Some of your experiences on meltdowns. Advice, please :)

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I've been going through meltdowns a lot lately, myself. There is this major life change occurring right now, and even though it's a good life change, all the little bits and pieces leading up to it are sending me into overdrive. I noticed that sometimes female and male aspies can be different, so maybe it helps to know what helps me since I am female as your GF is.

Usually I feel, during a meltdown, like I am electric. It feels like a buzzing. And my immediate thought is that I have to leave, and be alone, as soon as possible. In most circumstances, as an adult, this is just not possible. So it escalates until I'm starting to swear, get short with people, and start shutting down. I want nothing to do with anyone or anything. I feel like I'm about to start shaking, I can ball my hands into fists. I try to close my eyes and cover my ears but it's already too late now. At this point one further stimulation in the environment can send me into screaming and crying.

During meltdowns I tend to sob helplessly like a child. I even do that hyperventilation thing. It feels like my throat is closing in on itself. I don't know what the name of the emotion is. It's like the color white. Everything at once, trapped inside, bursting and too bright. I have an urge to hurt myself. I don't want to hurt others. I want to feel it in myself. Punching a pillow does nothing. I'm not exactly angry. I'm just 'done'.

After I eventually wear myself out I fall into a state of temporary depression. It's a pretty severe sensation of depression, but it only lasts for an hour to a few hours. At worst it can last two or three days, in my case. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, but I wouldn't suggest leaving me alone with a loaded gun, either.

The way that has helped me get out of this is by a 'safe person' - someone who understands and accepts me, to distract me with something I am currently interested in or, better yet, obsessed with. Today I was rescued by my boyfriend getting me talking about the new video games I just purchased. This seems trivial, but this distraction really helps almost every time for me. I think it's not just the distraction alone. It's being with someone who is still saying, "I love you, I still care about you even though you were just sobbing like a child for two hours, and let's talk about something you really like that reminds you of possible fun scenarios in the future."

So if this helps you in any way, I'd be glad.

Everyone I'd think has their own ideas of what they want/need during a "meltdown" - for me personally, I want to be left alone in every form. I don't want to be touched, talked to, or really acknowledged in any way shape or form until it's over and done with. Then, said person is more than welcome to comfort me.

Indeed giving space is the only thing that I can do.

What is most difficult is that along with the emotional confusion she goes through, she has the theory of mind thing. But she goes through that to a large extreme. She virtually cannot see things from other people's perspectives, even if it is made glaringly obvious to her. And the problem is that she also gets angry and upset if she is told or shown that how she saw things was wrong. That in itself can trigger anger and anxiety in her which makes her prone to a meltdown. She then cuts off for however long she feels she needs to.

She even finds it difficult to comprehend that I have different feelings to hers sometimes. And she projects pretty much everything she feels onto situations that we have had. It was very confusing when I didn't know what was going on. I actually thought she had something like Narcissistic Personality Disorder with how her anger came about when she refused to compromise with some things.

So, with emotional confusion she goes through each day and the mindblindedness, I'm realizing that I love her to bits and I'll be patient and there for her, but it is up to her to listen and try to understand that other people have opinions and ideas of things as well.