Aspergers and victim complex

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Well, if this was just a miscommunication and you truly didn't mean how you seemed to be wording things, then you don't have to pay attention to half of what I said.

I, too, can have trouble wording what I actually mean. I don't think I did here, but one of the reasons this started to upset me so much is because NTs told me the same exact things that are being advocated here. I just see far too many grey areas to really put full blame on one person or another most of the time.

Being told that you can do something but you just have the "I can't" attitude can lead to more frustration. Pretty much you try, but you fail, and then you blame yourself because you figure well, people tell you that you CAN do it, but here you can't. So, the problem must be YOU. In that, you can regress into depression.

If this helps anyone: How I helped myself was learning to accept my emotions and thoughts. They are mine, and they are not bad. If I feel like complaining, I can. I let myself have "pity parties" and I don't feel guilty that I'm "wallowing" in depression like others have told me. It has resulted in drastic improvement of my life. I pretty much made a deal with my mind to accept me exactly as I am.

I've learned a few things from this thread.
But please know that I never actually dismiss someone's problem as "Not a problem".

Err.. I've never heard of them. That must have been someone else.

Intentions do matter, hale_bopp. Sometimes, even though our intention is to be good, how we word things is different from our intentions. That's why how people word things can often be the difference between being supportive or being, well, nasty. And I won't lie, I've done this, too. I have to be consciously aware of how I word things at all times, especially because I'm sensitive myself and I hate it when people word things in a way which upsets me. Some might consider that walking on eggshells. I say it's because I've had a bad life and I just want people to say supportive words to me.

Sometimes, in our heads, we picture saying this response that is well thought out. In reality, it may be well thought out, but the way in which it is phrased really changes the meaning. That may or may not be what's going on here. All I know is that people have dismissed me all my life, and part of being "empowered" and taking my life back is stopping people and saying, "NO! My feelings, thoughts, and experiences ARE valid, and so is this persons!" By stopping the same type of language used by people that have abused me, hurt me, and broke me, people begin to learn that what they say really DOES matter.

Also, sometimes certain word usage is so common and taboo to criticize that people don't even fathom it could hurt people. After all, if it's so common, people think it couldn't do that. Example: It's kind of like saying sexist stuff "accidentally". You pretty much just repeat things you've heard your whole life without really deconstructing it and figuring out it really is sexist. Therefor, you might argue that it's not sexist unless you take a critical view of it yourself.

LOL...you learn something new every day.

I've never heard the term "gaslighting" before today.

That's a terrible thing to do: create false memory, or deny true memories.

Also, sorry if I myself have offended anyone. I don't THINK I did, but sometimes when I feel hurt, well, I get a little nasty. This may be TMI, but it's also about to be "that time of the month", and I think I get into a warrior-mode when that happens.

Thanks. Bleh. This whole situation has me in a spin. My new "counselor" is young, not highly educated or experienced - very green, into forms and simplistic tests. Just one horrible example is that she decided I had agoraphobia - I had to show her pictures of how I grew up on the range and vast open spaces, vacation in that and love it! I was a a pilot, mountain climber, black-slope siker, big game hunter and fisher! I'm an agoraphile! So, talk about getting it wrong and deferring to "family" is really unreal. I need to get out of this. I am invalidated and feel unsafe/not listened to. But want to "leave my record", true grit and all.

Yes, there is the family/group projection problem you experienced. Sorry. Borderlines are very difficult. Mine were meglomaniacs/malignant narcissists and psychopaths. The results/effects of such can be the same. I went into intensive research on all this alone, no other help. One thing I can and would like to share with you all, if you've gone through such or feel vulnerable, is: www.aftermath-survivingpsychopathy.org . More info can be found at www.ponerology.blogspot.com (ponerology is the science of the study of evil) - I'd read "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout, PhD in '09 when this crap was billowing upon me again. Clinically, at least 25% of the population has such anti-social personality disorders and it is written that such do seek marks/targets among others for their own gain. "Crazy making" is one of the techniques used. So, your insights/comments helped.

Self protection needs to be learned and developed. Aspies can be too trusting. Too late I tuned into such ASPD types. I see the clues now better and I need to listen to my "gut" when I feel I'm in sick situations. Appreciate the input, hang in there.