any1 remember the 18 year old girl+48yo guy? manipulation

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Ah I recognise the poster now...

jus4u76, if you want people to give you advice specific to your situation, you're going to have to give more backgound information, otherwise we're all a bit lost here.

"i think that he's [Q1: who's 'he'?]not manipulating me at all now and he's a nice person, but im guilty that i said that i didn't care about him after you guys said this and he doesn't know it. [Q2: He doesn't know what? That you said you don't care about him or that he doesn't know you said that after what people on WP wrote?]

im guilty about a lot of things and i ask him if i should be guilty about something or not, but he might say that i am [Q3: Have you actually asked him anything?] if he knows that i turned around my back for a while. im doubting if im taking advantage of the things im guilty about when i should really be guilty for the past things and things to come [Q4: okay, I'm really confused now. Why do you think you should be guilt for things about to come?]. "

Just wondering, are you feeling guilty for thinking something about someone, despite never actually saying it to them? Don't waste your time! You haven't hurt their feelings- they're oblivious to your thoughts- but you might if you actually tell them you thought they were manipulating them (in this case). If you've been acting rudely or have offended them, by all means apologise, but don't beat yourself up for stuff you haven't actually done!

The below are my opinions.

On being manipulated: When you are being manipulated, if you think you are being manipulated, that's unusual. Good manipulation leaves the target unaware of the manipulation. If you think you are being manipulated, usually (1) you don't understand what the other person is about and so you assume the other person is playing games or (2) the other person is trying to manipulate you but isn't good at it and they are making mistakes. But if you are truly being manipulated, you don't know it!

On a 18 yo + 48 yo: Unless he's really rocking your boat in bed, he's getting the better deal here. Why would he want to manipulate you when he's already the winner in the relationship. Because of the age difference, he's getting a great bargain so if he's manipulating you, he's probably doing it to keep you under his influence. (I hope you're not giving him money or stuff like that!)

On taking advantage and feeling guilty: Taking advantage and feeling guilty have nothing to do with each other. If you feel guilty, and you are taking advantage, you are still taking advantage even though you feel guilty. Your feelings of guilt don't "pay" for whatever advantage you take.

I'm curious why you think you're taking advantage of a 48 year old guy. Unless you're the 48 year old guy and the other person is an 18 year old girl (or boy).

You can't feel bad about that. It's part of Asperger Syndrome. I don't really feel badly about the guys I've had sexual relationships with. It's not my fault they become personally attached. NTs are sensually retarded compared to us: in order to have sex they create a lot of psychological head games about romance and true love.

NTs have to make up reasons for the intense feelings of sensuality that affect their minds and their perceptions of the world when they have a sexual relationship. They aren't used to having their worlds shift and their emotions landslide all around based on sensory feelings or overwhelming sensual experiences. So they make up "romantic love" and play a lot of head games (maybe that is what you think is "manipulation") about who is calling who, whether you really, really like them, and whether you "love" them or just "using" them. NTs have a whole pathology of psychological problems associated with having sex, that you can lump under the label "romance". They play so many games because they feel out of control and insecure with being out of control of how their sensual experiences affect their minds and ability to think.

We don't have that problem because it is a fact of life for us to be very affected by sensory experiences. You don't have to feel guilty about not feeling these "romance" impulses or if you don't want the other person to put a lot of rules on you about how often you're supposed to call or make them the center of your life.

Believe me, you're not harming this guy by having sex with him and you're not doing bad things to him. Whatever makes him need for you feel "love" for him and make him the center of your life is because of his neediness, not yours. You're doing him a favor by having sex with him. If that's not good enough for him, maybe you should tell him that maybe you should stop having sex with him because you're not romantic or loving enough to live up to his expectations of you. If he's trying to make you feel guilty for not being more romantic, I'm sure that will shut him up.

The best treatment you can give to someone that you are having a sexual relationship with, is to have great sex and be honest with them, and don't do things to them that are not good for them (like make them do things that are unhealthy for them or make them spend all their money, etc.). I don't spend time with guys unless I have a reason, like there is something that we have in common that we can do together, focused on that activity. I don't just hang around with a guy to be with him for no point, like on a "date". I still have no idea what people are supposed to do on "dates" -- except engage in intensely focused but very dishonest small talk marathons.

If the guy is pressuring you to show a lot of emotions or romantic attachments to him, that's his neediness, not something you should feel guilty about.

It all depends on what your out for. I had simaler but different sitution when I was 18yo. I had a girlfriend who was older 21, and I met her at an autism support meeting. I was yonger than her so she seemed a bit more confident than you might be, I felt that made it easyer so see her insicurety's.
She was assertive with me about what she thought Too. she stated the first time I came to her parents place on the 'SECOND DATE' without me makeing even the slitest nudge or hint , that she would have 'HIGHLY FRENDLY MALE FEMALE RELATIONS'{sorry for the yelling just want no confusion for the pg verses R expl.} with me only after we had been dating for three month's . It was more of the after she kissed me and was In a friendly way so it wasnt a mean your just after my hot body attitude.

I was with her eight months but we didnt do anything 'homerunish'. and not because she wouldnt, It is the guy who has to go the extra mile and get his giggy on. When I fantisysed about getting an atractive girl who was autistic like me, I feared that every guy under the sun thought she was an open befay before I got there and that she would think that I would treat her the same (I remember a broadcast about an autistic couple where the woman had a lot of childeren with different men, could it be that they took advantage of her?).
I had questions as to what she thought and how she felt and couldent quite awnser them. At some point she seemed to wonder wether I was just there to have sex and get what i WANT and leave her(especcially whene her friend told her something like that) even though we were together that long without me going that last mile.
My mother said be carful her mother is looking to try and get her to have 'HER OWN LIFE' (aka offloading her on to me to support)I didnt have a job and I was so deppressed after highschool, I was so confused and didnt know what to do. Idependence gives confidence but parents ar forced to hold your hand throughout your teen's so you are not ready when your body and hart are there banging at the door to escape and learn how in the REAL manner to do what they are ready for. Normal people rely on there mischeaf to get them past there parents like a guntlet and autistics need that gate to be open to pass through it .

There is no right way there is only what makes you happy, and if the problem is you are afraid that your being tricked, and your womenly reputaion will be smeared by him than try to find some leverege, and prepare for it unless you get nothing in the out come. If you just want the fringe benifits it is allright for there to be reasions for you to eventually seperate, but if it is for love or romance that is one of the harder topics I think that riquire more difficult consideration.

I know that that isnt exactly what you said but if your in a situation where your autism comes to play that you cannot figure what they are thinking than just consider what you want. if you both get what you want than it is allright. If it is about a commitment and the guy is in his fortys than he Cant do any better than you for a helthy partner to finish his life with.

Also as to my opinion I look for a women that would most likely be comfortable with the not so normal cercomstance to be with, maby normal guy's who are a little less than popular because there "personality is a problem, 'for most women'", might feel the same. If you get what you want, and he gets what he wants than everything is cosher. . . . Right? But If it is somthing like a lasting relationship than you have to go one step at a time to get the feel of his friend's and family.
If you want someone like your self that you could feel more trusting of as a women you have ample options on the dating site ive herd mentioned in the links here on wrongplanet That is for aspe's. the sad fact for a man who has autism in general is the unfair difference in the number of guy compared to girls with the condition, and all of the compition for the best of the bunch goes to normal guy's .

if that's you in the avatar i'd like to give you a good manipulating!

even if i was, you're too old.