How to be a good host/hostess to your guests

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Does anyone else find it important to be a good host/hostess to their guests? I do, especially if I've invited them or agreed that they can come long before they actually do. Thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that it is important to me for two reasons: one, I was taught that it is proper manners to be a good hostess to one's guests and my mother always set a great example on this particular matter. The second reason is that my family and relatives seem to think that I'm unable to be a good hostess since I'm bad at many things that come naturally to them, so I kind of want to give them a figurative middle finger by proving them wrong... yes, I can be a bit of a brat.

As for what one has to do to be a good hostess (or a host; same rules apply to men as far as I know, but if there is a man and a woman in the house then the woman is usually expected to be the one to do most of the work and she's also the one who usually does. In any case from now on when I say hostess just assume I mean both genders), I've been taught and have observed the following regarding food, socializing and the place you're hosting people in:

With food, the most important thing is to have at least something that each of the guests can eat even if they have allergies or something, but it'd be better if everyone was able to eat more than just one thing. One should also make sure that there is enough food so that everyone does get to eat something and that people won't hesitate to take any because they are afraid that other guests wouldn't get enough. Then, there should always be both sweet and salty treats and from what I've observed, not having anything salty on the table is worse than not having anything sweet (I didn't have anything salty last time and it kind of bothers me.) It doesn't matter if the selection of sweet stuff is bigger than the selection of salty stuff (or the other way around), but there should always be both. Natually the guests should have at least two choices of what to drink, too.

Then, socializing. This is usually the hardest part for me. A proper hostess makes everyone feel welcome and pays attention to all of her guests equally (I'm really struggling with this one, but then again most people seem to do so.) She can also make small talk when needed, but can enter a more meaningfull conversation as well if the guests start one. However, the topic should be decided by the guests and if it happens to be uncomfortable for someone, the hostess should subtly direct the conversation to another direction (the later part is also something many people seem to struggle with.) The host should also try to socialize during preparations (like setting the table), but not being able to do this is not an etiquette mistake if the guests are in a separate space at the moment, like if the kitchen/dining room and living room are separated. In situations like these it'd be ideal to have two hostesses so that the other one can keep company to the guests as the other one handles preparations.

As for the enviroment, I think it goes without saying that the place should be clean and not have stuff lying around. There should be enough space to sit as well, perhaps even an extra seat or two in case someone brings along a person you weren't expecting. This can be hard in a small place, but it is very important to try to make it work. If someone has to stand, make sure it's you. If you have bad legs (injury or something), then it's acceptable to make a guest stand while you have a seat, but otherwise it's not. When you set the table, make sure that everything the guests should need is there (I forgot napkins last time) and try to make it look good. For examble, don't just put cookies in their package on the table, put them on a nice plate or the like.

I probably forgot something important, but those are main points I can think of. Is there something that isn't like this where you come from/in your family? Do you think I forgot something really important?

The reason I'm asking this stuff is because my birthday is soon and some relatives are supposed to come over and I'd like to be as good hostess as I can for the reasons mentioned above.

And this is in the autism -section because I thought that these things probably don't come to us as naturally as they do to NTs.