AHHH! The madness of it all!

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It's absolutely true that if something happened job-wise/relationship-wise, I'd probably be screwed. I want to learn ways to cope with the things I see (and others see) as problems. I don't want to get off thread here but people keep saying special services. I know they have that stuff in some other countries, but I don't think the US has such things.

Yeah, I'm worried that the U.S. doesn't have anything too (If any help exists, let us know!)

I'm also worried that we're completely screwed under the disabilities act, because I just heard this story of a pharmacist (a PHARMACIST for crying out loud) with diabetes who got fired because he had to (briefly) close up from time to time to take care of his disease. Apparently it doesn't count because he's "just fine with treatment" according to the law. I mean GEEZ. If someone with that much education, with that clear cut of a disease gets screwed over, what chance do we have?

I guess some of us can fool them into thinking that we are actually making eye contact.....lol....the only person in the universe that I can tell you that they even have eyes is my husband and my kid. Everyone else, I know their noses and foreheads really well. Can never tell you their eye color though. It cracks me up that some doctors are still using that as a criteria. My son is convinced that someday there will be a whole other category as Asperger's people who don't fit the normal AS dx. They forget that Autism in itself is characterized by the inability to fit into any other category.

I think for an adult they'd just have to ASK how they do with eye contact. Even with some kids, and definitely with teenagers.

Everybody I know says I'm terrible with eye contact and eye rolling. I actually got in trouble in my last job for it. I was told employees were saying it seemed like I didn't care about them or their issues. Honestly, I didn't and had a hard time hiding that fact. Even when I think I'm doing a good job of looking at someone or trying to show empathy, it's completely terrible.

I will never jump through hoops or grovel for a diagnosis. After reading all of the posts in this thread and elsewhere on WP, it seems as if that is what "they" want you/us to do. No one knows me better than I know myself. There could be no other explanation for who and what I am. I am fortunate that I have managed to cope and build a life around myself in spite of my neurology. I left home and married at sixteen and my husband of 48 years has always acted as my parent. Before that, from a very early age, I was my own parent most of the time, and still rely on that part of my psyche quite a lot. I understand that many people seek a dx in order to receive services, which they surely deserve. There should be a better system in the US to diagnose for AS and people should not have to be treated in an humiliating and condescending way, especially when they are forking out a huge sum of money to a professional. The mental health system in the US is completely dysfunctional and corrupt. Rosalynn Carter knew it and tried to have it fixed when her husband was in office. Now that I am retired, I don't have to "act" anymore. I don't have to pretend that I am functioning just as well as my co-workers, I don't have to prove that I am a "team player". I don't have to present myself for daily inspection to the fashion police and the appropriate behavior nazis. I wish all of you well in your quest for a dx, and if you fail to get "their" AS stamp of approval - just say what I say:

"We don't need your steenking diagnosis!"

Psych's and Drs. don't like people who diagnose themselves. Its a conflict of ego as they are the ones with the degree on the wall. I was in college and got sent to my Dr. cause the school said I had some sort of learning disability. I went into the Dr. as a blank slate with the challenge on them to figure it out. The Dr. diagnosed me as ADHD. Then my sons school sent us to a psych for his issues and the psych diagnosed him as Asperger and then told me that he wants to diagnose me too. He said I am ADHD and Asperger. I went to these Drs. with no preconcieved ideas, no script in hand or mind, no emotion one way or the other, just as myself as always am. I was skeptical that they would even figure it out. I think that approach made it easier for them as they did not have to wade through a bunch of junk and I knew the diagnosis was valid cause I didn't try to steer it one way or the other.

Unfortunately, not trying to steer a diagnosis doesn't mean it's valid. As others have said, you can present the same symptoms to different supposed experts and get different results-many that make no sense.

I'm not tied to Asperger's or anything else, but I'm sure like others, I won't accept a diagnosis that makes no sense, has no connection to my symptoms, etc.

Exactly wolfpup! I don't want a therapist who has known me for all of half an hour telling me exactly what my problem is without being more in depth with me about what *I* think is wrong with me. I know myself better than anyone else does. I came to AS as a diagnosis for myself because of all of the research I've done for my sister's son who was diagnosed three years ago with AS.

Someone telling me that I have emotions and just choose not to express them isn't helping me. Oh, the other funny thing my therapist did (that I forgot to mention) is that she jumped up in my face and made an exaggerated angry face. She was like "do you know what emotion that was?" I'm like "I assume you're trying to portray angry" and she said that because I knew that I couldn't have AS. Gee, when you jump up, raise your arms at me, and make a comical grimace and bear your teeth at me, I'm going to know what that is. Duh.

I think my therapist (and many others) is coming from a place of childhood AS. I was a lot like 7 year old nephew at his age and as I've gotten older, I've learned to compensate in certain ways.

It's unfortunate that the US DOESN'T have better services but that's the reality. I certainly don't NEED my diagnosis but I'm determined to get the correct diagnosis, whatever that may be.

You sound very AS to me.

I think what Hyperbolic is saying is that the psychologist is trained & knows something - besides he (i think it was a he) accepted that you have 'mild' symptoms. Basically, their view seems to be that if you are a human relationship failure, then you may have AS. If on you're own you've found a way to cope with society, then you don't have it. Most of them can't seem to get past that.

I've worked in the personal injury insurance claims industry for over 30 yrs & i've read thousands of psych reports. Do you know that opposing psychologists almost always come up with opposing diagnoses? I know of one woman who got five different diagnoses from five diff psychs (though a couple of them admitted that they were guessing - no one really knew what was wrong with her).

There are diagnoses that go in and out of fashion. But the real nature of people doesn't change.

So, what i mean is, don't take their conclusions too seriously. Use the psychologist's thoughts to think more deeply about yourself. But don't lose confidence in your own thinking. After all, you are the sole inhabitant of your own mind. Only you know what goes on there.

AC

So, here are some of the suggestions in the book Asperger's and Girls featuring Tony Attwood, Temple Grandin plus "7 other experts":


"It appears that many girls with Asperger's Syndrome have the same profile abilities as boys, but a subtler, less severe, expression of the characteristics."


"We have a stereotype of typical female and male behaviour. Girls are more able to verbalize their emotions and less likely to use physically aggressive acts in response to negative emotions such as confusion, frustration and anger."


"Hence, boys are more often referred to a psychologist or psychiatrist because their aggression has become a concern for parents or schoolteacher."


"One must always consider the personality of the person with Asperger's Syndrome and how they cope with the difficulties they experience in social reasoning, empathy and cognition. Some individuals are overtly active participants in social situations. Their unusual profile of abilities in social situations is quite obvious. However, some are reluctant to socialize with others and their personalities can be described as passive. They can be quite adept at camouflaging their difficulties and clinical experience suggests that the passive personality is more common in girls.

Each person with Asperger's Syndrome develops their own techniques and strategies to acquire specific skills and develop coping mechanisms. One technique is to have practical guidance and moral support from one's peers. We know that children with Asperger's Syndrome elicit from others either strong maternal or "predatory" behaviour. If the persons natural peer group is girls, they are more likely to be supported and included by a greater majority of their peers. Thus girls with Asperger's Syndrome are often "mothered" by other girls. They may prompt the child when she is unsure what to do in social situations and comfort her when she is distressed."


The author conducted both individual and group social skills training of boys and girls with AS. Experience has indicated that girls "may have a better long-term prognisis in terms of becoming more fluent in their social skills training, which may be why "women with AS are less conspicuous than men".


"Some individuals with Asperger's Syndrome can be quite ingenious in using imitation and modeling to camouflage their difficulties in social situations. One strategy that has been used by many girls and some boys is to observe people who are socially skilled and to copy their mannerisms, voice and persona. This is a form of social echolalia"


The chapter wraps up by saying:


"It is clear that we need more epidemiological studies to establish the true incidence in girls, and for research on the clinical signs, cognitive abilities and adaptive behaviour to include an examination of quantitative and qualitative differences between male and female subjects. In the meantime, girls with Asperger's Syndrome are likely continue to be overlooked and not receive the degree of understanding and resources that they need."