Unaware of your AS?

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I think I first noticed my lack of eye contact when I was 14. I didn't know why I didn't look at people when I spoke to them. But I was never sure if I had always done that but I always had. It was in my medical records. I didn't know anything about eye contact until I read about it in AS. But then I would look at the other kids in my class and see not all of them were looking at the teacher. They all had their eyes averted or looking down at their desk or table so I thought it was a load of crap that not looking at people was an aspie thing.


I didn't even think rocking was an autistic thing because I did it too even though I saw Simon doing it in Mercury Rising but I thought that was his personality, not the autism.

I never made eye contact either (and rarely looked at the face of another person while speaking to them), and I didn't realize that was abnormal until I started reading about Asperger's Sydrome.

Throughout my life, looking someone in the eyes has always seemed like a threat to me - I get a tinge of fear when I accidentally do so and I assumed that that's what everyone felt, and that it was highly insulting to look someone in the eyes.

I also got the message during my childhood that the special occasion where it is proper to make eye contact is when there is a need to prove honesty, such as when an adult would interrogate me. During mock trial cases and job interviews for example, I'd be advised to do so and then asked why I was "staring the other person down" afterwards.

I'm glad I know now that staring into someone's eyes indicates that sex is wanted. *embarrassed*

Yeah.

I was entirely unaware of routines. What they mean, how they show in real life. I am now aware that I have them, but not so much aware to what extent.

And the day before yesterday I realised I already experienced these 'shutdowns' and that they were a prominent state in social interaction prior to my therapy.

I was oblivious of that eye-contact were real, meaning that people read from the eyes and face before I knew about ASDs.

Repetitive mannerisms... at one time I was sure I had none, then discovered a few. But I'm still wondering when I see people saying 'look, that is an autistic mannerism' about others or when I see such on videos about kids, I don't notice what is supposedly off about their behaviour.

I used to think I stopped taking things literally until a few weeks ago when I noticed I did it more.

Also, when watching "The Simpsons", Homer needed new trousers and would only go for the blue ones. My mum said I'm like that as in I'll only have certain clothes, I never noticed that.

Well, this isn't something someone else told me about that I was unaware of, but something I was unaware of until I realized I'd stopped doing it. For years, I would (I wish I could explain this better) hold my right arm up against myself & rub my fingers together repeatedly. & also, at the same time, keep my left arm down toward my side & rub the fingers on my left hand together repeatedly. I know that sounds wierd lol & I know I didn't explain it right. I guess that would qualify as a "stim". I had done it for years, but it wasn't until a few weeks ago that I suddenly realized that it's been a while since I've done it. That was when I first realized that I had been doing it at all . Unfortunately, since then, I keep getting the urge to start doing it again.

Masking the symptoms is possible but draining. Overcoming them doesn't seem to be possible.