Aspergers and victim complex

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deleted cause it was mean.

Thanks, Bleh. So you've seen it and lived it too. Like the book "A Grief Observed" one can't "know" til one's been through it. "The Sociopath Next Door" is hard to comprehend.

Re narcissists, I've observed a number of types. The super dangerous are the "malignant narcissists" - con artists, manipulators. One can't see til one's caught in that spider web of theirs. It's hard to comprehend such calculated wickedness, mostly it seems a control/dominance issue. There are clues re how they speak, look, ask questions, treat others and get caught in lies.

I actually didn't want any "counseling" right now. I need to move because of expenses and to a new, if low, job elsewhere. Only thus did I ask, in dire straights, for family "help" to move - months ago after years of silent poverty - they are wealthy. Suddenly, helping for moving expenses got changed into 1st I need not only "counseling" (family sought to have me institutionalized for 6-12 months, I didn't "qualify") but all these prior conditions for me because "they care" about me suddenly - haven't even exchanged an X-Mas card w/them in a decade! It's all very weird but the "counseling" group is sucking up the "family" program.

Yes, it helped that I investigated and read as much as possible about such situations. Still, when one is alone and has no sounding board on it all, the perspective is difficult to grasp, or believe even if, maybe especially if, one is in it. I've been in an echo chamber on it all. You're spot on on the need to "escape" because such people know no boundaries once they're on you. Every aspect of life will be intruded upon, examined and critisicised., twisted and used.

Sadly, I've experienced some such before with certain boyfriends & a room mate who said they "picked me". That's a clue. So is the sudden come on, gifts, incessant friendliness and their "stories" (usually banal but engaging). Once you're locked into a position w/them, then the screw turns. You can do favors to hell and back for them but they will still say "you owe me" - another major clue. On wiki long ago there was info about psychological manipulation, some good advice. Am not so sure I'm so naive as am good hearted and can't fathom the wicked usury of others. I don't think that way and we aren't taught this.

Am not sure how many Aspies have gone through such, but I do feel the AS group is vulnerable. From a distance, psychopaths can spot a target. Once in college, among a group of some 10 other girls, I was "selected" by a pornographic photographer. Fortunately, I ran. Still, why was I picked? I was lovely, but quiet and seemingly shy. I look back on all of this now, plus readings to make sense. I hope no one else gets hurt as I've been. Much is avoidable. Best.

Yes people whine, use excuses, and say "poor poor me" when they have the ability to "bootstrap" their way out of their troubles or at least be in a better situation. And some of the greater then 80,000 members at Wrong Planet fit that description. That is stating the obvious.

The words "victim complex" as well similar type of expressions are said by bullies to purposely invalidate peoples real problems. It is also used by the ignorant who while trying to help people unintentionally invalidate peoples real problems. That is probably also obvious.

What might not have been obvious to Hale_Bopp the OP is that many if not a large majority of members have had these type words thrown at them intentionally or out or ignorance repeatedly causing all sorts of pain and mental damage. Because of this creating a thread around the words "victim complex" thus became a strong trigger.

People assumed Hale was yet another bully trying to invalidate them. I don't believe that was her intent. Hale is an aspie and thus is likely to have deficits in understanding the motives and feelings of her fellow WP members. In other words Hale did what most of us have done more times then we care to remember.

It does indeed upset me because these key words have been used in my past by my abusers. My whole reason for replying was in hopes that hale_bopp would understand that even though her intentions may be good, the wording did not necessarily reflect that. It's true she did say she learned a few things and that she probably worded things poorly. I hope that if she did learn something, it's positive and not negative.

The thing that bothers me is that people have so much energy to complain about random people on the internet not acting on your advice. I could understand if you were talking about people you personally know, but people on the internet? You can't possibly know them well enough to know exactly what they need to do. If people whining on the internet makes you uncomfortable, just avoid those threads. It's not like these people are actually in your life. If they were people literally coming to you to complain in real life, your frustration of having to listen to them all the time would be understandable. Complaining about people whining on the internet comes across as very high-and-mighty, i.e. its being highly opinionated about the lives of people you don't really know or care about just for the hell of it. There's a high likelihood the people you criticize for "whining" will be way more hurt by your insensitive words than you are "annoyed" by voluntarily reading their posts. That's the injustice of it. That's the part people who do this don't seem to get. If your life is so easy that you have the energy to be massively upset over people not listening to your advice over the internet, count your blessings. Go live by your own advice and quit your bitching. Don't want people on the internet bringing you down? Don't read their damn posts.