I do not want talk to my family because I am an atheist.

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I tried to google this subject and apparently it is a very big deal to not speak to your parent(s). My mother was very nice and died some time ago. My father is racist and sexist homophobic and generally pretty negative. If we talk for 5 minutes he will invariably tell some story about me in the past that did not happen. Often he will talk about a preference or preferences that I had when I was a child that I did not actually have. Sometimes he has me confused with my brother or my nephew. Sometimes he is just mistaken. Nothing major or traumatic, he is just remembering the past differently than it actually happened. I would certainly remember something like my childhood food preferences or my favorite cartoon better than he would. However, when I try to correct him he gets very defensive and adamantly insists that the way he remembered things is the way that they happened. Fair enough. It's the past and it does not really matter all that much.

When I tell him about myself he does not believe me. This irritates me greatly. I remember telling him about a skydiving trip I took and it he told me that I had never skydived. It is such a strange thing to lie about. Maybe one would lie to a woman he was interested in about skydiving but certainly not one's father (I would think). He was very adamant about stopping the discussion because he did not want to talk about something that was not true. Months later, when I showed him the DVD of my jump he "Well I'll be darned." He never apologized for calling me a liar. He seems to not believe much I tell him about work or personal relationships either.

My father has an idea of who I was that is a fiction and he is incapable of understanding or accepting who I am now. It is like talking to someone who has Alzheimer's disease...except his mind works perfectly well otherwise. I have no doubt that he loves me and he very much wants to see me, but I just do not see the point in continuing a relationship with a permanent stranger.

The rest of my family is very religious. Atheism is synonymous with evil for them. I am an atheist and I do not feel like I am evil. I have very little interest in defending myself for not believing. My father understands that I do not believe in god(s) but he thinks that I am "bipolar" (he does not know what the term means he just uses that as a catchall for "crazy"). My nephew, who is most like me, and who I most like talking to, has said some disturbing things about gays and nonbelief. My 20 year old nephew who is about to enter his junior year of college is homophobic and I am not quite sure what he thinks about atheism. I do not look forward to discussing my world view with him.

When I googled the subject it seems for the parent the focus is on getting the son or daughter to talk to them instead of just accepting that it is best to not talk.

Is not talking to your parents or family because you simply do not want to such a bad thing?

At 20, people are still malleable. I'm sure he has to play nice to get through college. Does he look up to you? Just being in his life might have good influences on him (if the entire family is religious, and that is what he grew up with, maybe he internalized some things including prejudice and never assessed them...).

My parent sounds a lot like that. I mean to a T. The memory part, storytelling about things that didn't even happen, holding incredibly stupid beliefs, while being able to function coherently. I do not know what that is. I am sorry you have to go through that.

Does he have diabetes or any other health problems that might make him not-all-there when he has moments? I know my parent does (among many other illnesses now...he's chairbound and pretty much terminal awaiting transplant). A lot of times when we go to be with our family it is during holidays when the scheduling of food times is different, and that has made me wonder if it had to do with the general weirdness. Or maybe he was formerly on drugs and not emotionally available for you all when you were growing up and wants to reforge some relationship but is too desperate about it?

Of course he could just be watching a certain news channel and getting brainwashed.

I want to talk to my parent because I know they will die soon. It tears me up, it really hurts. When they talk with daggers, though, it is a disincentive, to say the least. The same thing happened with my evil grandma who thankfully just dropped dead one day before alzheimers or other problems could get her.

Please update if you have a talk with him. I have had moments of trying to compromise with my parent on things, like not saying the n word and swear words around my 9 year old cousin, but they get angry, tremors get earthquake level, eyes bug out, and so I just skulk away. My parent is unrelenting in their hatefulness and honestly they are so privileged, had a good extremely well paying career, and should be less mean. I don't know that any amount of talking could help mean.

Forging a better relationship with your brother and nephew might make your father happy vicariously!!

My father does have diabetes. I do not talk to my brother. He was a menace to the family. He was on crack and pills and frequently burglarized my parent's home and I believe hastened my mother's death by stressing her so much. She died from cancer and I have done little research on her condition so my assumptions about his affect on her health are not necessarily well founded. Nonetheless, I know that her last few years on the planet were much less pleasant because of him. I think he has since cleaned himself up, but I have no interest in talking to him. The last time I spoke to him it was clear to me that he was still a bad person.

I had a 6 hour marathon phone conversation with my father. I tried to make the best of it as I knew that it may be the last time I talk to him until he needs physical help. At the conclusion of the conversation, he asked when he could see me. It seemed like such a ridiculous question. We just talked for 6 hours, what do we need to see each other for? I am not so sure that I care about my father's happiness and it is quite clear that he does not care about mine. I am not sure why he wants to see me other than to be able to say that he has seen me. It seems that he wants the appearance of a relationship more than an actual relationship. It might be embarrassing for him to have a son that would prefer non contact or limited contact. I tried to explain what I know of Asperger's syndrome and how solitude comforts me greatly. He's not the greatest dad/person but many people have much worse parents than him. He was never physically abusive. Nonetheless, it is impossible for us to actually connect in any meaningful way.

Him coming to visit is a non starter. I have a hard time with housekeeping and I do not want people judging me. It is like a double whammy...I have to deal with the discomfort of seeing him and deal with whatever remarks he has about my home. If he were a younger man, I think I would have physically thrown him out of my apartment the last time he visited. He does not seem to understand. I did not ask to be born and I do not have any children. I am just trying to live. I do not want to hurt anyone, but jumping through arbitrary hoops for arbitrary reasons is not going to be my existence. I have a hard time taking care of myself at times. I left my parents' home for good at the age of 20 and I have lived alone for 15 years without assistance. Appeasing a toxic personality in addition to handling day to day life is just too much for me.

I talked to my nephew too. I texted him and he called and left a message that made it clear that he really missed me. When I called we talked for a while about what was going on with him at school and with his girl. We also talked about basketball...he loves basketball. All seems well. He really is a very intelligent and well adjusted young man. His mother and father are crazy former druggies with broken moral compasses but he has mostly escaped that environment by going away to school. He is at home with his mother for the summer right now. I will bite the bullet and explain my worldview to him the next time we speak. Regardless of our relationship, I do think that it would be better for him to be accepting of atheists...perhaps him knowing that I am one will make him understand that atheists are not all bad.

Considering a strictly superficial relationship may be useful.
I operate in a similar way with my relations, who like yours, are racist, homophobic, normative, condescending of me, etc.
I keep up a connection because there would be drama and emotion directed at me if I didn't and I'm not equipped to understand or deal with that. Thus, with them, it is all food, movies, trivial daily life matters, "small talk" as close as I can approximate it. I rigidly do not discuss my decidedly atypical sexuality, gender, neurology, lack of emotions, religion, philosophy or lifestyle.
I have made it clear these are "out of bounds" with me. Not appropriate to discuss. Occasionally someone may foray past my boundaries and try to engage me in these topics, but I just politely but firmly make it clear I will not discuss this, it is private. In time, they learn to stop pushing it.
I'm aware they are of the opinion that they don't really "know me," which is true, but I also don't cut them off completely, which would display in my opinion an animosity I don't feel.
If it's better for you all to have some connection, I'd say keeping it superficial works tolerably well.

To start, I'm under 30, 26. I am more heritic, just think they wrote it down wrong, than atheist; but that doesn't matter. I have had agnostic, Christian, Muslim, pagan, and atheistic friends. We have all discussed that it's a waste of time. With me they go extreme levels to "save me" in their eyes. Please just give up and be happy your not so controlling and bull headed as they are.