Clueless Guys Can't Read Women (LiveScience)

Post Reply New Topic

Clueless Guys Can't Read Women

More often than not, guys interpret even friendly cues, such as a subtle smile from a gal, as a sexual come-on, and a new study discovers why: Guys are clueless.

More precisely, they are somewhat oblivious to the emotional subtleties of non-verbal cues, according to a new study of college students.

"Young men just find it difficult to tell the difference between women who are being friendly and women who are interested in something more," said lead researcher Coreen Farris of Indiana University's Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences.

more...

Was wondering if this would get posted here. Saw article on my Yahoo headlines page, thought it was real interesting, and downloaded it. Haven't even gotten around to finishing reading it-came here first-so can't offer comment beyond that.
Edited to add:

Most recent example (albeit, fictional) that pops into my mind is from "Without A Trace" episode I saw last night. Girl is upset bc. she broke up w/her boyfriend, another guy likes her & consoles her during walk to secluded natural area. Then he tries to put the moves on her, and she pulls back, saying "wait". He stops & says "you said you were happy to be here with me, so I thought...", to which she replies "yeah, but that didn't mean I wanted to make out with you". He doesn't take the perceived rejection well-she finds out he was reason behind her breakup w/ previous boyfriend, he gets angry, she gets scared, and before you know it, she's fallen over a cliff to her death.

Misunderstandings can be hazardous, for both parties in a given interaction.

If women's subtle non-verbal cues are too subtle for men's abilities to detect them, than why aren't women less subtle?

Story of my life!! !! I have SO much troublk with this that I err on the side of caution. That doesn't help relationships any.

I can relate to this, and I'm also female. I can't tell if another woman is interested in what I have to say, or if she's just being polite.

i don't agree with everything that article says, for example about us men not knowing whether someone is sad or not, im very empathetic and normally notice when someone is feeling sad and can differentiate between sad and stressed/anxious or angry (the last 3 are kinda samey to me, i can only tell its not sadness not differentiate between them) though i have to admit i find it hard to differentiate between sexual and friendly advances so i always assume the later.

saying that, feeling empathetic can be very confusing when your aspergian

I think because we don't know we're being subtle. The way we're behaving seems perfectly clear to us, so we think you'll understand, too. Just a difference in the way men and women communicate, I guess.

This can probably apply to ASPIE women too...I was always made fun of by men I worked with because I always thought every guy that talked to me was my friend and ONLY wanted to be my friend...I never had a clue when a guy liked me unless they specifically told me...Needless to say, I always found out they liked me after I had someone else...

That's what I assumed. It still doesn't make sense. Possibly men used to be better at reading these cues, but now they've gotten worse, and that's why the gap exists. It would be a lot easier for us if women would sometimes use words to communicate such things instead of relying completely on body language and facial expressions. I can recall countless times that I've interacted with females, and I would notice everything that they were doing, but I would have no idea what they were trying to communicate.

And, as would be obvious, the same goes for aspie men. I once made friends with a girl during my first year of college who I now believe was very much interested in me. We talked, hung out a little bit, and even went a few places together. I was interested in her, but I wouldn't have dared to mention it. I didn't know how to go about such things, and I certainly couldn't read her feelings. I liked her and she liked me, but neither of us knew it! It was a tragedy!

I agree when it comes to being interested, but if men as a group see even friendliness as attraction, then there's nothing women can do to project 'not interested' without being rude.

Also if men as a group default to most positive signals from woman = sexual interest, then is there any incentive for a woman to be less subtle in her interactions? She would probably already think that either men are too forward or they already received her message.

That's not the case. The article described that men are just as likely to mistake friendly interest for sexual interest as they are sexual interest for friendly interest.

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying, although I think it's a bit of an exaggeration to say women rely completely on body language and facial expression instead of words.
But it is true that if a woman likes you, she may not just announce, "You're cute, can we please go on a date?"and instead may do things like laugh at all your jokes, smile a lot, put her hand on your arm, etc.

But the thing is, my boyfriend is never going to say to me, "I'm feeling hurt and vulnerable about something, I need to be left alone right now". That's something I just have to glean from his behavior. Obviously, I think it would be a lot easier if he just spilled his guts about his feelings the way women do, but men seem to have a harder time being open about that stuff, I guess because of the pressure from society not to appear "weak". You have to keep in mind, women have a different set of rules drilled into us, about not being too "aggressive", that we shouldn't "chase" after men or we seem desperate, etc. So that may be part of why we might not be as direct. The fact is, men do sometimes get turned off if a woman seems to be pursuing him, or is too direct about her feelings, even if he likes her. I know this is a stereotype, but a lot of men like the chase, and feeling like they've won the woman over, and can lose interest if something is just handed to them.

It's a two-way street as far as interpreting signals go, women have to make compromises when trying to relate to men as well.

For me, it worked in reverse for the most part- after I was rejected by two girls in high school( one of whom is now a friend of mine, regardless), I decided to curse off ANY idea of a woman actually being attracted to me, so whenever people said "dude, she's into you!" I was like "naahhhhhhhh, she's just being friendly"...most of the time it was true....until only 6-9 months ago...when I started working at my current job- and it turned out, as I found out later on, yes, SHE WAS into me! And now, we're in a relationship

MEN, in the US at least, are limited because of:

1. courtesy. (It is impolite and could be seen as too forward, etc...)
2. Laws/ (It could be considered sexual harassment, etc...)
3. Fear of rejection.