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rowan_nichol
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14 Nov 2017, 4:25 pm

1. Romance Patchy. One big disaster, one possibly missed oportunity whioch instead became lifelong friend and honourary sister, and eventually success as part of a polyamorous relationship
2. Marriage Not married and marriage law does not have any recognition for poly situations
3. Children No and don't want
4. Career A success, long term employment and avoiding chronic high stress posts
5. Home Ownership Yes thanks to 4
6. Friends Yes, very small number and very high quality.



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14 Nov 2017, 5:13 pm

MagicKnight wrote:
I won't be tackling whether or not these things actually fulfill the meaning of what adulthood truly should be. I'll rather talk of these individual bullet points.

I have my own house. I've had a number of romances but never had been married. Don't have kids. Most of my few friends have their own lives and as much as we care and respect each other, I don't fit in their schedules anymore since I'm still a single man while they have families, spouses or whatever that puts a whole world between us.

Most of the time I don't care about these things. Sometimes I feel like I must be missing something, as if these things would really be the ultimate goal for a human on this planet, but that's just for a brief moment before I sense it all as a huge illusion. There are pros and cons attached to every little decision one makes and certainly these decisions don't apply to everybody out there. For one, the overdebated matters on why one should seek happiness alongside a so-called "better half" strikes me as pure fallacy. I know many married couples and by observing them combined to my own experience, I fail to see why one should feel perfectly happy all the time just for the reason of being a married person. As a matter of fact staying single looks a lot better a life path to me.

So lots of friends, marriage, kids, money, fame, a happy life... I don't pursue those things. Imho life has no intrinsic meaning and purpose and I don't try to overthink as to what kind of meaning I should be assigning to it. I try to stick to what it feels right and best for me without harm to others and that's hard enough an adult life statement to live by yet.

One specific point would be the career thing. To cut it short, I don't care about my career - I refer to it simply as "job". It's not a road towards personal growth. I don't even envy people who think of themselves as super-achievers who are able to go through the most unimaginable lengths to "fulfill their destinies" - whatever they think their destinies would be. Imo, there's but one destiny for a living creature on this world so one should just focus on the journey and experience rather than some abstract goal such as absolute happiness because if you feel like that happens to you, you're completely delusional. Careers don't make us better persons, don't make us smarter and don't fulfill human hearts. They make us better at what we do just so we can serve others - most times greedier, more competitive or more competent people than we are ourselves in our social roles. One can feel like is growing as a person because is earning more money or assigned more responsibility to or both, but that's simply how justifies his/her life and why should keep walking that same path.

A last curious point: when I was struggling against a severe crisis of depression some years ago, those bullet points from the original post used to pop up in my head unannounced, all the time. Needless to say, that just made me feel as the worse of all creatures. What I'm trying to say here is, to pursue true happiness will rather probably make people very unhappy just by they thinking of it.

I agree that conversation with friends or family with kids can be tedious and awkward; however, I just can’t see a stable community without the cornerstones of family and work. It also seems to me that in the absence of meaningful employment most people become depressed and directionless, substract friends and romance, and most people think their life or life itself becomes meaningless. I see the benchmarks as simply cornerstones of how the middle class has organized itself in industrialized countries. I’m curious did you feel “worse of all creatures” because you felt that all these benchmarks are an illusion and not worth striving for?


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HighLlama
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14 Nov 2017, 5:44 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Clakker wrote:
In the West, I'm part of the 'so called' Peter Pan Generation
Me too! I'm a very late starter in life.

Clakker wrote:
(in Japan the terms are much worse).
Which terms do they use in Japan?

HighLlama wrote:
5. Home Ownership - I think I prefer an apartment. I don't have to worry about all the stupid lawn care.
You can own an apartment. Can you still call it a home?

Maybe in America they're called apartments when you rent them and condos when you buy them. There are dozens of people who own their own apartment in my building but they still call it an apartment regardless of if they bought the apartment or if they're renting it.


Yes, they can be owned too. I don't mind renting, though.



RetroGamer87
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14 Nov 2017, 8:05 pm

LupaLuna wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
LupaLuna wrote:
5. Home Ownership - I own my house all paid for. I paid cash for it after saving up the money for it. It's amazing how much money you can save when you don't have to pay child support or having to raise a family.

You're doing very well. It's amazing how much money I can't save even though I don't have kids and I earn a decent salary. This is one of the biggest reasons why I'm immature.


Do you have any idea how much the interest is on a mortgage? If you get a 30-year mortgage. Over 2/3 of that will be interest. Of that 30-years. You pay only 10 years on principal and the other 20 is interest. If you save up the money and wait. Instead of paying interest. Now you earn interest. It only took me 8-years to save the money to buy my house and 1/3 of that was interest "earned" from the bank.

Yes I'm aware but if I spend a number of years to save up to buy a house I'll be paying rent at the same time.

Let's be very optimistic and say I can save $1,000 per month. At that rate it would take me 25 years to save for a basic apartment. But at the same time, I'm paying $1,400 per month in rent. So after 25 years when I've saved up $300,000 for a basic apartment, I've also paid $420,000 in rent so I could have a place to live while I was saving. So I pay $720,000 on a $300,000 apartment. That's not much better than a mortgage.

To compound that, during this 25 years, the value of the same apartment would increase, meaning I have to save four or five hundred thousand to buy an apartment that currently costs three hundred thousand. My rent would also increase. Both of these factors would further add to the cost but a mortgage doesn't increase if the home goes up in value.


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RetroGamer87
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14 Nov 2017, 8:07 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
It's amazing how much money I can't save even though I don't have kids and I earn a decent salary. This is one of the biggest reasons why I'm immature.


Maybe you eat out too much? That's what you said in another topic... cooking at home is a lot cheaper than eating in restaurants or ordering food.

But then I'd have to pay for the ingredients. I'm not sure if it would be that much cheaper. I've tried cooking a meal a few times but I usually end up spending $10 or $20 on the ingredients.


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kraftiekortie
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14 Nov 2017, 8:17 pm

It's always cheaper for me to cook for myself.

I sense that you are somewhat of a "gourmet" type of cook, RetroGamer.

As for me, I'm in the "meat and potatoes" camp. More like "meat and pasta" LOL

A 450 gm box of pasta costs about $1.00. A decent steak costs about $7-10 or so. Or stew beef. Various types of veggies cost like $1 or $1.50 frozen. The pasta sauce is like $2.49 a full jar. You use maybe half a far when you make this dish. This meal could last 2-3 days. You can substitute shrimp for this, or lamb, or any sort of meat.



B19
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14 Nov 2017, 9:16 pm

I would love more balance on Wrong Planet, specifically a dedicated forum for threads focused (only) on success stories and achievements in AS lives, big and small, my first post there would dedicate a thread to this amazing young woman:

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/well ... -the-beast

The negativity that dominates most forums at present urgently needs a counterbalance, and a protected space for success to be celebrated without any poisoning of the well.



Dear_one
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14 Nov 2017, 9:38 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Do you have any idea how much the interest is on a mortgage? If you get a 30-year mortgage. Over 2/3 of that will be interest. Of that 30-years. You pay only 10 years on principal and the other 20 is interest. If you save up the money and wait. Instead of paying interest. Now you earn interest. It only took me 8-years to save the money to buy my house and 1/3 of that was interest "earned" from the bank.

Yes I'm aware but if I spend a number of years to save up to buy a house I'll be paying rent at the same time.

Let's be very optimistic and say I can save $1,000 per month. At that rate it would take me 25 years to save for a basic apartment. But at the same time, I'm paying $1,400 per month in rent. So after 25 years when I've saved up $300,000 for a basic apartment, I've also paid $420,000 in rent so I could have a place to live while I was saving. So I pay $720,000 on a $300,000 apartment. That's not much better than a mortgage.

To compound that, during this 25 years, the value of the same apartment would increase, meaning I have to save four or five hundred thousand to buy an apartment that currently costs three hundred thousand. My rent would also increase. Both of these factors would further add to the cost but a mortgage doesn't increase if the home goes up in value.[/quote]

Yep, it looks impossible for all but a few top-paid folk. That's why most home buyers get creative. If they buy a building, they rent at least half of it out. Or, they use an RV or other expedient for living. The capitalist economy will never willingly do more than keep you barely alive if you are hard to replace.



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14 Nov 2017, 10:00 pm

B19 wrote:
I would love more balance on Wrong Planet, specifically a dedicated forum for threads focused (only) on success stories and achievements in AS lives, big and small, my first post there would dedicate a thread to this amazing young woman:

https://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/well ... -the-beast

The negativity that dominates most forums at present urgently needs a counterbalance, and a protected space for success to be celebrated without any poisoning of the well.


I agree.

And that said, I would like to say that while there's been many good things in my life, there have definitely been challenges and struggles too ... so for anybody thinking my life seems unrealistically "flowers and lollipops" or "rainbows and unicorns" or something, no it ain't perfect and yes it can be really hard at times. Just wanted to say this so that others out there know to keep going, keep doing their best, and that good things can happen. It usually requires work and being open to change.

Anyways, yes, I agree. 8)



xatrix26
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14 Nov 2017, 10:00 pm

I would say that I haven't really experienced adulthood as NTs have that's for sure. My emotional development appears stunted and feels unmoving at about the eight to nine year old level. Many of the milestones the most people have hit I simply haven't gotten to yet even at 42 years of age. Even something as simple as obtaining a car was a massive milestone for me and quite a big deal to handle.

For example, getting married, buying a house, even obtaining a girlfriend is something that I'm simply not interested in as to me they are such huge variables that I simply cannot control the outcome of. Too many variables and not enough constants - Story of My Life.

I'm not even ashamed to say that I still sleep with a teddy bear. Despite being a high functioning Autistic, I am still very much a child through and through.


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Scorpius14
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14 Nov 2017, 10:04 pm

Romance = very little / no interest in romance, had 1 or 2 that might have been interested in me but didn't really feel it happening both ways, seem to be emotionally attached to pets (i know isn't romance but its closest i've got)

Marriage = don't plan on marriage nor am I bound to any religion/law associated with it as im atheist

Children = same as marriage plus population will eventually outpace resource production if you think long term and as our race as a whole

Career = non-existent, tying in to being near homeless with little prospect of getting any sort of job but who knows with this climate of uncertainty what will happen but things look bleak for my future

Home = as mentioned being nearly homeless, under alot of pressure to find a job so that I can stay with a family friend. As it stands, i'm not able to pay towards anything and very lucky to even have internet, my own computer and a room to stay in.

Friends = only online ones which don't really count, other than that no real life friends and prefer to be alone anyway



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14 Nov 2017, 10:10 pm

xatrix26 wrote:
I'm not even ashamed to say that I still sleep with a teddy bear. Despite being a high functioning Autistic, I am still very much a child through and through.


That seems fine to me. 8)



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14 Nov 2017, 10:20 pm

Scorpius14 wrote:
Career = non-existent, tying in to being near homeless with little prospect of getting any sort of job but who knows with this climate of uncertainty what will happen but things look bleak for my future

Home = as mentioned being nearly homeless, under alot of pressure to find a job so that I can stay with a family friend. As it stands, i'm not able to pay towards anything and very lucky to even have internet, my own computer and a room to stay in.

Friends = only online ones which don't really count, other than that no real life friends and prefer to be alone anyway


I hope you will find a good job soon. That's been quite a challenge for me too ... as a contractor, steady work is rare and art does not pay the bills.

As for friends, my best friend started out as an online friend. We then started talking on the phone and ended up best friends who would send each other cards and gifts in the mail for birthdays and Christmas.

I wish you the best of success and hope your family friend continues to be a good friend.



xatrix26
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14 Nov 2017, 11:00 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
xatrix26 wrote:
I'm not even ashamed to say that I still sleep with a teddy bear. Despite being a high functioning Autistic, I am still very much a child through and through.


That seems fine to me. 8)


His name is Bruno O'Bear btw.

:D


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adoylelb90815
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15 Nov 2017, 12:22 am

1. Romance-yes, still in a long term relationship
2. Marriage-yes, divorced and will eventually get married again
3.Children-No, never had a desire, and I'm getting closer to menopause.
4.Career-Yes
5.Home Ownership-No, live in southern California where homes are expensive
6.Friends-Yes