Hi, I'm new here. I came to this forum looking for answers. Things started making sense to me after browsing and searching for information. But I'm still not sure if I am on the spectrum or if I'm just 'strange'. I know self-diagnosis isn't always 100% accurate, but could anyone give me their opinions?
(Note: this will be very long.)
<Sensory&Physical>
-When I was young, I hated wearing headbands and repeatedly stated my discomfort to my mom. After a few times she didn't make me wear it-and haven't worn it since. My mom used to tie my hair until fifth~sixth grade, but she always tied it too tightly for my taste and I'd run my fingers through my hair until it was loose enough for me (and so, so messy that it makes me cringe to think about it now.)
-I loathed tight clothes with a burning passion. I didn't wear jeans until sixth grade. Now, I do wear jeans and tight pants, but most of the time I opt for pants that look like jeans but are very stretchable.
-I have a peculiar sense of smell. I can't tell if food is undercooked or not, or if it's spoiled, but often I walk into a room and state firmly that it smells 'weird'. I used to sniff and stare at new, unfamiliar food before eating it. My mom tried to stop it because it's weird, and I guess it worked because I don't do it. Publicly. And I'm also very, very sensitive to make-up scents, anything from perfume to even chapstick.
-I have a strong aversion to loud noises and flashing lights. I went to karaoke like two times, not by my volition, and displayed irritation before slept through the entire evening. I like going to the movie theatre because I love movies, but I'd rather watch movies at home by myself with the volume not too loud. I have an unexplained irritation with bright, repetitive, loud, obnoxious game sounds (like Candy Crush sound effects).
-I can't stand putting anything on, like sunscreen or lotion. Only my mom could make me apply it, and only when she literally rubbed it over me herself. I used to do it, just for her sake, but now as I'm living in a dormitory, no one makes me. Almost a year without putting anything on my skin now.
-I tear at my lip skin. I know, it's gross, but it's been a habit for..many years. I used to bite my nails, but my mom stopped it. Then I twirled and pulled my hair out, she stopped that as well, and immediately I started to chew at my lip, escalating to worrying and tearing it off with my fingers. It gets worse when I'm concentrating on doing math or am stressed, and my mom's given up fixing that habit at this point. I'm also very fond of bouncing my leg, rubbing my fingers on my left hand together, and if the situation demands me to be still, I wriggle my toes in my shoes.
-I didn't like new clothes because they smelled bad and felt unnatural. I used to get hand-me-downs from my sister, and I actually liked it because it smelled and felt comfortable. (Now I adore new clothes.)
-I have a symmetry compulsion concerning my body and the air around it(?). It's hard to explain it. It's like I have to rub the left side of the keyboard if I've been pressing too many words on the right side, or I have to touch the opposite side of my glasses if I shifted it by one side. I constantly draw a circle with one hand to 'keep the balance', but it's never been noticed. I've kept it to myself because I tried explaining and no-one understood it, and because I can easily find the balance again with a twitch of a finger, or even by imagining myself pawing at the air of the 'unbalanced section'.
<Social>
-I'm getting better at it, but I sometimes can't tell what's rude or not. Unless someone explains the reason for it, or I see it stated plainly, it passes over my head. Once, my favourite teacher told me in my face that I was being very rude, and another time I had to step out to the hallway-both for reasons I still don't understand(they weren't being explicit.) I remember asking my mom about these things when I was young, asking the 'whys' of social conventions and formalities. (Such as saying hello or having to politely answer distant relatives who ask probing questions.)
-I can't tell if a particular subject is appropriate in certain situations or not. I would blurt out random statements or questions, which was a problem especially when I was just learning sex ed. I still can't really figure it out, but I don't have any problems with other people about that because I've learned to keep my mouth shut until someone else says it first.
-I have problems expressing feelings, especially gratitude. Even when I truly feel grateful and happy, I don't know how to properly show it. Sure, I know how other people do it, but I don't know how. Just saying thank you doesn't sound sincere enough, yet when that situation arises, that's all I do.
-I used to not answer in yes/no questions, but with grunts. It made perfect sense to me: one short low grunt for 'yes' and a long one with three separate notes for 'no'. My mom didn't appreciate it. She thought I was being an uncooperative teenager on purpose, as I was 13~14 at the time. I tried explaining the system to her, it didn't take. She insisted that other people won't understand, and she made me answer properly. Needless to say, she was right. Now there's harmony as I usually answer in words and she goes with it if I sometimes don't open my mouth.
-I used to not care about my appearance at all until sixth grade. My mom used to brush and tie my hair, and she even picked out my clothes for me, which is very strange to me now but was the most natural thing in the world at the time. The only thing I had in mind was personal hygiene, which I didn't take a good care of when I was twelve to thirteen(forgetting to take a shower or brush my teeth). I was completely oblivious of myself as I didn't look in a mirror. I thought no one minded-apparently my former best friend did mind and had this abusive friendship dynamic for a year when she made absolutely sure that I knew how embarrassing it was to be seen with someone like me. After that I started throwing away my clothes and wearing jeans.
<Extra>
-I can make friends but I'm not good at keeping them.
-I've been drawing ever since I could hold a pencil in my hand. It makes me calm and content, especially when I draw patterns or write cursives.
-I'm only ever truly comfortable with my mom or my sister, because they get it and I can be as unresponsive as I'd like to be.
-I learned to tie my shoes when I was 14. Until then, velcro all the way.
But the thing is, I've never had any particular problems. I've never had a tantrum or a meltdown. I've always been able to communicate my needs and discomforts. I've always been a reasonable child, my mom says. I've had and have friends. I personally experience great stress and worry when socializing or meeting new friends, but they seem to like me. (They just think I'm a little 'shy'.) I greatly enjoy sarcasm and jokes. I love fiction books and novels. I'm good with language(English is not my first language). I get on by with decent grades. I had no huge problems with socializing except for my immense introversion, and my friends all call me the 'eccentric one', with some uncommon quirks but nothing serious. Bear in mind, I've never been put in a situation that required much of me. My whole family's introverted and very supportive when I voice what I want, meaning I've never faced a threatening environment as a child until my socializing skills had developed.
Am I just an 'eccentric' person, like my friends say? Am I just a seriously introverted person with very particular and sensitive concerns? I have no idea who I am.
10 Jan 2017, 11:03 am
I'll look up on that, too!
