do.

I can take care of myself pretty well but that doesn't change anything about the ways people can act as they learn more about how I think. As a result I'm not particularly swayed by sympathy any more, unless it's on the basis of common ground and experiences. Basically my whole social life lately has revolved around my work and I'm working even harder to change that. If NTs started picking up on this simple reasoning I'd have it made...

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Yeah, this sucks.

I mainly have issues with executive function problems (especially demand avoidance and inertia) and hypersensitivity. It seems these are pretty common problems among people with autism, but there is almost no support out there for these. In fact, organizations that provide support for or do research on autism seem to rarely even acknowledge that these problems exist. I could probably get behind the curebies if this was the stuff they were trying to cure.

Society has trouble wrapping its collective brain around depression and suicide in general. The fact that autistic people are stereotyped as lacking emotion and being super-rational doesn't help. Also, the fact that autism is stereotyped as a problem only children have, combined with the fact that children are stereotyped as being immune to depressive disorders or suicide....

I feel highly vulnerable due to my isolation and inability to make friendships outside my family. This is enough to make me very depressed when I think about what might happen in the years to come. It wouldn't be so bad if I felt I could be self-sufficent or reliant but I have a lot of trouble with basic day to day tasks like cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing clothes etc. I feel like looking after myself will be a full-time job in itself without all the added stresses of work. In my situation I don't think it is unreasonable for me to be depressed and anxious about the future. My biggest worries are homelessness and hopelessness.

I see similar issues everyday on the forum. Our social difficulties are a huge and invisible disability. I think NTs find it very hard to understand how debilitating it is to feel dependent on a few people for support when you have such difficulties forming new relationships.