Has anyone ever tried to make you think/feel like you were

Post Reply New Topic

crazy/disturbed/far gone/deluded/dangerously ignorant/dangerous/dysfunctional?


My mother and I slept together in a small room once and I had this creaky sort of bed, and I was squirming/turning over/whatever and my mother said, "Why are you squirming so much? Are you disturbed?" I can't even turn over when I want to or what?


One day when I was 5, I learned what an institution was when my mother told me people who stimmed the way I did (playing with a string) ended up in them and did I want to go to one?


There were other times too. Like, my mother was already depressed once, and we got into an argument once when I was 15 and I threw a notebook at her. It was one of those thin Hilroy stapled-together notebooks with only bout 30 pages and a soft cover not much thicker than the pages. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention when I threw it and it hit her harder than expected. She yelled over and over, in this sobbing brokenhearted tone of voice (though she wasn't crying) "You crazy nut!" every few seconds. The next day she wasn't over it, even though it didn't do any permanent damage, and she had this serious scared brokenhearted neurotic talk about how other people wouldn't know I didn't mean to hurt them so bad; what would I do then?


Firstly, I wouldn't hang around with people like her. I was a minor and forced to live with her. I should have gone and lived with my dad. Why didn't I? Secondly, I dot just go throwing things at people for no reason like a nutcase taking my anger out on people for no reeason like my mother liked to think. Read numbers 1 and 2 and you will know that therefore, thirdly, if I did it to someone besides her, they would really be deserving of it.


Stupid emotionally disturbed b***h.

yeah, I drove my mother crazy too. Personally I think she was a lot more like me ( AS) than she knew, or maybe she DID know, but anyway, she was always telling me I drove her crazy so maybe she thought I was making her like that.

She DID put me into an institution, Ana, after threatening me with it for years. What was so weird is she always thought I was doing all this (stimming, wiggleing, staring, not understanding her/ others) ON PURPOSE. She would tell me "I am just your old stupid mother, I'm not a GENIUS like YOU!" and so I couldn't be 'retarded' or 'slow' I must be doing all this stuff to make her life a living hell.

and no, we aren't allowed to turn over at will when sharing a creeky bed with our mother, and no are we not allowed to express our own anger or opinions when someone else is charged with our wellbeing, our overseer, our continual tisk tisking of how far we have to come to even approach the standards of others.

and as for tossing a note book - I had the audacity to actually PUT UP MY HAND TO PROTECT MY FACE when my mom was whaling on me one time and I thought she was going to kill me. My father come running in from the back yard because we were BOTH screaming bloody murder and my mom had thown me on the bed and was bouncing on top of me ( she had lost it, bigtime!) it was right after that they had me arrested and placed in the State Hospital.

Best thing that ever happened to me, cause I escaped about a year later (after I was of age) and hitchhiked to the Woodstock Festival, opening up a truly different life than I would have if they had never freaked out.

so. . look for the cracks in the situation, you might be able to slip out while no one is looking.

Merle

feeling like nothing isnt enough of people in here