Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It is made of the foam used to make packaging peanuts.

I wish for an elf.

Granted. You get Will Ferrell, from the movie, Elf

I wish for some finely chopped cabbage.

Granted...although should you have it tested, the hygiene standards of the one that prepared it is somewhat lacking...e. coli adds to the flavour?

I wish I knew the secret to unlimited energy...

Your house gets invaded by 100 hyperactive kids.

I wish I could catch up with my backlog of work.

Granted, but you have to pay the dalek that you employed with your life.

I wish daleks killed every brony.

Granted. They do so except for one.

I wish for a grim, dark future in the forty-first millennium.

Granted, but you are put into suspended animation until then.

I wish for a disk drive that will never fill up and will never break.

Granted. Here is an adamantium disk drive, it is 99% full, read only, and compatible with no known device.

I wish to make the acquaintance of the most interesting man in the world.

Granted. Then, you are separated, never to have any contact again.

I wish for a poor TTS engine.

Granted. You now have an engine from the Transylvania Train Service.

I wish for a blue moon.

Grante you can have it next Preston Guild

I wish for automatic access

Granted - you have automatic access to hell.

I wish I could sing.

Granted however it sounds horrible and is so out of tune that people ban you from singing.

I wish my cogs would run with scissors

Granted. They have been converted into rotary saw blades made from the melted metal of many scissors.

I wish for a dozen of each of the polyhedral dice.