Aspie Pregnancy advice? :)

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Hi everyone.
I'm new here.
24, Irish, Girl. Diagnosed.

I was wondering if ye could advise me a little.

I got married over the summer, and I am pregnant now.

But I am looking everywhere to see is there anything extra I should do with my genetic background to give my baby the best start. Unfortunately all searches I do give me results for parents of asperger children as opposed to my position.

Has anyone ever seen anything useful on the internet or in a book about this?

Thanks in advance, and HI!
Aria

Last edited by Azharia on 05 Jan 2008, 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Are you asking what can an AS parent do to be helpful not knowing whether or not child is AS?

No.. more what I can do DURING pregnancy to give a child that will almost certainly be an aspie too the best start in life.
Saw a good article once but can't find now.

Relax. Eat healthy foods. Breastfeed if possible. Give your child the opportunity to see your face a lot. Pay attention to his (or her) cues and developmental stages but don't stress about every little thing. Throw most parenting books in the garbage, especially the ones that say "do it this way or your child will be forever scarred." Take him to the pediatrician regularly and report any concerns you have. Here in the USA we have programs that provide free therapies to infants and toddlers who do not meet developmental goals. Find out ahead of time if there are any such programs where you live. Look up information on encouraging language and/or social development in young children. Sign language helps kids speak sooner and express their needs before speech is possible. I really recommend signing with all babies and toddlers but most especially with those who are at risk for being on the spectrum.

Oh, and sleep when the baby sleeps. That's the advice we all ignore and wish we hadn't.

Oh! I didn't see this part. I think the recommendations are pretty much the same for all pregnant mums.

Hello and welcome to WP!

I am a NT Mum of 3 sons - 2 diagnosed with Asperger's.

I also had my first child at age 24 - a great age to start parenting in my opinion!

I don't know of any books regarding having an AS background to give your child the best start.

There are plenty of Mum's who have Asperger's on this website including Siuan, Sleepy Dragon etc.

I don't think there would be any difference in pregnancy being an Aspie Mum vs an NT Mum.

Just the usual parenting advice: exercise, regular checks with a doctor/midwife, eat healthy foods, avoid soft cheeses, take folate etc

There is a Parenting forum here that you can use after you have your baby.

Congratulations and enjoy your baby!

Helen

As an AS mother of an AS child....I would say start doing some desensitizing work early on. I often taped my headphones to my tummy and played various kinds of music to my tummy. If my son seemed restless or startied kicking more, I would lay off that particular music and then reintroduce it in small bits until I could play large chunks of it without interruption. I also talked to my tummy and stroked my tummy alot.

I don't really know if it was helpful, but my son came out already wanting for me to hold him and stroke him. Often the only way that he could be calmed when he was a baby was to gently stroke the bridge of his nose. I did a lot of rocking when he seemed to be moving around in an agitated way inside me.

I know, it prolly sounds weird. But my son and I have always had a pretty close bond, and I think that despite the weird environments we have found ourselves in, my touch has always been one that does not bother or annoy him.

Keep your stress down too. I had a stressful relationship with my son's dad and I sometimes wonder if this contributed to some of his issues early on. It also made for a stressful birth and a stressful infancy. Stress during birth has been linked to sensory integration issues. I wouldn't think that it would be a very far hop to AS.

Also, if you have difficulty bonding with others, a screaming fitful sensory annoyed baby will surely alienate itself from you quickly. Make special efforts to realise that it's not personal and that it is because the baby is easily sensory overloaded and does not have the ability to communicate it in a helpful way. I had some problems bonding with my son for the first few days because of my inability to bond with others and my inability to touch others. I also had difficulty because he seemed to cry all of the time and spent several days in an incubator because he was a preemie.

Above all, trust your instincts. If it bothers you it will prolly bother baby. My best girlfriend who is also on the spectrum have often speculated if we contributed to the AS. But we've also both been told that our children were lucky that we instinctively did things to minimize those sensory overloads for our kids. I know this sounds odd too, but when my son was fitful and cried so much that I thought I might scream myself, I started singing "The Ants go Marching" to him. Something about the monotony of that song, seemed to put his wah back in whack.

Last edited by Liverbird on 05 Jan 2008, 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would avoid fish due to mercury and take fish oil supplements instead. Some studies show people with autism and AS have trouble getting rid of mercury and even if not it isn't good for anyone anyway. After birth, I'd refuse vaccines do to the damage they can cause.

Congratulations
I think you will find, without a doubt that there is one word that will help you grasp what it is you need to provide all you can for your baby - and that is OXYTOCIN. A hormone of love, created within you to help you bond to your baby and your baby to you. Please read this and find out more. This is the Key. http://www.wombecology.com/index.html

Congratulations! You are already doing the right thing which is asking other aspie mums about their experiences. It looks like avoiding books and 'experts' and listening to your own instincts is the best way. It's great to hear such positive stories and respect to the Mums here.

I think Western attitudes to birth and parenting are quite out of whack with natural rhythms. Apparently I was "swaddled" and carried a lot in a sling, like the old welsh women did and still happens a lot in asia and africa. I'm adopted and was quite happy and affectionate as a child, though didn't always want to be hugged when other people wanted one

I'd rather have a bit of mercury than polio.

Wow you guys are all amazing. So many answers already.
I really appreciate it. Thank you all so much!
Really helpful answers.

Congratulations, and you've had some great advice already.

About vaccinations and mercury, find out what is IN the vaccinations (or not) before you say no to them. I'm an Aussie, we haven't had mercury in our immunisations for decades. It's usually listed as thiomersal, sometimes as thimerosal, and is a mercury salt used as a preservative.

My sister-in-law's baby had immunisations that did not 'take', and the poor kid got whooping cough every time they tried to immunise. She also got it at other times. Not a happy kid.

My advice during pregnancy - same as for any other pregnant mum. I'm NT (some possible Aspie traits, it gallops in both sides of the family) and also did a lot of the music, the stroking etc during pregnancy.
I wanted my first baby so very much and I was looking forward to the cuddles. Despite her NT label, she never wanted to cuddle for longer than it took to breastfeed. My second baby, identified Aspie at age 15, was VERY clingy, very cuddly. Next two - seemingly more normal, although both on the spectrum.

What I noticed as parent of an Aspie - the baby knew best what he/she needed. With my last one, I let him have what he wanted (within reason) but I also made him be involved in the world as much as I could. He was outgoing, would seek out people, I just had to teach him "appropriate". He was language-delayed and I do applaud the suggestion to use sign language. It wouldn't have worked with him, though - it was as if he was born already understanding the need to learn to read. He is hyperlexic. He was drawn to letters and numbers (we realised later) from his first few months. We let him. We put him on the piano, we showed him how to play, we helped him (using letters) learn to play sheet music, learn to read using the computer - all before 12 months. There was no pressure involved, it all fell into place and became his pathway to progress and communication.

We played games with him that involved eye contact, involved talking to him. One effective game (for him) was mimicking facial expressions. He loved that one. We would often sit by a mirror to play it. We would say, "happy" and make a happy face, smiling etc. We would then ask him to make a happy face. Then we would say, "Sad". As he could handle it, we added to his vocabulary. he would later use these expressions, often looking faked but still reflecting genuine feelings he couldn't express any other way at the time.

One game he could not play is a commonly played one with babies - "touch your nose. Touch Mummy's nose. Touch your eye. Touch Mummy's eye..." and so on. Even when we moved his hand for him, he never "got it".

You do what your baby guides you to do. let him do what he is good at, help him with things he is less good at.

Something else I did with him - I cuddled him as much as he wanted. I would cuddle him to sleep. I let him set the pattern for feeds and sleeps. When someone else tried to impose a more 'normal' pattern it caused havoc, until I went back to how he wanted it. And at about three months old, he stopped wanting to be cuddled to sleep and at a certain point would lean away as if looking for his cot. I would put him in the cot he would immediately tuck his nose in and close his eyes.

His older sister was at one stage a nightmare about going to sleep, especially with her daytime sleep. She really needed a sleep, she was over-tired, but she didn't know how to put herself to sleep. Maybe if I had cuddled her to sleep she would have learned sooner. It took her a few weeks to work it out for herself, and then she was good. Before that she would be screaming and falling asleep sitting up, then when she fell over she would wake as she hit the pillow and it would begin again. It's funny now, wasn't funny at the time.

The most important thing - enjoy your pregnancy, prepare yourself for what to expect in y our own body and body reaction, and love your baby when it arrives. Follow your instincts and ask for help if you feel you need it. And if you ever feel panicked by the baby - put him/her down on the floor and walk out of the room. He can't fall anywhere and he might cry, but he can't get physically hurt that way. Let someone else know, they can go in and pick him up while you get time out for a short while.
My mother taught me that one. She was absolutely brilliant, the best mother I've ever seen with anybody's kids, but even she needed to do that once or twice.

Enjoy your pregnancy, love your baby. It won't happen automatically, so don't fret if you don't immediately feel a surge of maternal love when you meet your baby. Just do what you need to do, talk to people if you're concerned about anything.

Congratulations!

I agree. I second the other advice you gave, too on baby care/development stuff.

I don't think my pregnancies were unusual. I was under a huge amount of stress during the second pregnancy and that's the one that produced the typical kid. Don't go bonkers on vitamins. Follow your doctors' orders. Of course, avoid alcohol (even though a tiny bit might be ok, it's not worth the risk, in most experts' view.) It's probably obvious to avoid smoking and smokers and listen to what your doctor says about medications.

Have fun with your baby. Smile and talk to him or her (I had to be reminded to do this when I first brought the first one home. I was so serious about caring for this baby that I forgot to talk and smile at it.)