Does not righting every little past wrong make you...

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terrified/scared, sad/depressed and angry/annoyed?


Sometimes I feel like the more little misunderstandings occur in my life that I don't put right (rather than just forgetting about it or "moving on") the more I become tangled in a more and more confusing knot and it becomes harder and harder to untangle and more and more constricting until I start to think I won't get out, or the only way to get out is it cut myself loose and give up on all the other potential that got tangled up. Do you know what I mean?

Um...not really. I can't make sense of what you're saying.

There are times I wish I could have straightened out a misunderstanding earlier or before things got more confusing... It seems that when there is a misunderstanding, if it isn't corrected as soon as possible, it can often lead to more misunderstandings.. connected to it... Maybe thats the "tangled" web you are referring to ? ; )

I still wanna right my wrongs from like...10, 11 years ago?

Yes, I obsess over past mistakes. I guess I tend to expect perfection from my self too much.

Don't try and put all those little misunderstandings right (most people don't), learn from them and try to do better next time. People will appreciate an effort even if it does go wrong. Be aware you shouldn't blame yourself for everything, it's not healthy.

I go crazy over stuff like that, but I'm trying to do so less.

I can't fix all the things I've done, but lawsie do I remember them...

it's sort of like the 12-step program; one step is to contact all the people you've hurt, and apologize...dang would that be a long call...

Oh yeah, I obsess over my past mistakes all the time. I regret more often than is healthy for someone my age. I've wished so many times that I could go back to the past and change some things.

One major, major flaw with me is my preoccupation with knowing what others think of me. I hate this particular trait because it renders me perpetually unsatisfied. I spend hours analyzing situations and trying to look from other people's perspectives. I often think that something's my fault when it isn't, and I know that it isn't. I just can't. Help. It.

I call that, a type of anxiety.

I used to have days, that I'd be wishing that I could travel back to my early childhood, and fix all the mistakes that I've made. I wouldn't have the toilet related accidents and get yelled at. I'd learn to speak, before I was three and not just after. I'd learn to read, at the age of five. I'd learn to tie my shoes and ride a two-wheeler, at the age of four, like my younger sister did. I'd keep my obsessions a secret, at the age of seven. I wouldn't have gotten yelled at by my mum, if I didn't soil my bedsheets, due to a bout of diarrhea, at the age of eight. I wouldn't have broken my right ankle, ice skating, at the age of nine, because I was trying to skate faster than my six year old sister, to get the neighbourhood boys off my case, though, I couldn't skate half as fast as she could. I would go back to the year that I was ten, and keep myself from talking about the United States. I did one thing right, in my childhood, at the age of twelve. After being told not to talk through my nose, after 60 times, in less of a third of my summer vacation, I've asked my parents, "Why don't you just kill me, if you hate my accent, that much!"

It was last year, around this time, that I've decided, that I was going to let go of my past.

Yes! One of the downsides to a photograpic memory is that you remember every little mistake you have ever made. My past mistakes haunt me, sometimes to the point of small panic attacks, and I wish there was something I could do to make up for them.
I wish I could track down that girl who's name I never knew and say "Sorry for hitting you out of frustration seven years ago" but logically I know that I would most probably get a "Who are you and what are you talking about?" in return. Others just don't remember, and so it serves no point to ask them for forgiveness.
The only thing you can really do is to always try not to repeat past mistakes.

i have had days where i wish that i could go back in time just so i could fix up things that went wrong. so i know where u come from.