Moving Disaster

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This weekend was a bit of a disaster for me, and I would like for some tips on how I can prevent something like this from happening again. Even if it seems like something that should be common knowledge, I don't care. I seem to be lacking in common knowledge.

The situation is that I moved to a new apartment this past weekend. On Wednesday my wife came over to look at the new apartment, and we got into an argument about how more of the packing was not done. You must keep in mind that my wife and I are separated because she does not want to deal with having to take care of me, and we are trying to make me more self sufficient. After this weekend, I have little hope that she is coming back.

After the argument on Wednesday, I basically threw myself totally into packing and getting things ready for the move (which would be on Friday). Through my best attempts, I was still unable to get all of the packing done on time, and my wife told me that this was the last straw. So we put everything into the truck and took it to the new apartment.

While moving things into the new apartment, I lost all of my strength and couldn't move anything more. Fortunately my brother and a friend of my wife were there to help move. My wife asked me if I had eaten anything that day, and I told her that I had not. After reflecting on that point, it had occurred to me that I hadn't eaten since Wednesday. In all of my focus on trying to get all of the packing done, I had just forgotten to eat.

Obviously if I can't remember to eat, then I am far from being self suficient. What I am looking for is what strategies other people use to cope with life. Also if you have had a situation similar to that with myself and my wife, I would greatly appreciate advice on that point.

Thank you,
Paul

I tried, I really did. The whole thing is just so humiliating.

i forget to eat too, Paul, and i have been living independently for 25 years! please try not to beat yourself up about it, though - it happens.

as a strategy to help you remember - could you decide on times during the day when you eat your meals and then set an alarm clock for those times? then, after you do this for a few days (or possibly weeks - depends how long you need to get into the habit), your body will get used to the regular meals and will let you know. and, if it doesn't, then you just keep using the alarm. i don't know if you're working or not, but you could use a watch alarm (more discreet) if you are. you would also have to reset the alarm after each meal, unless you have a VERY clever one, which can deal with 3 alarms (or whatever) a day.

the other thing to do is to eat in the same place all the time, so you have an association with that place and eating. kitchen/dining room table would be ideal, i reckon. if not, somewhere where you ALWAYS eat.

hope this is helpful. and the very best of luck.

It's easier to say from the outside, but if someone's got that much of a problem with you because you can't do something very well, you probably don't want to grow old with them. Imagine if you had a spinal cord injury or started having more trouble getting around because of arthritis or something! Would she then want a separation because she couldn't "take care of you"? Or would she stick you in a nursing home or something?

I've never had it happen in a romantic relationship (because I've never really had one), but I've had so-called friendships in which the people involved decided I was too much trouble simply because of facets of being autistic. It hurt, but I was better off without them. And inflicting this attitude on you while you're in the middle of one of the most stressful and difficult things for even a non-autistic person to do (most non-autistic people can't move without help) is not cool at all.

If you want to continue a relationship and she can't handle assisting you with things, though, I'd advise trying to either find services or hire someone to help you with certain things (including learning them, if you're able to). Which can be difficult, but probably beats dealing with someone who's going to be resentful of you for what you can't at the moment do.

...and nobody in the world is anywhere near self-sufficient. It's just that the people whose needs are most often catered to, find the fact that their needs are being catered to, to be invisible.