AHHH! The madness of it all!

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Why is it that all therapists seem to want to work on your relationship with your family and the history with them? Mine kept talking about that too. I wanted to scream out "I'm not here to talk about my family history. I'm here to discuss a diagnosis for AS." I realize they need to get an idea of who you are but to focus solely on that seems sort of counterproductive to why you're really there. I also agree with makelifehappen in that a 1 hour appointment where AS is barely even touched on doesn't give anyone enough information to make an informed diagnosis. Most of what I've read about adult AS states that many psychologists/doctors don't have experience in diagnosing/treating adults. There just isn't enough known about it yet. That's why you really need to find a doctor who is knowledgable.

danielismyname - i've learned over time to stim in different ways to make them less obvious. I rocked and flapped as a child, but now I do smaller things (though I still rock/handflap on occasion when alone) so that people who aren't really looking too closely probably wouldn't even see me doing them.

Someone else in this thread mentioned that AS has a spectrum. Not everyone has exactly the same symptoms to the same degree. That's why doctor's need to be more careful and complete when talking to someone.

makelifehappen - is there any way you can actually call the Autism Society? If you're like me, you hate the phone (I contacted my org solely by email) but if they aren't emailing you back, can you call?

I even remember reading-I think it was in Attwood's newer book-that traditional psychotheropy is worthless for people with AS! I'm not sure if he was talking in general, or maybe just in relation to helping with AS related stuff.

I'd think it would be important to find out about past stuff just to get an idea of who the person is, but not to "work on it" or something (in regards to AS that is).

I'm kind of bored of my family history at this point

ME TOO!! I was going mad with it. This was all irrelevant to what I was seeking.

Bored to tears with family history, all right. The fact that I have eliminated all ties with my entire family, both immediate and extended (apart form one single cousin and my own clan) surely should have been another sign, no?

*sigh*

I have those "classic" things in my family history which seem to be red flags to therapists. Divorce, distant/absent father, no early memories, etc. The ones I have met with want to focus on how I feel about those things. I keep trying to tell them, I don't feel anything about them. They were experiences, that's it. I'm not avoiding them, not repressing anything, etc.

My family history is HISTORY. We can learn from it, but it's not something to be dwelled upon. I had a decent childhood (besides my usual problems with friends because my lack of social skills). Hell, most of the kids my age had divorced parents and went through the same things I did. It's not that unusual.

I agree, briefly discuss family history and then focus on experiences that relate to AS. Is it that hard to do?

Yep, you know me all to well


I have been written up at work on numerous occasions for my avoidance of telephone and face to face conversations with colleagues. My 2 immediate coworkers more than accommodated for my needs (with great understanding of my difficulties) and asked to have msn approved for communication (and we are only 3-6ft away from each other on a good day)...

I will call today. I tend to email EVERYTHING i can get away with and get my partner to do most calls, but I guess this is where I suck it up and "adapt"

I had a feeling you were like me when it comes to the phone. My partner gets mad because I totally avoid contact by phone. When the phone rings, I just hand it to him. You won't even see me ordering a pizza by phone. Thankfully, our pizza place let's you order online now!

I wouldn't recommend using the phone (because I hate it) but if you aren't getting any response by email, then you will have to suck it up. You can do it!

Hm...interesting. This is exactly what I tend to think...

I explained that I am not affected by these things. I do not feel depressed or anxiety ridden about my past. I do not avoid them or repress them, in fact I have quite vivid memories from those days, but I do not react to these events like others do. My NT friends could never quite understand my ability to "cope so well", as they would have been an emotional, anxiety ridden trainwreck about 100 times over, but not me. I just let it roll off and carry on....I used to crack off about how I would likely wake up one day with MPD or similar, but truly, I am not "scarred" by any of my life events...

Just do the assessment already!! !

I guess a therapist's first instinct is to want to work on family problems in the past as a way to mend the present. It's classic psychology now that I think about it. We're all formed by our past. True, but as a person who has AS (or suspects it) I don't react to those past experiences in the same way that someone else does. I don't get wrapped up in "boo hoo... my daddy left me and doesn't love me" because there's no point in it. Like you... let it roll off.

nobody ever said he was sane!

He asked me how I would go home and describe him to my partner and I responded, "cool and reserved". He almost choked on his saliva, shocked that I went there, but what did he want from me??! ! Bloody hell, look at the signs!

He said most people would tend to say the opposite of him.

Duh, I told you I can't read people!! !! and he is pretty fortunate I didn't ask him how he was doing about 900 times throughout the meeting. *sigh*

I went to therapists in the past, knowing I needed answers, but had no idea what IT was. I lasted no more than 2 sessions because they were diving into my family history and annoyed that I thought it was all irrelevant. I am not going to take time away from my work to come in to see you once a week for that crap! ugh!

It is all in what they know and where their area of expertise lies, in my opinion. We went to many Dr's about my daughter. Each had a skewed opinion of what it was, never looking at the whole picture, always zoning in on their area of knowledge and this is partly why we ended up with misdiagnosis and chasing it up for 7 years...when we finally saw a specialist he said he was "amazed that a case this blatant was swept under the carpet for so long". He also confirmed that Dr.'s zone into their specialties and ignore the rest.

Why the hell did I see a psychiatrist about my daughters symptoms one year and get a label of ocd, gad and "rigid sensitive temperment" and spell out the EXACT same information to the AS Specialist 2 years later who took it in as a whole, looking at all angles with a confirmed dx of AS??! !

Again, the madness of it all...*sigh*

sonny1471

The question is: did you in fact "learn" to do such or did you improve/develop as you got older (which is common with all 'trum disorders)? AS/HFA for the most part is one end of the spectrum, with mentally retarded and completely mute individuals on the other. When you get enough individuals with a single disorder, it's easy to note discrepancies between the people, but the defining pattern is still there: social impairment and narrow/focused interests (these are the two "big ones" concerning AS).

Wolfpup,

It's funny, I made far more eye contact when I was a child compared to now; I'm smarter now than I was then. As a child when someone could actually get my attention, I'd stare them down; I can barely touch someone's shoes with my eyes now. The thing is, I went to normal school just like any other student, but there was no way that I could adapt and change the disorder (not that I knew I had anything wrong with me), so the only way I had respite was leaving and solitude. This pattern has happened my whole life. Not everyone flaps, twirls and/or runs away; many people have a multitude of "stims", they're all classified in the psychology texts, even the dreaded DSM leaves it open for all repetitive motor mannerisms; it's quite easy to satisfy the criteria of the DSM (you don't even need motor mannerisms/"stims" at all), which some experts have stated their dislike of.

makelifehappen,

Last point,

The diagnosis tells you what you can and cannot do -- my case isn't blatant insofar that it's the norm for undiagnosed and longstanding AS (most adults I've seen there with AS/HFA were with their parents, which is quite telling in reality); support from parents or homeless in my case, which isn't that uncommon.

What many of you are missing, AS is worst in those who aren't picked up early as the appropriate care and educational measures aren't implemented; if you've done well enough to survive on your own without being picked up, what's the point of caring too much whether you have it or not (if it walks like a normal duck...). I only look up this silly disorder due to the fact that it's "disabling", and it's disabling in 60% of reported cases (AS/HFA that is, not LFA).

If you can work and you're in or have had a relationship.... *Shrug*

Daniel - I think an individual choosing to seek a diagnosis would be a sign that there are problems in the first place. If I didn't think I had these issues, I wouldn't bother seeking a diagnosis. I definitely have social impairment and narrow/focused interests. Those are two things which caused me to start seeking a diagnosis in the first place.

As for your question regarding learning vs. improve/develop, wouldn't you improve BY learning? Maybe I'm not following your point or something. Yes, there is a pattern to people with AS and that's why there is a list of traits shared by all. That doesn't mean that everyone has all of the traits or shows them in the same way. We're all individuals and aren't all the same. I doubt anyone else's symptoms are exactly like yours.

I make eye contact on a limited basis because I feel like I have to. I know people expect that but I hate doing it. You could certainly look up at someone in the eye because you know it's expected too. That doesn't change the fact that you don't do it.

Where are you getting the fact that most cases of undiagnosed AS get worse as they get older? I don't think I've read that before (though I can be woefully ignorant sometimes). I got out away from my parents as a young person because I had no choice. Believe me, I use my partner in the parental role all the time. You just replace one with the other. There are many people with AS who are partnered/married and that work. People "who have done well enough to survive" on their own want to look for a diagnosis because surviving is the bare minimum. My symptoms have disabled (I hate that word) me to a large enough degree that it's caused me to look for a diagnosis.

Hmm. We develop coping strategies more easily? I have had a lot of women in my life TRYING to touch my life, or help, and it hasn't helped one little bit. I have no coping strategies, and I wouldn't know the first thing to start with if I knew how to do it. I must be worse than I thought. I can't connect with anyone in the generic sense. And women scare me. Well. People scare me. No wait, they don't scare me.. I would just rather not be around them.

I wasn't diagnosed when I was younger because (in my opinion) I was the first-born, and my younger sibling is male. So my mum just figured that's the way I was supposed to be. Also because I didn't tell anyone my problems, or tell anyone anything for that matter. I didn't think they were problems until I got older and compared myself to my peers more. I didn't tell anyone my problems because I didn't think it would change anything. I have been with social workers and I didn't think I would feel any better telling them. And I still don't think that. All that "problem shared problem halved" crap is exactly that - crap.

I must not be a typical female aspie then.

Unfortunate that in your case these were realities. Not entirely sure how I survived my madness, apart from having people pick me up each time I fell (maybe more common for females with nurturing connections). What you do not know is that I left home several times as a young teen. I "ran away", several times for months at a time at the age of 12-14, but in my opinion I was choosing to leave my mother because I did not feel she did a fantastic job as a parent. I left my house for good at 16 and hopped from place to place, eventually finding myself homeless. Believe me, I know these realities.

My choice to "look up this silly disorder" was to ensure that my daughter did not have to live feeling "crazy, stupid, afraid and alone" (her words, not mine). If I find myself in everything she is, than why shouldn't I look into it further. Yeah, I have a job and a partner, but nobody ever said I am doing a fantastic job at either of those. Another reason it was important for me to seek out a dx. I strive for a positive outlook on life, I am grateful for the opportunities that I have been given and the fact remains, I managed to survive this madness I have lived.

I could have easily been an addict, taken advantage of repeatedly, homeless and living on the streets, but I was resourceful and people felt bad for me. People saw the potential that I did not. People continued to reach out, even when I was running the opposite direction and hiding under my rock...giving birth to my first born became the drive that I needed to keep me from slipping into the abyss and I often thought that if I did not have her I may have been lost for good. Being a parent forces you to do the impossible, but that does not mean that I do them efficiently.

Good point makelifehappen. I forgot to mention the job/partner issue of not doing well at either of them. I've skipped from job to job for most of my life; not staying for more than a year at most of them. Partner-wise, I've managed to find someone who is willing to put up with my "quirks" for now. We've nearly broken up a few times because of my lack of affection, no communication, difficulty with being touched, etc. He's willing to work with me as I find my diagnosis because he also recognizes that an AS diagnosis may help explain why I am the way I am.

Yeah, that goes for me too. I mean I'm surviving, I'm even enjoying my life to a large extent. But I'm massively held back by...whatever it is-seemingly Asperger's. Held back in my education, my employment, and completely in my social life (I have none at all), and my lack of a significant other (I've really only dated...I guess at best you could say 3 or 4 people in my life, or at worst 2)-and I really want to meet a wonderful woman and get married.



Yup. You try to fit in as best as possible.



Yeah, exactly! Just surviving isn't good enough. Plus in my case I'm terrified that if something goes wrong (losing my job or whatever), I'm screwed so to speak. With a diagnosis I may be able to learn to function better and help prevent that type of thing from happening, or if worse comes to worse, there's probably a slim chance I'd be able to get special help if I need it.