Profiling

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Has anyone ever informally “profiled” you, without your awareness of what they were doing?

Before my marriage ended a member of my In-law family started asking me very specific questions intermittently over a period of maybe six months, one question at a time. This person is classed as gifted, works in HR, very social and an all round successful type of guy.
It became clear to me when I started reading for myself about neuro-developmental differences, taking quizzes and posting on this site, that he had been assessing my tendencies over this time frame. I answered the questions honestly in each instance, thinking nothing of it, but with hindsight it made me feel a bit, violated.

The theme of the questions for context: sensory sensitivities, my focus, my view on social relationships, noticing patterns, my childhood/school experiences, why I react to change, work ethos, do I think in pictures/words, my memory etc.

LOL....he/she should pay YOU for allowing him to be your therapist!

This reminds me, in some small way, of people who ask me if I'm "all right." I'm a pretty mild-mannered guy--but I get absolutely FURIOUS if some one asks me if I'm "all right."

Usually, I just answer the question truthfully--but, at other times, I might counter with: "are YOU all right?"

I'm also thinking of something rather cynical: Perhaps this person was trying to get "material" to use against you in case there's some sort of court situation.

This thought had occurred to me, it was a terribly confusing time in my life and my regular ability to cope was non existent. The proceedings are uncontested, so thankfully I will not know if that was the purpose of his line of questioning. It certainly wasn't to develop a friendship with me.

Brilliant! I also have that question, and feel I need to wear a constant smile to avoid it. But, when I'm annoyed, or if I swear when accidentally hurting myself somehow, then I get ignored.

Maybe, he was just a curious person. I am interested in behavior and probably cross the line in some questions to people.

My instincts tell me that the guy had some kind of non-altruistic motive.

I did consider this also, it sort of shook me when I considered that he had developed a personal understanding of my perspective on the world before I had. If I am simply curious about something, I don't satisfy that curiosity slowly, but I know everyone has a different approach though.

It would be nice, though, if my instincts are wrong--which they are sometimes.

I've had something similar happen. A friend of my wife's friend engaged me in odd conversations. Nothing as elaborate as what is described in this topic's original post, just a few chats in the space of a couple of months. She is a social worker, and not qualified to diagnose anything, but she started mentioning in her social circle that I was "on the spectrum". I think she's just a gossip.

I was angry when I heard about it, and I don't talk to her anymore. When we're in proximity in social situations I politely excuse myself and find reason to be elsewhere.

I never heard anything back, but I wouldn't have been privy to that type of in-family gossip. I think one time, at a large family gathering he did notice how anxious I was and directed the conversation towards topics that would interest me, but I was in monosyllable mode by that stage.

This questioning is something that I have mulled over for almost a year now, not continually, just one of those things that happened and left me with uncomfortable feelings. Like when I started reading about types of visual thinkers, I suddenly remembered that he had asked me about this in a very indirect way a year beforehand and that irritated me.
Oh well, such is life.

That sounds creepy; it would make me feel uncomfortable, irritated and a bit violated too. It does smack of a kind of profiling or of a nosy person with layman knowledge of the spectrum trying to "probe" you about things. Icky.

Perhaps 'Probing questions' might have been a better title.

If he had asked me directly, it would have been obvious, if he was being subtle with the aim of getting to know me better/to add a context for some of my oddities that would be OK.

That wasn't the aim though, I believe he was applying HR profiling techniques, for an unknown aim, maybe simple curiosity, maybe not, I'll never know.

It just bugged me when I read something that I identified with and remembered that I had already answered questions about it.

I do the same thing as your in-law family member. In my case, it's pretty innocent - I'm just curious, since psychology is my intense interest. I sure hope no one ends up thinking badly of me for it later.

I suppose it depends on how you use the information you accumulate through curiosity.

Perhaps it is a misplaced belief, but I think the ethical context is different based on the purpose of the research/the branch of psychology. His reference material was from a HR/business perspective.

If I was still in contact with this person, I think I would limit my interactions with them like a previous poster mentioned; having to be guarded around people regularly invited into my home would not be a comfortable experience.

Nope...to be guarded within Home and Hearth is not good at all!