I hate myself. I hate the world and Life sucks
If you hate being called smart, is it by any chance because it comes in the form usually of "You're smart, so why do you do such stupid things?"? (Which is one I've heard, a lot.)
Or for that matter, around people anti-intellectual enough, it can just be "You're smart, so I don't like you, at least not if you don't hide it."
Personally, I don't like taking the attitude someone suggested of making yourself feel better because someone out there has it worse than you. That sort of thing always struck me as pretty destructive on a large scale, since it ends up with every situation but the worst one being considered okay, and also often depends on stereotypes about what is worse than anything else (believe it or not, most disabled people think it would be worse to have some other kind of disability, because it's easy to stereotype as awful, something you don't have yourself, once you have it yourself it becomes pretty everyday, and the tools you have to use to get around seem just like the tools anyone else uses in their lives except more socially inconvenient).
But, still, it would be better to think that way temporarily to cheer yourself up than to end up doing something really destructive to yourself because you feel awful.
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"In my world it's a place of patterns and feel. In my world it's a haven for what is real. It's my world, nobody can steal it, but people like me, we live in the shadows." -Donna Williams
If you choose to be delusional, it is not. If you choose to live in reality, it is all that bad.
The sentence that you quoted says "all bad" not "all that bad". Either way, Aspiehood doesn't have to mean a lifetime of despair. It is a disability, yes, but being disabled does not mean that you have to be miserable: you are responsible for your own attitude. Venting is fine, but encouraging people to fall into despair because of who they are and reject everything about themselves, rather than working with their good points and around their bad points, is not.
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
I learned this lesson the hard way after this tactic failed many, many times, at the ripe old age of 23.
Hey!! You are like thousands and thousands of other people. There are people on the spectrum everywhere.
Fascinating people that they all are. Sweeping statement? I don't think so. People on the Autism Spectrum are fascinating and enrich our lives.
Why do people amplify their undesired situations by choosing to believe that they are the only ones going through it?
Then again, this is coming from me...a 44 year old and I can't expect others to see things the way I do.
Just keep reading the first two lines of my post over and over until you believe it...if it helps.
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Nothing much shocks me...so please stop trying...yawn...
i have not been diagnosed yet and i know how you feel my self.
like you i have always wanted to see the world burn i still cant wait for the end of it all and hope i am there to see it happen i stutter a lot when i use my mouth to talk and am hardly heard some times as i am very quiet i am here considered very smart and intelligent
and i often times am helping people with just about any thing they have problems with when it comes to tech stuff even though i suck at teaching i even had a history teacher ask me how to use the search engine on windows
just don't feel to bad it is not you the way you are is just fine but you must let go of how others think of you its hard i still haven't gotten used to it my self but it helps
if you can write well and finish( i cannot finish stories i start) then you are pretty good at something that is worth it
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"some times those who have the illussion of great control are those who have no control." by johnathen umphenour.
Ah, I see you're 20; I remember what it was like at that age.
Don't hate yourself good sir.
If there's one thing I've learned from experience it's that all your really good traits are still in development; ya need a few years to grow into your skin is all.
Biggest recommendation: don't ask anybody to name your positive traits, they're gonna get 'em all wrong, and your self-hatred will actually last quite a bit longer.
What you should do is embrace the cards you were dealt, and learn to excel at your areas of interest. I assure you it will pay off in the long run.
People are gonna give you a lot of advice at your age, and most of it's gonna be really poor advice; but you're here...you're smart to be here; we've been thru all this too, I assure you.
The big difference in regards to when I went thru it was...I didn't know all the things about Autism then that I know now, so I really didn't think much of it, then.
You're here, and we can help you. We're here for ya, dude
I'm mostly neurotypical and I dislike calling AS a disorder.
Also I'm neurotypical and I can relate to a LOT of the so called Asperger symptoms.
I don't believe there's something wrong with me, or you for that matter.
I don't want to burst anyone's bubble here but you're blowing it out of proportion. There's probably nothing wrong with you except for one thing:
THE GAME
People with AS mostly don't play it. No one is like everyone else. The reason everyone acts like eveyone acts is because it is just that. An ACT. Society wouldn't function otherwise.
At home people are just like you and me.
Why would you hate yourself for being who you are? Some people like clubbing, you like writing. More power to you, your skill is actually useful.
Stop looking at things that are 'wrong' (your words) with you and start looking at your qualities. And I believe you have more qualities than just writing.
Also don't feel bad about hating Valentine's Day. A hallmark cash-in holiday if I ever saw one.
I don't want to downplay the struggles that are unique to having aspergers, but many people are miserable at your age!
I know I was. It was a combination of being extremely sensitive, recovering from childhood neglect, low self-esteem, and difficulty relating to other people.
Highly sensitive people and AS people have something in common: immunity to social conditioning. The expression is different as in I can definitely do what people expect--I can play the game--whereas someone with AS may or may not be able to. But I don't care to, but when I was your age I didn't realize that I didn't have to. I can't stand pointless chit-chat, fakeness, when people say things like, " I really want to see you" and we hardly know each other. Or, when people say, " I'll call you".... " Let's hang out"... or anything like that and they don't mean it and never follow through.
I cannot tolerate betrayal, teasing, gossip, illogical conversation, being emotional without reason, when people stay angry without resolution, defensiveness, etc... etc...
But when I was your age, I couldn't name all of that. I pointed it all at myself, I thought that I was the defective one and I just wanted to relieve my feelings of alienation by fitting in.
I hope that you never fully fit in! Fitting in means becoming immune to what's really going on, in service to what is socially acceptable.
Instead, I wish that you could develop self-esteem, find people like you (like here on WP) in real life, and learn who you are and what your needs are. If you make that your goal, surely you will get there.
If you have the resources, I'd start with some therapy. Find a professional that you trust and who fully supports you to open up to. Use Alice Miller's website to help guide you in finding a good therapist as there are tons of bad ones out there.
http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?force=faq
Then, are you taking care of your health? Eating whole foods, drinking plenty of water? Cut out all processed foods, soda, sugar and you will feel a million times better. Are you getting exercise?
That may seem unrelated, but it's actually the very base of feeling good. I know that when I eat a lot of sugar, I start to feel terrible incuding feelings of self-hate. If only I realized the power of nutrition at your age!
Hope you feel better soon! Keep reaching out!
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"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home." -Basho
Life will not always suck and plenty of people who don't have AS do all that stuff too
Try to think of some of the ways being Pedantic can be good, and think of some of the things you can do instead of focusing on the things you can't do (yet) or the negative side of the things you do.
I'll try to write some suggestions about the positives in a moment.
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