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Argh! My wolfsuit is dirty! *goes berserk*

The only way to subdue plungers is to submerge them in rabbits

I can put my lego under my ego

How to solve a Rubiks cube:
Just keep twisting it randomly.You'll get lucky right away

I believe everything on the internet. After all, computers can't lie.

I am a nigerian lawyer that needs you to help me store money offshore
in order to avoid taxes.Send me all your money & as my client I will make you
rolling in free cash.

my hovercraft is full of eels....

All Canadians know Celine Dion
& say eh?
eh ?

It dawned on me in the evening
that the repetitions i had been mourning
were see-sawing yawning
and boring
holes in the awning

I think O and 0 should always remain interchangeable. Screw being technical!

Goodbye i said on arriving
This is my penultimate reply
was my final warning

Eating nickels is a good way to get essential minerals in your body.

if i had a nickel for every time someone said that i could afford a boob-job

Actually, look out for cars when crossing the road, because one of those people might want to give you a ride!

Don't sniff it! How can you tell if it's poison that way? Eat it; it's the only way to find out!

Don't eat poo! Make someone else sample it to see if it's poison!

Actually, wear a seatbelt, especially if you're going over a creaky bridge over water, and make sure your little kids are strapped into their carseat very well, and the carseat is strapped in very securely. If you can't get the kid free, that means the kid is secured well!

Actually, you should use contraception, especially when you're stressed and depressed, which is actually what's causing the acne you take it for.

No, cook the food. You nevrr know what bacteria is in that ice cream. Everything should be cooked to kill all bacteria!

Don't walk on train tracks! Security might make you get off them! Walk on the ridge poles on roofs; if it's your own private property nobody can do anything about it!

Don't swim in shallow water! It's not deep enough to swim in! Actually, don't swim at all. Forget that swimming exists. It's a silly, risky thing to do!

Actually, bathing is good for relaxation. Mud baths are good. Fill the tub with mud if you don't like water.

Actually, don't puncture a hole in the microwave door! The way you tell if your food is ready is when you see and smell smoke or hear an explosion.

I am shocked and appalled that these regulations exist.

I will now proceed to eat food off the pavement.

When you learn to juggle,start with chainsaws.

The best way to eat ice-cream is boiling hot,through a straw.

You can wear under-pants 4 times before washing them:
-frontways
-backwards
-inside out front
-inside out backwards

Save oxygen-hold your breath

There is only one way to guarantee longevity- once a week, drink dilute bleach and then run around like a maniac.