Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. There is a massive blizzard and anyone caught anywhere near the midpoints between the exits will be stuck.

I wish that contrary to an April Fools issue, my school actually has bomb tunnels.

Granted. You fall into a secret door into a bomb tunnel, and get lost.

I wish for a piece of custard pie.

Granted. You are taken to an equine-input glue factory.

I wish for the power to destroy the very ground on which the troublemakers walk.

Granted. They fall underground and start causing trouble in Earth's interior, causing many earthquakes and volcano eruptions.

I wish my neighbor would stop throwing up really loud.

Granted. Now they start coughing.

I wish for an endless supply of mercury.

Granted. You are transported to the planet Mercury.

I wish for some watermelon-flavored ice cream.

Granted. You can have a thimble full

I wish for a new far fetched story

Granted. It's so far fetched that it wipes out your memory of it.

I wish for a perfectly chilled glass of water.

Granted. It is perfectly chilled to absolute zero.

I wish for a spherical blackbody of radius 0.005m and mass 1kg.

Granted. However by the time it reaches you, you have forgotten what you wanted it for and can think of no point in keeping it.

I wish to sleep well tonight.

Granted. Michael Jackson's doctor puts you to sleep, tonight.

I wish for Excalibur.

Granted but it refuses to work for you

I wish the lotterey show would finish

Granted. Everyone wins and therefore no one does.

I wish to see one of the Fair Folk.

Granted, but they kidnap you and force you to watch reruns for all eternity.

I wish for an automatic cat scratcher.