Corrupt A Wish

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Granted. It becomes hot, but in reality, the sun is turning into a red giant.

I wish for a new iPod Touch.

Granted. It disintegrates when you touch it.
I wish gossiping would stop.

Granted. Killing begins.

I wish that the nib on my tablet pen will never wear down.

Granted. You Caused global warming!

I wish that people would respond faster to my posts.

Granted. You become "the post that launched a thousand ships".

I wish for a USB drive with a larger capacity.

granted, the USB to end all becomes a black hole of information tech as well as self aware.... Now seeing all humanity as the enemy, it launches a pre-emptive nuke strike against...... er.. wait kinda sounds familiar.... Hey! it's that Calif Gov guy!


I wish I was no longer immortal.

Granted. You will self-destruct in 10 seconds.

I wish to sleep when i want to do so.

Granted. You will always be sleepy.

I wish for the ability of telekinesis.

Granted, but you can only lift objects in your sleep.

I wish for my own private jet.

Granted; your jet kicks on auto-pilot in mid-flight and keeps you trapped in the air for weeks at a time.

I wish that whoever wanted to find love could find it.

Granted you find yourself in the world's largest orgy, unfortunately it is also the largest collection of various STDs.

I wish shrinks could understand us.

Granted, now we have a post where we all compare the wording of our restraining orders!

I wish I was totally omnipotent

Granted; the sensory overload that comes with such renders you catatonic.

I wish that airplanes in the night sky really were shooting stars...

Granted, but then they all land here...

I wish someone would SHOW UP!! !

Granted! Here I am!... wait what's this? Another restraining order??! !

I wish I could make people disappear at will.