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Joined: 22 Oct 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 391
Location: Wrong City

23 May 2017, 10:08 pm

I feel really off. I have piles and piles of empty work that needs to get done, but I don't have motivation. I don't care, I don't want to do it. I want college only because people tell me it will be better than this hell I'm currently in. I don't understand anything. I'm constantly questioning things? Why is society this way? Why is that persona acting that way? Why do they look at me that way? What does this mean? It's draining. I feel like I don't belong here.

I almost want to exist in some sort of apocalyptic desert world. Like I would be in some mad max look alike, or I would be some sort of wandering cosmic scientist. I want to socialize, I get lonely easily, but I can't. I want to be alone and in control yet I want to talk. I like to fantasize about being an explorer of some kind, exploring new lands and meeting new people, with an infinite variety. I want to have my own space, where no one else can enter, ever. I want all these things, but I will never have them. I also don't want to be a person, I dislike people, sorry guys.

I desire strongly to be in an isolated yet populated universe. Like I would be lonely and loneliness is accepted. It would be so nice.

Anyways, what are your thoughts? Do you feel out of place in "their" world? I need help. :x


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Joined: 10 Apr 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,087
Location: USA

23 May 2017, 10:21 pm

That's a pretty common philosophy I've seen here among autistics, so there's your 'alone without being alone'. As for myself, when I was in my teens I wanted to socialize and couldn't, anymore I don't want to socialize and I do decent when it actually happens. I think it's that I just don't care about it anymore, I don't feel pressure to fit in, and I can leave at any point because of that. I came to terms with social isolation a long time ago. I've always been interested in information (ol' book learnins') and acquiring new skills, and people tend to get in the way of that pursuit. Things get easier once you've accepted that you're not gonna fit in, it's like a pressure release valve. My suggestion is find something or things you enjoy doing and fall in love with those things, that's the easiest way to cure any feelings of isolation you may have. That and marijuana :P .


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Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,229
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

24 May 2017, 7:17 am

The average level of anxiety in a high school student today is higher than in a 50's mental institution. The NTs can barely stand it, and we have even more basic alienation. Overall, people are still having trouble with the recent transition to large, agricultural societies, and now it has gone a step farther into an all-artificial environment for many.
A friend of mine once went to a shrink with a story like yours. Getting his history, it came out that he was currently studying Philosophy at the U. That quickly led to the advice to take a week off, which worked.
Why not take a small vacation? I'd recommend using mostly muscle power to move around, enough to be tired every night, but not very sore in the morning. Get plenty of fluids and sunshine, and explore the micro biome if you don't have a large wilderness, maybe taking pictures or drawing to help you focus.