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scumsuckingdouchebag
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26 Feb 2008, 2:08 pm

Mostly on-topic and slightly off-topic rant ahead:

Prolonged social interaction not involving my subjects of interest becomes extremely stressful after about a day or so. One day consisting of hours of social interaction needs at least 3 to 4 days to 'recover'(usually more), otherwise I become quite erratic when around people again for periods of time more than an hour or so. School wasn't a problem in this area because I could focus on something besides the people in the room, but the more quitodian friendships and social interactions are awkward to engage in. Fronts would help with this, but I still wasn't fooling anyone. It just made me more 'weird', or a 'clown'.

Being around other people too long with the focus on subjects outside of my interests greatly exacerbates those personality disorder traits that I have.

I sometimes like laying in bed for 20+ hours straight, or with a book, or a computer, after being around other people for too long. I need to be back to my thoughts again. Around and around they go... if only I could better put those thoughts to practice in the real world I might do something with myself and not be 'the loser living in my parents' basement' according to my former friend(or at the very least, support myself, which I'm sure I'm fully capable of). Just have to keep trying, because one day I'll actually do something satisfying and something where the results make me happy.

It is stressful and confusing. The one close friendship I had deteriorated over the last half decade or so, because I was the 'ungrateful bastard', the 'recluse', the 'p****', a 'girl', and the 'lazy, arrogant weirdo'. "You need to get out more." "Be more normal." "Be a man and finish these beers." "Shut up." "That's not what I meant you f*****g ret*d."(after me taking a comment literally), "I'm not interested in that. Shut up about it already."/"You're full of BS."/"You're stupid."(after explaining an idea or a concept) "Why do you have to critiscize me all the time?"(after explaining the flaws in the person's idea and not the person) "You're a f*****g wuss."(after not wanting to go around vandalizing other people's property)

Now I'm again alone in real life with regard to friends(I left on my own because he was beating his girlfriend, threatening me when I'd say something about it, and calling me various insulting names), but I do have friendly acquaintences from college I speak to online and don't have to be alone, but I just don't know how to start over again without 'burning another bridge' so to speak. For those who really know who their friends are, be glad, because I don't know how to determine that very well and never did. Just because someone says they're your friend doesn't make it true. There's a lot of good people out there and good to be found in everyone(including my former friend), but finding these things is where things become difficult. People are confusing, you never know how they're going to react to what you say, why they say the things they do, or what they're thinking and feeling...

I suppose I should find people with my interests, but they are very, very hard to find offline, and most of them are much older than I am, have families, ect. and don't have the time to dedicate themselves to a project spanning months or a very long, in-depth exchange of information. If you others have friends your age that closely share your interests, you are very, very lucky. Being 'social' would be fun as opposed to confusing and stressful, nevermind how educational it could actually be.

Ideas/Concepts > Useless banter/Partying

I tried to live the opposite way just to 'fit in' with my friend and his circle of friends, but it just won't work for me. Being the "arrogant know-it-all" in a group of 'normal' people is anything but pleasant.



BenYoung
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26 Feb 2008, 2:37 pm

CowboyFromHell wrote:
I've got a cell phone. I consider it good practice.

I love cell phones, because you can hang them up without picking up first.

Other than that I avoid phones like the plague.


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TLPG
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26 Feb 2008, 4:56 pm

You bet! One in particular and I'll leave that there!



richardbenson
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26 Feb 2008, 6:48 pm

yes. i can only handle so much from one person before i dont care about them anymore and turn into a wee bit of a butthead twords them if they try comunicating with me :wink:


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Deinonychus
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26 Feb 2008, 7:06 pm

scumsuckingdouchebag wrote:

I tried to live the opposite way just to 'fit in' with my friend and his circle of friends, but it just won't work for me. Being the "arrogant know-it-all" in a group of 'normal' people is anything but pleasant.


Uncannily I could have written that myself.



Wordish
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26 Feb 2008, 7:15 pm

Metalab,I know exactly what you mean. Most people drain me too and I think its an energy sort of thing. The people that drain me most are the ones that are really judgemental and controlling. They're like parasites who suck the energy out of you. I tend to get along best with other writers who are interested in the same things. I feel like I have this sort of sixth sense, or maybe its just that I'm hyperaware of details other people don't pick up that will tell me what a person is like. I can feel it seeping into my skin and body. I find I have more difficulty talking or I start shaking sometimes around these kind of people. I've learnt to trust this. I am very selective now about who my friends are. I've spent too much time trying to fit into other people's rules to learn that they are not right for me and that they make me physically sick.

The problem is it makes it very difficult at work unless I'm surrounded by the right sort of people. The woman that sits next to me is controlling and judgemental and I feel exhausted after being near her. It's been driving me insane! I put on my headphones and play classical music while I'm writing and this helps a bit. I actually quit my job on Friday because I couldn't stand being around alot of the people at work anymore. My boss, though has kindly offered that I can work part time on writing and not have to deal with the people side of things. He doesn't know I quit because of the people though. All he knows is that I have some sort of immunological/neurological thing and its impacting on my work, so its pretty good of him. I've been working at home this week. I hope this can become a permanent thing!



metalab
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27 Feb 2008, 4:03 am

I had an interesting experience the other day. This might be something very specific to me because of my spiritual beliefs. But I practice sort of energized meditations with chakras and the like. I associate the 'vibe' of people with this as well, energy/chakra balances throughout the body. And consider the draining aspect to be an issue of essentially the person holding such a chaotic energy balance in their body, that just by the nature energetic interactions, sucks out all structured balanced energy from it's surroundings. like positive to negative polarities almost.

But anyways, the other thing I notice is not only are people imbued with this vibe, but buildings are, everything is. Now one of my friends, who typically I quite literally have to sleep or mope around for hours the following day after visiting him, I managed to turn this around entirely. We were going to hang out, and I got to his house before he got back from somewhere, so I was there alone. I took this free time to basically meditate in the center of his house to change the energetic vibe of it. Which I did, by the time I was done it felt like a completely different house to me. And my friend came back and we actually had a really good rewarding conversation for like a few hours and I actually left there feeling refreshed. This was like nearly a 180 flip than typical times I go over there...



Wordish
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27 Feb 2008, 7:15 pm

Metalab, you might be interested in some of the energy techniques that are around - EFT, healing codes etc. I find these help calm me down if I do them regularly.

I've just started having acupuncture the last couple of weeks and its amazing how I feel so much calmer and clearer as if everything is working properly compared to usually when I feel exhausted, unable to think properly and hypersensitive to everything. I can concentrate so much better in the evening after a session and find I write really easily. I can also speak more easily. If I could, I'd walk around with pins stuck in my body and forehead all the time! :lol:



unityemissions
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01 Mar 2008, 1:18 pm

I get drained all the time by people and places. Meditation has helped quite a bit. From my understanding what is going on is you are sympathizing with people/places. When someone sympathizes, they take on someones energy level. If you receive your energy from outside of your environment, ie internally; the light, you will not be effected or at least not to the extent that it will drain you. I find that visualizing light flowing from the sky down through the top of my head and out through the soles of my feet grounding with the earth helps when I am focusing on the inhalation of my breath. Then, when I exhale I imagine the opposite happening. Light flows from the earth into my feet and up and out of my head out into the unknown. Try to visualize a shield around you that will reflect all negative vibrations from entering your personal awareness zone. This may seem like hogwash, but if you got an open mind and give it a try you just may find that this helps you.


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12 May 2012, 3:57 am

Sometimes it's not the other people themselves who are draining, it's us.

We live in our thoughts.
People being around interrupts this.

We live in our obsessions and interests often.
Being around people distracts us from our interests, and that bothers us.

We tend to like quiet.
Someone yapping for an hour isn't quiet.

We tend to enjoy ourselves as the subject, or our interests...
Other people means the focus isn't always on us, and that can be tiring.

We tend to not have great social skills.
Other people being around makes us work to interact within social norms. That's tiring.

We tend to prefer solitude.
Other people being around makes us less than comfortable.
Perhaps we just like the quiet, to live in our thoughts, or to do whatever we want whenever... perhaps we worry we'll say/do the wrong thing around another person... perhaps we just don't want to be bothered or our thoughts be interrupted by anyone else.



Moonhawk
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12 May 2012, 4:52 am

My friend who doesn't enjoy silences, and my other friend *missing in action* who wants to come over and stay for 6 hours.



Aprilviolets
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12 May 2012, 7:11 am

My ex-friend drains me she just went on and on about the most stupidest things like there's nothing on tv I would say I always find something to watch 5 minutes later she would say it again.
She didn't like a bit of silence she would goes go on and on the same thing.
so glad I don't see her much now.



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12 May 2012, 8:32 am

I can relate to this topic so much. Most people drain me because they make me feel anxious. I also sense expectation from them. They want something from me that I'm not aware of and probably wouldn't be able to give them even if I knew what it was.

I deal with it by choosing which friendships to cultivate very carefully. I can only handle a few people in my life at a time, so I might as well put effort only into those I like being around.



danmac
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12 May 2012, 8:49 am

i go in stages, at the moment even being hit on by a women is over bearing. i get drained to the point were i feel drunk, and can't even form sentences or listen to people. i leave (just as i would if i were drunk and needed to go home to sleep) and once i'm alone i am perfectly fine. i've left my friends and got better and then went back, keeping in mind who and what put me there and avoided that situation and have been fine all night. the key for me is to recodnize it as it happens(eazier said than done), the situation makes me nervous and it makes me drink and smoke more. if i see it for what it is i can distance myself from the people and souroundings and go on fine.
certain people, or types of people are identifable to me as the prob.
knowing that is the key for me.


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