Who Taught You To Hate Yourself?

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I see:)

All-right, I thought a lot on this, so another side on this;

I personally don't think it's any to do with who's into culture or not (if we take it that aspies would not be into culture). Because the same ignorance towards an individual can come from non-disabled, disabled people, also from autistic people.

I'm all for culture, because I see it as the very basis of developing a social context in which then differences and individuality are recognised and recognised for their matter of course. But it's got a lot to do with expectations, that's what I totally agree about.

I went through life not knowing I was autistic, in a small part of the world people pointed their fingers at me and tried to push me off and away from their world so they would not have to bother with one who is different from them.

Then, after being diagnosed, I came into a small part of the autistic community who pointed their fingers at me and tried to push me off and away from their world so they would not have to bother with one who is different from them.

Both went on how I should start using words such as 'dumb', 'bad', 'a little crazy', 'abnormal' for myself because I didn't fit their idea of how I should be. It would be sad and if I hadn't a good sense of who I am and what to do, I would have sat through my lesson of self-hate based on being different and thus not meeting expectations like a good little human. (Guess I'm a bad little human then, I can never and have never taken others for real, can't believe their opinion is of any worth concerning my inner self.

And since I have, in other small parts of the world, met non-autistic and autistic people who were nothing like that, it's just kind of comical that all kinds of people feel the need to claim that

'their idea of how things and people should be is good and they're not being ignorant at all, they're all-knowing and all-forgiving of course'.

So I think self-hate first and foremost is connected to the ability of self-deceiving. Most people, regardless of their status of disorder or neurology, have that ability to lie to themselves about themselves and about the rest of the world they want to see.

Though all parts of a person are present, the difference, the social inability, but also the ability to lie well, to manipulate as well as mathematical or language abilities, humour, thoughtfulness and so many more some are just not appreciated depending on where we live and what we personally think.

I think all are well. They're present, so the eager attempt to try to separate, deny, get rid off and mindfully split with that facet of personality is causing self-hate. Every sentence such as 'you must understand when I am laughing!' but also 'lying is something only horrible people do' is telling another person (and yourself) to get rid of that. It's not just unnecessary, but it's totally undesired and unloveable.

The message is: one who is like that cannot be appreciated, respected or liked. One who is like that is no longer a person but beneath a person, like a lowly life-form and deserves no love.

It's a message that children learn everyday, because that's just how society and how we ourselves work. We state what is good and we state what one must not be like if they want to be loved.

We kinda connect the advice on how to live together (to understand social clues, not to lie), meaning what to learn and what to try to do for the purpose of living in an environment that's fair and feels good with how every person should be like automatically, be born like, be without trying.

Instead of just judging the act we perceive with out eyes, with out ears, we judge the very urge itself, even if suppressed or handled well. When we say 'that's horrible! unnatural! abnormal!' we do not mean 'don't DO this' but we mean 'don't BE like this' (no matter if you do it or not).

Because others say and act as if they can not appreciate and love a person who thinks, feels or has a certain problem (that they try to handle), the person starts to hate themselves too.

If hated by all, what is left to understand that you must hate yourself because there is something about you that others hate? And if the part that's makes you wrong in the eyes of others and thus a dreadful thing and only half of a real person?

Emotional conclusion: hate your 'wrongness', and start to hate yourself for not being able to be how others expect you to be and stop that 'wrongness' about you.

Often, in order to cure our 'wrongness' (and ourself as a whole) we start to doom another person, another ability, another facet of life. That's the new 'wrongness' and attracts a lot of people who point with their fingers and talking about how disgusting and horrible the new 'wrongness' is. And we can decide how much worse it is than our own and how we are nothing like that, thank goodness!

Because doing that is easy, of course. And if we're fighting for ourselves with nobody besides us, what else to do?

My mom, my dad, my brother, teachers, shrinks, other kids. Pretty much everyone who came into contact with me.

No offense, but I am detecting the faint aroma of paranoia. I read something someone named Magnus posted. Something to the effect of NTs play games. I agree with that. People play games with each other constantly. Those who play the game are in those who don't know how ridiculed, mocked and made fun of. It's how social heirarchy is established and how bonding occurs and even the people who are lousy at playing the game and come in last and next to last still play the game with each other to see if one can keep from coming in last place.
I notice, in this forum, certain posters play the same type of games and I think it's very NT like so I question how different everyone really is from everyone else.
I think you can be on the spectrum and still be good at playing the game, convince yourself you have no social intuition, then give yourself a complex about your competence based on fallacies about yourself.
I don't think I am good at playing the game because I would rather be introspective, obsess and dwell than figure out how to manipulate others into not liking someone else or making up stuff to say behind someone's back because I don't like them for some reason. Perhaps I think their social skills are lacking and make erroneous assumptions about them based on my subtle detection something's off.

When it comes down to it, I judge everyone on their usage of italics in their posts. In these threads, anyway.

interesting...

hey thanks! nice to see some encouragement!

Any time

Hi OOooOOOoooOOO, thanks for remembering my comment.

People here play games too but it is more blatant and in your face. I wonder how many aspies have a hard time with these games too. We should try to remember that some of these people here get offended easily and may have a harder time with it. Maybe they should try to lighten up and not care what others say. I think people give each other a hard time just to see what the other person is really made of.

In my opinion, most people tend to project what they think about themselves onto others and also tend to think that others see them that way too. Does that make sense?
Being judgmental usually backfires.

I constantly use italics, so what's this supposed to mean?

To judge others on their use of italics means reading and thinking means you assume I and everyone else who uses italics is like you think I/others are.

Being well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society is no measure of sanity. -Krishnamurti

My family, other kids mostly.

Someone on the Internet caused me to hate the old me, so I went from being a Mod to a modern day Punker. I'm in love with the new me. :O)

How did you manage to change/ make yourself a better person? I wouldn't mind being someone else.

I don't hate myself. I had taught myself to hate myself but I learned better through clear thinking and detachment from my emotions. No one else is responsible for my emotional state, that is my responsibility as a person. I choose to experience emotion, emotion does not experience me.

My parents taught me to hate myself...

But I was blessed to have awesome grandparents, awesome uncles...and later on, awesome adult friends, especially men, who taught me to love myself again...

Now? I say F$%$#% to all those idiots...I couldn't care less about most of them...I play their BS game with them when I feel like it and ignore them when I feel like it too...